


On the Cusp

by WhenInDoubtSleep



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alcohol, Andrew is a little shit, Blow Jobs, Dry Humping, Established Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Feelings, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Making Out, Never Have I Ever, OT3, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Panic Attacks, Past Drug Use, Pet Names, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Post-Canon, Praise Kink, Rare Pairings, Smut, Threesome
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 43,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26119171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenInDoubtSleep/pseuds/WhenInDoubtSleep
Summary: Neil and Andrew and Matt. It's messy and stressful and more than any of them could have ever asked for.or: Matt admits to wanting to kiss Andrew during a game of Never Have I Ever which changes everything.
Relationships: Allison Reynolds/Renee Walker (All For The Game), Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Matt Boyd/Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 633
Kudos: 453





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so I'm currently 5 chapters into writing this, and I think it's going to end up being somewhere near 15 chapters. So come chill with me in rarepair hell... please...
> 
> Also, this is marked explicit because there will be some smut.

The foxes are closer than they ever have been before. Through the stiflingly hot summer days, the original nine have grown closer. Every other week, the nine of them (ten if Katelyn tags along) spend a few hours together in one of their dorms. They’re still strained, but with each passing week, they enjoy each other’s company more. 

They do different things. There are game nights and movie nights and family dinners (which are Neil’s favorite). But tonight, Kevin, Allison, and Matt brought out enough alcohol to intoxicate a small army. 

“We're drinking. It’s going to be fun,” Allison says, tossing her honey blonde hair over her shoulder before she tosses a bottle of whiskey to Andrew who catches it easily, remaining as impassive as ever, “So if any of you bitches has a drinking game recommendation, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Andrew turns to Neil with the heavy gaze that he gets when he’s concerned. He wants to make sure Neil is comfortable with this, and at Neil’s reassuring smile, he goes to grab two glasses. Renee grabs a Gatorade from the fridge before settling into her normal spot in the living room. 

Andrew makes their drinks with single-minded determination, and he holds both glasses close to his chest as he makes his way to their normal spot in the corner of Matt and Aaron’s couch. Neil takes the glass and sips at the whiskey. He had seen Andrew mix in some other things, but he had never cared to learn about what goes into the concoctions everyone else drinks. 

“I propose Never Have I Ever!” Nicky says, beaming across the room at Allison before settling into the pile of pillows he drags from their room every time. Neil wonders how comfortable it could possibly be, but he seems happy there, and Aaron joined him, more sullen than normal. 

All of the foxes voice their assent aside from Neil who sits tucked into Andrew’s side quietly. 

“I’ve never played; I don’t know how,” he says and Nicky takes a swig of his drink before a devious smile spreads across his face. Neil’s stomach drops.

“It’s simple, Neil, my love.” Andrew narrows his eyes at his cousin’s words, “We go around the circle, and we all say something we haven’t done. So, for example: never have I ever slept with a woman. Everyone who has takes a drink!” 

Neil’s stomach flips, but he reminds himself that he doesn’t really have anything to hide from them anymore. He agrees, and Allison offers to start. 

“We’re starting easy. Never have I ever cheated on my significant other,” she says. When no one in the circle takes a drink, she commends them for not being shitty people. 

“Never have I ever broken a bone,” Renee says softly. Kevin grumbles something under his breath before he, Andrew, Aaron, Neil, and Dan take their drinks. 

They continue through the circle, and it soon becomes clear that almost everyone tries to single someone else out. 

“Never have I ever fucked in the locker room,” Kevin says, glaring sideways at Andrew and Neil who each take a sip, Neil’s cheeks flushing a soft shade of pink. Aaron pretends to gag, and Allison and Renee also take a sip each. Dan laughs, tossing her head back. 

“God, that’s amazing. Never have I ever… drugged one of my teammates,” she says, glancing over at Andrew. He dutifully takes a sip, followed (begrudgingly) by his twin, Nicky, and Kevin. 

Matt is quiet for a moment, mulling something over in his head.

“Never have I ever killed anyone,” he says, and the room falls silent aside from the soft noise of Neil’s heel bouncing against the floor. A surprising number of the foxes drink. 

Renee sips her Gatorade first. Andrew and Aaron make eye contact before taking a generous gulp each. And then Neil follows, his eyes trained on Andrew’s knee. 

“Woah Woah Woah,” Allison says, leaning forward in her seat, “Neil?”

“I win, I think. If we’re in some fucked up competition of whose murderous body count is the highest,” he says, and Andrew’s fingers curl around his thigh. It’s a warning, a reassurance, a promise that he can stop there. It’s no one else’s business, “My dad. He taught me how to kill when I was young, told me he’d kill my mother if I didn’t. And then when we were on the run…” he tilts his head, recounting bullets and knives and vice-like fingers, “four, I think. Of my dad’s men.” he shrugs. 

“That’s fucked up,” Dan says, brow crinkled in concern. 

“Sorry,” Matt says, running a hand through his hair. 

“It’s fine. It was a long time ago,” he assures, placing his hand over Andrew’s squeezing gently. 

“Never have I ever been arrested,” Allison says out of turn, trying to change the subject. Andrew, Aaron, and Renee drink again. 

“Does my stint with the FBI count?” Neil asks, and Aaron rolls his eyes. Neil takes a sip before anyone answers. 

“Never have I ever wanted to kiss Neil,” Renee says from beside her girlfriend, and Neil’s cheeks flare red. Andrew immediately takes a gulp, glancing over at his junkie before he watches everyone else except for Aaron and Kevin drink.

Neil makes a noise of protest, curling into himself further. It doesn’t surprise Andrew though. He remembers the way everyone’s eyes had lingered on Neil for the first month. He’s entrancing, and he always has been even when he was barely a shadow of a man. 

“Matt?” Nicky gasps, clutching a hand to his chest, causing Matt to laugh. 

“Yeah, Nicky?” he counters, draping an arm over the back of the loveseat where he and Dn are sitting, “I’m bi in case you’re keeping score. I always have been.”

“So you’re telling me that I could have been kissing  _ the  _ Matthew Donovan Boyd this whole time!?” he demands, Matt rolls his eyes, still grinning. 

“Yeah, Nicky,” he says, and Neil notes the way that Dan smiles at the admission, nudging him with her elbow. 

“Never have I ever actually gotten to kiss Neil,” Andrew says boredly before gulping down the rest of his drink. As soon as he sets his cup down, he catches Nicky trying to sneak a sip. Neil swings his legs over Andrew’s lap immediately, not touching, just bracketing his legs. 

“It’s okay, Drew,” he says lowly, but Andrew’s eyes are zeroed in on his cousin. He hasn’t looked this murderous in public since Riko had tried to kill Neil after finals. 

“Care to explain?” he demands, and Neil immediately knows that this won’t end well if Nicky even  _ thinks  _ about opening his mouth. 

“It was at the very beginning of last year when we were at Eden’s. He kissed me. I pushed him off. It hasn’t happened again, and it  _ won’t _ ,” he stresses, glancing over at Nicky who is staging back at them with wide eyes. 

“You kissed him while he was  _ drugged _ ?” Andrew demands, gritting his teeth. His left hand moves to his armband, and Neil leans in so close that Andrew can feel his breath ghosting across his ear.

“Andrew, yes or no?” he asks. When Andrew nods curtly, Neil takes his chin with his fingers, turning his head so that they’re making eye contact. 

“It’s fine. He apologized. He understands that what he did was wrong, and he told me he’ll never do it again. I promise,” Neil says before pecking Andrew chastely, relaxing as soon as the deadly tension seeps out of Andrew’s shoulders.

“I’m going to get Andrew, here, a refill!” Nicky says nervously, getting up and going to the kitchen. Neil ponders for a moment, trying to decide what to say. 

“Never have I ever made someone run laps because they were annoying me,” Neil says, smiling brightly when Kevin takes a drink. 

Nicky returns, setting a full drink down in front of Andrew before retreating to his seat. They continue around the circle, poking fun at each other until they’re back to Allison. 

“Never have I ever wanted to kiss the monster,” she says, and Neil tenses at the nickname, glaring as he tips his cup back and takes a gulp before he speaks. 

“Don’t call him that.”

But then something unexpected happens. Matt takes a drink from his spot on the loveseat. There is a moment of unprecedented stillness before everyone turns to look at him. Their expressions range from curiosity to awe to disgust. 

Matt’s cheeks are dusted a soft pink color, and his eyes are trained on the floor in the center of the room. Andrew leans forward an inch, and to anyone who isn’t Neil, he looks as bored as ever. But Neil has grown accustomed to all of his microexpressions. He’s curious. 

“What the fuck?” Allison demands, incredulous. 

“I mean, is it really that hard to believe? He’s… “ Matt gestures vaguely in Andrew’s direction. 

“He’s  _ what _ , Matt?” Allison asks. 

“Yeah, he’s what, Boyd?” Andrew drawls, his words carefully flat. Neil is suddenly curious too, leaning in closer as if he’s afraid to miss Matt’s next words. 

Matt groans, hiding his face in his hands, “You’re… I dunno, hot? Cute? Mildly terrifying which I’ve always been into for god knows why,” he says into his hands. Dan laughs gleefully, clapping her hands. 

“When?” Allison asks, and Matt looks over at her. 

“When what?” 

“When did you want to kiss him?” she asks, and Matt flushes a deeper shade of red. 

“When I met him. And then not for a while because he was a fucking dick when he took me to Columbia. And then again… the rest of the time,” he says before taking a large gulp of his drink to avoid speaking again. 

No one seems to know what to do with that. Andrew and Neil return to their earlier position, and Allison keeps studying him like she’ll be able to understand if she takes in the sharp curve of his jaw enough times. 

They keep playing, going around again. But when it gets to Andrew, he taps his pointer finger on his cup before speaking. 

“Never have I ever wanted to kiss Boyd,” he says before taking a drink. Everyone stares at him with wide eyes before Nicky, Dan, and Allison also take a drink. Neil stares at his cup for a moment before sipping which catches everyone’s attention. 

“I thought you didn’t swing?” Nicky asks, and Neil shrugs. 

“I don’t. But Matt is safe. I wouldn’t mind kissing him,” he says. 

“That’s not the same thing as wanting to kiss him,” Aaron argues, and Neil sighs, not wanting to explain himself. 

“Yeah, well, It’s complicated. I don’t know what to tell you,” he says, and Andrew laces their fingers together. 

“I mean, Boyd is hot. Cute. Mildly annoying,” Andrew says, looking over at Matt pointedly. It’s basically teasing. Andrew is teasing Matt, and Neil looks downright gleeful at that moment, his eyes wide and sparkling. 

“I feel like I’m unintentionally interrupting something. Why do you two suddenly have sexual tension?” Allison whines. 

“You did this,” Dan points out, and Renee smiles, clearly amused by them all. 

“Well, I think Neil and I are done for the night,” Andrew says with an air of finality, chugging the rest of his drink and Neil’s before standing. Neil says good night to everyone before following him away. 

Matt is quieter than normal for the rest of the night. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all are amazing! Im honestly surprised by how well the first chapter did. I hope you enjoy!

None of them talk about it. A week passes in a familiar blur with nothing abnormal aside from the few times Andrew and Matt make eye contact during practice. Each time they do, Matt looks away sheepishly as if he’s trying to hide from his own admission. Andrew, as per usual, regrets nothing. Neil is just intrigued. 

Their first game of the season is particularly grueling. It was at home, and they barely pulled out a win. The freshman subs are fractured, unable to fold into the rugged cohesion of the returning players. In the locker room after the game, Andrew murmurs a quiet, “yes or no?” to Neil before walking over to Matt. 

“We sit on the roof sometimes,” Andrew says casually before walking past him and disappearing into a shower stall. Matt stares after him with wide eyes before his head whips around, and he’s staring at Neil. 

“Was that an invitation?” Matt asks, and Neil just smirks, wiping his split lip with the back of his hand. He grabs his own towel.

“He wouldn’t have told you if he didn’t want you to know,” is all Neil says. 

It’s like treading water, exhausting and exhilarating as Matt parses Neil’s words. He’s not sure if Neil is referring to tonight or the game of Never Have I Ever. He doesn’t end up asking. 

Matt had sheepishly asked Dan if he could go hang out with Neil and Andrew, and she had just laughed, ruffling his hair and telling him to have fun. With her blessing, Matt pulls a sweatshirt on before descending the stairs, loitering by the door while he gathers the courage to go outside. 

The late summer breeze feels heavier on the roof, unburdened by the buildings. He sees Andrew and Neil sitting on the edge of the roof with their legs dangling over the side. The slope of Andrew’s shoulders is tense. They’re wearing each other’s sweatshirts, but they’re not talking to each other. Neil turns to flash Matt his devastating smile as soon as he hears the door click shut. 

“Hey, Matt,” Neil calls, swinging around to plant his feet on the concrete. Matt smiles, stopping a few feet in front of them. 

“Are you planning on just standing there?” Andrew asks. He doesn’t look back. Matt chuckles nervously, shrugging before he remembers that Andrew can’t see him.

“I don’t know,” he mumbles, ducking his head and taking a tentative step closer. Neil inhales deeply, his eyes fluttering closed as the acrid scent fills his lungs. 

“Come sit,” he says, lifting a hand and offering it to Matt who takes it, moving to sit beside Neil but choosing to keep his feet firmly planted on the concrete. 

They sit there in silence, Neil fidgeting with Matt’s long fingers. The sky is dark, and the city’s lights twinkle behind them. When Andrew finishes his cigarette, his eyes slide over to take them both in.

The air is thick with tension. They’re on a precipice, but Matt is unsure of what comes next. 

“Wilds,” Andrew prompts, succinct as always, and Neil hums thoughtfully, reaching over to lace his and Andrew’s fingers together before leaning into Andrew’s side. 

“Oh, yeah. Dan’s cool. It’s… we have an open relationship kind of?” he tries to explain closing his free hand to a fist and then flexing it over and over again. 

Andrew is standing then, dropping Neil’s hand and moving swiftly in front of Matt, analyzing his face for a long moment. Matt wonders what he sees. 

“I’m going to kiss you, yes or no?” Andrew says, remaining impassive. A slow, devilish grin spreads across Neil’s face. He makes note of the way that Andrew’s pupils swallow his irises. 

Matt nods immediately, his eyes widening. 

“Not good enough, idiot. Answer the question,” Andrew says simply, and Matt’s cheeks warm again.

“Yes, Andrew,” he says, and then Andrew is leaning in, one hand sliding into the hair at the nape of Matt’s neck while the other is firm against his jaw. 

The kiss is different than every kiss Matt has experienced. Andrew kisses him insistently, open-mouthed and wanting. He presses closer to the older man. 

Matt’s hands move from their place in his lap, but he stops as Neill reaches over to grab them. Andrew pulls back just long enough to mutter, “shoulders.” And at the word, Neil’s hands fall away. Matt hums into the kiss, resting his large hands gently on Andrew’s shoulders. 

They’re beautiful together, Andrew leaning down into Matt while they kiss, backdropped by the campus. Andrew’s fair skin is stark against Matt’s tan skin, and Neil smiles unable to take his eyes off of them. 

After another minute, Andrew pulls away, his thumb tracing the sharp curve of Matt’s jawline quickly before he takes a step back effectively separating them. 

“Wow, that was-”

“Hot,” Neil says, and Andrew turns his gaze to Neil with the tiniest quirk of his lips, the expression that belies his amusement. But his lips are pink, standing out against his milky complexion. 

Matt laughs, turning to look down at Neil. 

“Is it my turn now?” Neil asks, and it might sound coy if it were coming from anyone else. But coming from Neil, it’s a challenge, his eyes alight with mischief. Matt nods before remembering Andrew’s comment. 

“Yeah, your turn,” he says before Neil leans in, pulling Matt down by the collar of his sweatshirt to press a slow, warm kiss to Matt’s lips. He likes the honey-sweet feeling of Matt, who politely keeps his hands in his lap. Neil pulls them to his waist, shifting closer. 

Neil can feel Andrew’s steady gaze on them while they kiss leisurely, slow and sweet and strangely innocent given the circumstance. 

Neil pulls away soon after, sharing a small, secretive smile with his best friend as Matt rests their foreheads together, rubbing small circles against Neil’s hip bones.

Andrew grabs Neil’s collar, tugging him away from Matt and pressing a firm, chaste kiss to his lips. 

“We’d better let Boyd get back to Wilds,” Andrew says casually. Neil stands then, grabbing Andrew’s hand in his own and staring at the shorter man like he had hung the stars. Matt just stares at them. 

“What…”

“Go to bed, Matt,” Andrew says, and Matt could swear there was a subtle lilt to his voice. It sounds like a summer rainstorm. He almost never calls Matt by his first name, and his stomach swoops.

“Okay,” he says, not wanting to push them any more than he already had. He stands, looking between the two, “Goodnight Neil, Andrew.”

Andrew throws him a two-finger salute which he hasn’t done since getting off of his meds. Matt stares for another few seconds before nodding once and disappearing back downstairs. He doesn’t see Dan though, walking straight to his room. 

He doesn’t fall asleep for a long time that night, staring at the top of the empty bottom bunk above him until he can no longer keep his eyes open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make my day!


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the weekend passes in a blur, and Monday morning is interesting. Matt moves from practice to class in a daze, and he goes through his classes on autopilot, taking down notes without absorbing any information. By the time their afternoon practice has rolled around, he’s an exposed wire, a ticking time bomb, pent up energy without an outlet. 

He changes out quickly before storming onto the court without so much as a glance towards Andrew and Neil. He can’t stay still. He plays like shit.

Kevin screams at him, pushing against his broad chest with angry palms. He’s distracted though, unable to process Kevin’s insults. He’s distracted, making bad throws and risky choices. He wonders if anyone knows that he’s distracted by the memory of both Andrew and Neil’s lips on his.

When Wymack finally calls practice, Matt deflates, the energy draining from his body. He loiters on the court, unready to go into the locker room. He sits on the bleachers, staring into the empty court. 

“Matt?”

He jumps, turning sharply to look at Neil.

“Hey, Neil,” He says, forcing a smile onto his face. Neil frowns, taking a small step closer before sitting down a safe distance away. 

“Are you okay? Are you upset about last night? We asked if it was a no, and you said yes. Drew is kind of on edge because he thought it was informed consent, but you’re acting weird. And you wouldn’t look at either of us. If he made you uncomfortable, or if I made you uncomfortable, we are so-”

“Neil, wait. What?” Matt says, sliding closer to close the space, “No, I’m alright. I’m not upset or anything.”

Neil’s posture change is immediate, his shoulders drop, and he turns to face Matt straight on. He’s lighter again.

“Oh? Then what’s wrong, asshole? You were a _mess_ out there. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dan hands you your ass,” Neil says, kicking his feet absentmindedly. Matt chuckles, cheeks flushing. 

“I keep thinking about you. Both of you. Andrew. I couldn’t sleep. Last night. I think I slept for… three hours maybe?” he says, and Neil’s eyes widen.

“C’mon then,” Neil says after a moment of silence. He stands and offers his hand, “everyone else should be gone by now, and Drew will need to hear it coming from you.”

Matt goes easily, leaving his hand in Neil’s as they walk, giddy the whole way. Neil peeks into the locker room to make sure it’s clear before ducking inside, dragging Matt in behind him.

Andrew stares at Matt with an intensity Matt has never seen him wear. He walks over slowly, stopping a few feet in front of him. 

“Andrew-”

“When I ask yes or no, you better fucking tell me the truth, Boyd,” Andrew spits. He sounds angry, having shelved his apathy. It isn’t anger though that’s fueling his words. It’s fear. It’s shame. It’s memories. 

“I did. I did tell you the truth. I wanted to kiss you. I still want to kiss you, Andrew. I promise,” Matt says, taking another small step forward. His sincerity is evident. Andrew stares at him for what feels like an eternity.

“Yes or no, Boyd,” Andrew says, his tone sliding back to indifferent. Matt’s yes tumbles out of his mouth before Andrew is even done saying his name, and he swoops down, keeping his hands to himself as their lips connect. Andrew guides Matt’s hands to his hair.

It’s even more insistent than the first time. Andrew’s fists curl into Matt’s practice jersey, pulling him closer with enough force to make Matt’s knees feel like jelly. When Andrew finally licks into Matt’s mouth, Matt moans, fingers tightening minutely in Andrew’s hair. He doesn’t want it to end. 

The realization hits him hard in the chest, and it’s like being checked by a 300-pound striker. His hands twitch, and Andrew is gone then, taking one full step backward and quirking his eyebrow at Matt. 

“No,” he winds, his left hand reaching out. Andrew takes another step back, “No. Not no like _no._ No like don’t stop,” Matt rambles through his erratic breathing. 

“You’re an idiot, Boyd,” Andrew says, forcing each muscle to relax. He didn’t hurt Matt. Matt is okay. Matt liked it. Matt wanted it. He continues to remind himself. 

“Oh, definitely,” he says willingly, a slow grin spreading across his face. His eyes are still trained on Andrew’s lips. Neil laughs, walking over and asking for permission before kissing Andrew hard, pressing his chest gently until they were backed into the lockers. Matt can hear Neil hum when Andrew’s hand curls around the back of his neck. 

“Junkies. Both of you,” Andrew mumbles against Neil’s lips after pulling away. He presses a series of chaste kisses across Neil’s jaw, “I need a fucking shower.”

They watch him go, Neil grinning wolfishly before looking up at Matt. His expression softens as soon as they’ve made eye contact. 

“You got tense,” he offers the still-confused Matt, “He doesn’t know you well enough to know how you’ll react to different touches. When you tense up, he’ll take that as bad for now even if you don’t mean it like that.”

Matt is quietly amazed by how well Neil and Andrew seem to understand each other. Matt reaches out to push the hair from Neil’s eyes. 

“I didn’t want him to stop. I was surprised by how much I didn’t want him to stop.”

Neil laughs, nodding because yeah, he understands. Andrew has a raw sort of magnetism, and Neil has been caught in his orbit since the day they met. Neil presses a kiss to Matt’s shoulder. 

“Shower,” he says then as if to remind himself. He goes to his own locker, grabs everything he needs, and then disappears into a stall. Closing the door. 

Matt a slow breath, opening his locker, and gathering his shower supplies. He stills when he catches Andrew in his peripheral. 

He turns, swallowing thickly while he drinks him in. He watches the way Andrew’s muscles flex while he moves, putting everything back in the locker. He’s only wearing a pair of grey sweats slung low on his hips and his armbands. His chest is bare. Matt wants to _lick_ him.

“You’re staring, Boyd.”

“You’re beautiful,” he counters immediately, shocking himself. Andrew looks over at him, eyes narrowed just a fraction. He watches Matt breathe while the taller man clutches desperately at his towel. 

“And you’re an idiot, what’s your point?”

“I don’t have one. I just wanted to tell you,” Matt says before pushing his locker closed and moving toward the showers. 

“Boyd,” Andrew says, pausing for effect while he pulls on a black t-shirt, hiding away his abdomen, “Kevin and Nicky are both gone from 6 to 7:15 on Tuesdays.”

Matt’s brows furrowed in confusion, and Andrew clenches and unclenches his jaw for a second before he speaks again. 

“Come over tomorrow,” the, _if you want to_ , is unspoken, but Matt hears it. He nods slowly, cheeks heating as he turns, passing a smirking Neil on his way to the shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments have been so lovely! Keep chatting with me!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even going to lie, this is all smut. The smut has feelings though! And there probably won't be more graphic smut for a few chapters. If you don't want to read the smut, you don't have to. The story will still make sense without it, you'll just miss some of their character development.

Matt watches his phone until it reads 6:10, and then he knocks on their door before he has a chance to talk himself out of it. He shoves his hands in his pockets, listening to some sort of commotion on the other side of the door before Neil pulls it open. 

It’s obvious they’ve been making out. Neil’s eyes are slightly glassy, and his lips are red and kiss bitten. He grins when he sees Matt, opening the door further and motioning him inside.

Matt hasn’t spent much time in their dorm. It’s set up the same as his own, but it feels a lot different. It looks lived in where Aaron and Matt’s feels almost empty. 

He follows Neil inside, spotting Andrew splayed out on the couch. Andrew’s eyes are fixed on Matt while Neil goes back over, immediately moving to straddle Andrew. 

Matt gulps. They look gorgeous like that, Andrew’s hair disheveled and Neil’s eyes alight with mischief. 

“You planning on just standing there, Boyd?” Andrew asks, echoing the question he had asked on the rooftop. Matt takes a step closer as Andrew pushes Neil off of him. Neil seems to get the hint and he moves to lean against the armrest while Andrew sits up, leaving enough space between them for Matt to fit into. 

He moves slowly, still unsure if he’s really allowed in their space. Eventually, he’s settled in the middle of the couch.

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks, and Matt nods while he whispers his yes, “Where can we touch you?” Andrew asks then, and Matt’s eyes widen a fraction. 

“Wherever you want to touch me,” he says, and Andrew stares at him blankly for a moment. 

“Boyd, you better mean that if you’re going to fucking say it,” Andrew warns him, but Matt just nods, letting Andrew lean in to kiss him, finally connecting their lips again. Matt hums as soon as Andrew’s lips are on his.

Andrew doesn’t leave much time before he’s straddling Matt’s hips, pressing his shoulders into the back of the couch. Matt sucks in a breath, and Neil’s lips are suddenly on his neck, trailing from his jaw to the collar of his t-shirt. His skin prickles at the ministrations, and he lets out a moan. 

“He might be as loud as you are,” Andrew says an inch from Matt’s lips. Matt’s eyes flutter open to see Andrew looking down at Neil where his lips are pressed to the column of Matt’s neck. Matt blinks at Andrew, staying quiet.

Andrew’s left hand falls from his shoulder, tracing his chest. 

“Shirt off, yes or no?” Andrew asks, and Matt smiles at Andrew as he pulls his shirt over his own head, throwing it aside. Neil hums appreciatively, dipping down to kiss at Matt’s collarbone.

“Boyd, you will tell us if it’s ever a no, and if you go nonverbal, we will stop touching you. If I ask you a question, you will answer,” Andrew says, and Matt nods, his right hand sliding into Neil’s soft hair. 

“Of course,” he breathes out, whining when Neil sucks on his nipple. Andrew leans in to bite his other nipple and shivering minutely when Matt keens, arching his back into the touch.

“Fuck, ‘Ndrew. Neil,” he moans. 

“Don’t say please,” Andrew says, and Matt just nods, focusing on not touching Andrew before he’s been given consent. 

“If you need to beg, get creative,” Neil adds, chuckling to himself like it’s his most clever joke. 

“You can touch anything shoulders and up,” Andrew tells him, “Marking, yes or no?” 

“Yes, Andrew,” he breathes out, but it’s Neil who immediately sucks a bruise to the skin of his right peck before latching onto his neck again. 

“Neil has a neck fetish,” Andrew says, causing the younger man to snort, pulling away from Matt to roll his eyes. 

“Shut up, Drew. You love it,” he counters, reaching over to nudge Andrew’s shoulder. Andrew pulls him into a bruising kiss, reaching down to cup Neil where he’s hard in his shorts. His junkie moans, trying to press closer, his knees pressed firmly against Matt’s thigh.

“So pretty,” Matt muses, watching them make out on top of him. It’s addictive, watching two people make out while he’s sat right between them. 

“Shut up,” Andrew says when he pulls away, but Matt just laughs. 

“I don’t think you really want me to. Seems like you have a thing for talkers,” he teases, reaching up to trace Neil’s plump bottom lip.

“Pants off, yes or no?” Andrew asks instead of responding. 

“Yes,” Matt says, his eyes widening when Neil’s hands immediately unbutton and unzip his jeans, tugging at the waistband. Matt lifts his hips, making it easier for Neil to get them off. 

As soon as his jeans are forgotten on the floor, Andrew’s hand is in his boxers, wrapping around the base of his cock surely. He squeezes once, pulling a heady moan from Matt’s lips.

“Andrew,” he says just because he can, raising his hand to push some hair from the blonde’s forehead. He can see Andrew thinking about it, but he doesn’t say anything. Matt wonders if the display was too soft for Andrew’s taste, but his thoughts derail when his hand starts stroking.

It’s so different than the way he touches himself. Andrew jerks him off with a singlehanded determination, switching up his style until he pulls a broken moan from Matt. As soon as he has, he’s cataloged that, repeating the motion over again, his thumb swiping over the head every few strokes. 

“You like blowjobs, Boyd?” Andrew asks, and Matt’s cheeks flush. He nods after a second, “yes or no?”

“Yes,” Matt says, cheeks flushed and chest heaving. It isn’t until then that he notices that at some point, Neil had moved to lean against the arm of the sofa, content to watch them. But after Matt’s yes, he slides off the couch, moving closer. 

“Can I help?” Neil asks Andrew who nods, dropping to the ground unceremoniously and pulling Matt’s underwear off of him completely. 

There’s something viscerally erotic about being naked while both Neil and Andrew are completely clothed. Neil sucks a bruise to Matt’s inner thigh while Andrew swallows him down. 

His mouth is warm, and the suction is so sweet that Matt’s head tips back. Andrew is clearly skilled, and he sucks dick the same way he does everything else. It’s intense and quick and almost dispassionate. 

Matt’s hands slide into Andrew’s hair, not pushing or pulling him but just holding on, afraid he’ll float away into the sensation. 

“God, Andrew, your mouth,” he says, and Andrew pulls off to give him an unimpressed look. 

“Not god, Boyd,” he says before pulling Neil away from his thigh by his hair, “help,” is all he says to Neil not even sparing him a glance. Neil just beams up at Matt before pressing a kiss to the tip of his cock. He licks his lips before going down on Matt.

His inexperience is obvious when compared to Andrew, but he too sucks dick the same way he does everything else. He’s enthusiastic, determined, humming around Matt while he tests his limits, hand massaging what he can’t take in his mouth.

“Fuck, Neil,” he says, his hands moving to Neil’s hair, his grip tightening on the strands.

Andrew is sitting next to him then, pulling Matt in for a heated kiss, pressing his tongue into Matt’s mouth without hesitation. His right hand rests on Matt’s neck, holding him there. He never squeezes though, careful to keep his touch gentle enough to be nothing more than a reminder. Matt whines.

“Tell us when you’re doing to cum,” he says lowly an inch from Matt’s lips before he drops away once more, settling beside Neil and ducking his head down to suck at Matt’s balls. Matt keens, pressing into the touch. Andrew puts his hands on each of Matt’s thighs, holding him still. 

“Ask before fucking Neil’s throat. He’ll choke if he’s not expecting it,” Andrew chastises before turning his attention back to Matt’s skin. 

He apologizes breathlessly, but Neil just shrugs without slowing down. They continue for a few more minutes before Matt feels the familiar tightening in his stomach.

“Neil, Andrew. I’m gonna cum,” he warns, and Neil doubles his efforts, moving quicker on Matt’s cock. Andrew pulls away to make direct eye contact with Matt. 

“Cum,” he says, and he doesn’t look away as Matt moans, tensing up and releasing into Neil’s mouth. When Neil pulls back, he looks over to Andrew while he swallows. Andrew shakes his head before leaning in to press an open-mouthed kiss to Neil’s.

Matt’s cheeks are flushed. They can both taste him. When they separate, Neil pulls Andrew back up to the sofa, leaning into Matt’s chest. 

Andrew lets out a sharper breath that Matt is pretty sure is as close to laughing as he’s seen unmedicated Andrew get. Neil presses a lazy kiss to Matt’s shoulder, squirming a bit to try and get comfortable.

“Yes or no, Neil?” Andrew asks, and Neil looks at him like he’s hung the stars and the moon.

“It’s always a yes with you,” he says, and Matt’s heart stutters. He thinks this might be Neil’s way of saying _I love you_. Andrew grumbles something under his breath. 

“It isn’t me. It’s Boyd and me,” he points out, settling close to Matt while he reaches over to push his hand into Neil’s boxers. 

And Andrew was right, Neil is loud. He babbles into Matt’s neck, telling Andrew how good he is and how nice it feels and whispering a litany of yeses. It doesn’t take more than a few minutes for him to cum, moaning Andrew’s name into Matt’s sticky neck, hiding his face there for a few moments while he catches his breath before he pulls up, leaning over to capture Andrew in a soft kiss, their eyes fluttering shut.

Andrew grimaces as he pulls his hand from Neil’s boxers, getting up and disappearing from the living room. Matt’s face falls, but a few minutes later, Andrew returns with washed hands and two water bottles. He hands one to each of them before sitting back down, leaning into the corner of the couch, leaving plenty of space between Matt and himself.

“Andrew, do you-”

“No,” he says, and Matt nods, ducking his head. He knows what Andrew’s been through, and he doesn’t blame him for not wanting them to touch him in return, “Boyd, that’s a not today. Not a never.”

Neil sucks in a breath, clearly surprised by Andrew’s words. Perhaps he, like Matt, had been wondering if this would be a one-time thing. If it were too good to be true. 

“It’s 6:45,” he says blankly, “If you want to shower, you know where it is. If not, put your clothes back on.”

Matt laughs a breathless, giddy noise. He doesn’t get up to shower, but he does redress before sitting back down on the couch. Neil does get up, dipping to kiss Andrew’s forehead before disappearing into the bathroom. 

When Andrew hears the water, he gets up, tossing a controller to Matt and turning on the Xbox. Matt never ceases to be surprised by everything Andrew does. He gets comfortable. 

“I’m going to win this time.”

“In your dreams, Boyd.”

When Nicky returns home from class, he joins Matt and Andrew in the living room, watching them with a sly grin. 

“Since when are you two friends?” He asks, and Andrew shoots him a glare that translates to _leave it the fuck alone, Nicky_. 

“How was class?” Matt asks instead of responding to Nicky’s question. Nicky shrugs, still watching them closely. 

Matt and Andrew are sitting on the couch with a space of about two feet between them. They don’t look close or even particularly interested in each other, but Nicky knows better than that. 

“It was fine. Where’s Neil?” he asks, and Andrew glares at him again. 

“He was taking a shower,” Matt says casually, biting his cheek while he focuses on trying to beat Andrew. 

“Why?”

“Nicky, I swear to god,” Andrew says, his voice low. 

“Fine, can I play at least?” he asks, and Andrew rolls his eyes, killing Matt’s character before standing up and tossing his controller at Nicky with more force than is necessary. 

He doesn’t say anything to Matt, but Matt gets it. He likes Nicky, but the man can’t keep his mouth shut. If he knows anything, he’ll never shut up about it. And Matt wants that even less than Neil and Andrew probably do. 

It takes everything in Matt to not watch Andrew walk away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The response to this has been amazing. I hope you guys like it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a question for you all! Do you guys want Dan and Matt to stay together?

Matt doesn’t realize there’s a problem until Sunday when the foxes start filtering into his dorm suite for movie night. They hadn’t had a game that week, and the beginning of the semester had already gotten to a few of them. He’s in the kitchen making popcorn when Dan comes up behind him and hugs around his waist.

He smiles, turning to press a kiss to her forehead. 

“Don’t you dare burn that popcorn,” she teases him, nudging him in the ribs with her elbow. She’s as beautiful as ever standing there in a pair of joggers and her favorite t-shirt. Matt has trouble tearing his eyes away. 

“Wouldn’t want that,” he agrees, opening the microwave and handing her the bag before popping another one in, “Who’s choosing the movie today?” 

“I think Allison and Nicky plan to duke it out again,” she says, grabbing a large bowl and emptying the popcorn into it, surveying it to make sure Matt hadn’t over-popped it as he was known to do. 

“One of these days, they’re actually gonna fight. I should teach Nicky how to throw a punch. Allison’ll pummel him,” Matt notes, and as if on cue, he hears the front door open and Nicky is immediately rambling about something to Aaron. 

“Speak of the devil.”

Matt chuckles, staring at the microwave intently, listening for the popping to slow. He bends down to grab another bowl, handing it off to Dan before opening the microwave and giving her the new bag. 

He freezes as soon as he notices Andrew, standing a couple of feet away from him, staring boredly. 

“Candy,” he says as soon as he has Matt’s attention. Matt nods dumbly, turning around. His brain short circuits and for a second, he just stares at the cabinets before his brain catches up, and he opens the cabinet he and Aaron had decided would be their pantry, pulling out three types of candy and handing them to Andrew. 

“I got the normal gummy worms this time. You said Neil doesn’t like the sour kind,” he says, and Andrew nods once before he turns on his heels and goes back to the living room, sitting in his normal spot on the couch. 

“Wow. Smooth,” Dan says, and Matt’s cheeks flush pink. He ducks to look away, “Stop that. It’s cute, and I think he likes it. I know I do.”

Matt rolls his eyes, grabbing one of the bowls from her and going to find that everyone had found a place to sit. 

Neil and Andrew are tucked together on the right end of their couch. Andrew hands Neil a red and yellow gummy worm, and he pops it into his mouth. Nicky had dragged the bean bags over, and he, Kevin, and Aaron are laying on them in front of the couch. Allison and Renee are sprawled across the loveseat. The only free space in the room is on the couch next to Andrew. 

He looks down at Dan, and she rolls her eyes, pushing Matt in the direction of the couch. He walks over, sitting down a few inches from Andrew, and Dan plops down on his other side leaning her head on his shoulder. 

“We’re watching something Disney,” Nicky declares and almost everyone else groans. 

“No. We’re watching anything else,” Aaron argues. 

“What about an action movie. We never watch action movies, and they’re _fun_ ,” Allison says, and Nicky crosses his arms, opening his mouth for a retort before Andrew kicks him in the back of the head. 

Neil rolls his eyes, stealing another gummy worm from Andrew’s bag. 

“What does Neil want to watch?” Nicky asks, rubbing the back of his head. Everyone turns to look at the youngest fox expectantly. He just shrugs, still chewing. 

“I don’t care,” he says, “not a horror movie, those suck,” is all he requests. Nicky and Allison argue for a few minutes before Allison just gets up and puts on National Treasure just to shut Nicky up. 

Matt tunes out the entire conversation. And here lies his problem. Dan is curled into his side, a warm familiar presence. He can feel her hair against the skin of his neck. And then there’s Andrew, two inches away on his right. He can feel the heat from his thigh, and he wants, more than anything, to feel the press of their legs together or to have his hand in Andrew’s. 

20 minutes of the movie has passed, and he hasn’t paid attention to even a second of it. A few minutes later, Andrew is holding a gummy worm out to him. Matt blinks once before taking it, biting it in half where the color changes. It’s green and orange. 

When Andrew puts his hand back down, he notices that Andrew and Neil’s fingers are tangled together, and he feels a pang of envy. Does Andrew not want to hold his hand? Does Andrew not want anyone to know that they’re… whatever they are? Does Andrew just want to get Matt off and send him on his way to Dan? Does Andrew-

“Staring,” Andrew whispers, keeping his eyes forward, and Matt’s eyes snap away from their hands, cheeks a violent shade of red. Dan just looks up at him curiously. 

He forces himself to watch the characters move on the screen, but he still can’t focus. 

Another minute passes, and Matt feels the couch cushion shift next to him until Andrew’s knee is pressed firmly against his own. His eyes slide down to look at the point of contact. He forces his breathing to stay even. 

Andrew offers him another gummy worm, turning to look at him this time. His hazel eyes glow in the Tv light, and Matt wants to kiss him. Instead, he accepts the gummy worm, biting it in half and still staring down at the blonde man. Andrew’s hand falls to hover over his thigh and when Matt nods once, his hand is there, just resting. 

Matt exhales slowly, tension seeping from his shoulders. He pulls Dan impossibly closer on one side and leans into Andrew’s touch on the other. 

Dan pinches his side gently enough to get his attention. When they make eye contact, she just winks before pressing a casual kiss to his shoulder and turning her attention back to the movie. 

Matt feels warm, content in a way he hasn’t ever felt before. A few minutes before the credits roll, Andrew takes his hand away and separates them so that they look like they did when the movie started. 

Once the lights are back on, Nicky bombards Neil with questions about the movie. They argue about the merits of National Treasure (Neil arguing that there are none, of course), and Matt just watches them talk, a small smile on his face. 

“We get it, Nicky. You think National Treasure is a masterpiece. Will you shut up about it?” Allison asks, throwing a piece of popcorn at him, grinning proudly when it gets stuck in his hair. 

“No, Allison. I am appalled by the lack of taste in this room. _Honestly_ ,” he argues, and Kevin gets up, grabbing his bean bag chair. 

“Andrew. Neil,” he says, nodding toward the door, and Matt watches Neil get up, dragging Andrew with him. 

“See you guys in the morning,” Neil calls over his shoulder as they disappear out the front door. By the time everyone but Dan is gone, Matt is finally breathing like normal again. 

“You’re a loser, babe,” she teases, helping him clean up the now-empty living room before they retreat to the bedroom together. 

Dan stays over when Aaron texts to say that he’s staying the night with Katelyn, and Matt is just glad to get to hold one of the people that he loves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys again for being so wonderful to me in the comments. It makes my day when I get to hear that you like it!! Let me know if you want Dan and Matt to stay together or nah.


	6. Chapter 6

It goes on like that for two weeks. They make out and trade hand jobs when their roommates are gone, and they play video games or watch shitty television by the time Nicky gets back from class. 

Dan knows what’s going on, but she never asks for any details. Matt isn’t sure if he’s ready to tell her anyway. He wakes up most mornings with the hazy memory of dreams where Neil and Andrew sit beside him, curled into his chest. It’s softer than he expected. He doesn’t know how to approach this growing thing. 

It’s 11 a.m. on a Thursday when there’s a knock on his door. He doesn’t have any more class for the day, and he’s laying on his couch. He stands up, walking over and smiling warmly when he sees Neil standing there in one of his old faded t-shirts and those god-awful jorts. He looks a little bit agitated but as beautiful as ever.

“Hey, Neil. What’s up?” he says, and Neil frowns slightly. 

“Hi,” is all he says. Matt steps back, gesturing him inside. 

Neil walks in, going to the kitchen and getting a glass of water before walking back over to the couch. 

Matt watches him closely, startled by the slow, off-kilter way that he moves around the dorm. As soon as he sits, he pulls his knees to his chest. 

Matt sits down next to him, making sure to telegraph his movements. 

“You alright, Neil?” he asks, and Neil nods, murmuring something that sounds suspiciously close to  _ I’m fine _ . Matt frowns at that, but he doesn’t push him to say more, choosing instead to sit in companionable silence while Neil stares at the wall. 

After Neil finishes drinking his water, he stands again, making his way back to the kitchenette. Neil bends down to pull the dish soap from under the sink.

“You can just-” he doesn’t finish his sentence. 

The crack of the Dawn hitting the ground echoes in the small room as the cap breaks, soap spilling across the floor. Matt jerks back as soon as Neil flinches, hissing when his hipbone hits the corner of the counter sharply enough to break the skin.

“Shit, Neil. I’m so sorry.”

Neil is rigid, unmoving from his place near the sink. Matt doesn’t know what to do, afraid of making the situation any worse.

“Neil? Is it alright if I come over there?” he asks slowly, heartbeat picking up in his chest when he is met by only silence. Matt’s frown deepens as he moves forward as slowly as he can manage until he is a foot away from Neil. His feet are sticky with dish soap. 

Matt reaches over to take the glass away from Neil, releasing it from his vice grip to set it in the sink. He then turns to take him in.

He’s terrified. His eyes are wide, and his chest rises and falls rapidly.

“Neil,” Matt tries again, speaking as softly as he can manage. Neil pulls away, trying to get more distance between them. He slips on the soap, falling into the cabinets with a deafening thud, his head and shoulder hitting first. 

Matt flinches, looking down at his dazed best friend. He feels warm, panicky, and overwhelmed. Before he can think about it, he has his phone pressed to his ear. It rings five times. 

“Boyd, Andrew says, his apathetic voice soothing through the speaker. 

“I think Neil’s having a panic attack or something?” he says, his voice thin and wavering. 

“Tell me what happened,” Andrew demands, and there’s more emotion in those four words than Matt has heard since Neil was missing the semester before. 

“He came over like fifteen minutes ago, and he was really quiet. He just got something to drink and curled up on the couch. When he got up, he was going to wash the glass, and I accidentally startled him. And he dropped the dawn. And he let me take the glass, but I don’t know if he really registered that I took it away. And then I said his name, and he flinched and he slipped and he might have hit his head, but I don’t want to touch him because he’s nonverbal. I know how important it is to get consent and-”

“Stop rambling.” Andrew sounds calm, and Matt falls silent immediately, his chest heaving, “Okay. Go sit next to him, and see if you can get him to talk.”

Matt swallows thickly before walking over, careful not to fall on top of his spooked best friend. He kneels down, trying to make eye contact and keep his hands from shaking. Neil’s eyes are glassy, glazed over in a way that Matt has never seen. 

“Neil?” he says so quietly his words are almost a whisper, “Did you hit your head?” 

When Neil doesn’t respond to him, he starts to panic, “Andrew-”

“Put your hand on the back of his neck. Not too tight, but firmly enough that he can feel it. Put the phone up to his ear,” Andrew says, and Matt’s breathing is rapid. He reaches out slowly, pressing the phone to Neil’s ear while his left hand gently grabs the back of his neck.

Neil’s demeanor changes as soon as Andrew starts talking. Matt can’t hear what he says, but he stays still, breathing shallowly. 

“Yes,” Neil says after a minute, “No,” he continues to respond to Andrew in one word answers for a couple of minutes before he lifts a shaking hand and pushes the phone towards Matt’s face. He takes the hint and brings it back to his ear. 

“Andrew-”

“He’s having a bad day. He went to you instead of running. He said it’s okay if you check his head. It’s okay if you move him to the couch. It’s okay if you talk to him. You can keep touching the back of his neck, it calms him down. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Don’t let him leave. If at any time, he tries to actively pull away from you or he tells you to stop, stop touching him.” It’s the most Matt has ever heard him say at one time. 

“Okay, thanks. We’ll see you in a few minutes,” Matt says, putting his phone back in his pocket as soon as the line goes dead. 

“I’m going to move us to the couch now,” Matt says, telling Neil so that he can prepare. He picks him up bridal style, cradling him to his chest and is relieved when he doesn’t see any blood. 

Once they’re sitting on the couch, Neil on Matt’s lap, Matt takes one hand and moves it to the back of Neil’s head. 

“I’m going to poke around back here. If anything is really bad, can you squeeze my arm?” he asks Neil, satisfied at the minute nod he provides. He presses to his fingers to Neil’s head, cataloging the few small flinches, but Neil never grabs his arm. 

“Okay, good. That’s really good, Neil. Thanks for letting me do that. I think it’s just bruised, but we’ll have Abby look at it tomorrow,” he says, letting his hand drop to the back of Neil’s neck. He relaxes a bit at that, curling into Matt’s chest. He just holds him there until there’s a sharp knock at the door. 

“That’s Andrew, can I get up to let him in?” Matt asks, and Neil nods, moving to the corner of the couch. Matt moves swiftly, opening the door and stepping aside as Andrew pushes past him, going to sit beside Neil. 

Matt feels like he’s intruding on their moment, but he doesn’t know what to do. He swallows thickly, scratching at the back of his neck. Andrew speaks in hushed German, his hand placed surely on the back of his neck. After a couple of minutes, Andrew glances back at Matt, who is still just standing there. 

“Can you get him a bottle of water?” Andrew asks, and Matt nods, relief flooding his face while he goes over to the fridge, fishing out a bottle and bringing it back over. He opens the cap before handing it to Andrew who holds it to Neil’s lips, letting him drink. 

“Boyd, we’ll talk later, I’m taking him to bed,” Andrew says, scooping him up easily and walking to the door. And just like that, they’re both gone, leaving Matt alone in his dorm, needing to clean up a full bottle of dish soap and work through his own panic. 

Instead, he takes a shower until all of the hot water is gone.


	7. Chapter 7

Andrew and Neil aren’t at practice that day. Matt doesn’t play as well with Renee in the goal, but he tries his hardest. He feels hollowed out, vaguely empty, and anxiety threads its way through his veins. 

After practice, Dan follows Matt back to his dorm, exasperated by the state of the kitchen. She doesn’t say anything about it, helping him clean the floor while she chatters about her day. 

As soon as the floor is cleaned, Matt leans against the counter. 

“Hey, what’s up?” she asks, walking over and plastering herself against his back. He relaxes into her touch, shaking his head. 

“It was a long morning. Neil…”

“He’s having a bad day. Coach told me. And I get it; we all have off days,” she says, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade. 

“It wasn’t just an off day. I scared the shit out of him. He came to me for help, and I-” he cuts off, squeezing his eyes shut. Dan just frowns, taking a moment to collect her thoughts before she speaks. 

“Hey, we’re not perfect. None of us are. You did your best, and he’s safe and okay. He came to you because he knows you’d do anything for him,” she says, and Matt just shrugs. 

“Andrew was in class.” 

The words hang heavy in the small room. Dan sighs, shaking her head and pulling away from his back. She goes to the cabinet, pulling out ingredients for pasta. 

“Andrew was in class,” Dan parrots back to him after a few minutes, chopping up onion on Matt’s shitty cutting board. 

“Neil wanted Andrew, but he was in class,” Matt tries again, and Dan sighs dramatically, dicing the onion with practiced ease. 

“Matt. Neil and Andrew have trust built up already. They’re both shitty at being vulnerable, but they’re vulnerable with each other. He felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable in front of you. You’re probably right. He probably would have preferred Andrew in that situation, but that doesn’t diminish y’all’s relationship. Your best friends and… also y’know. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Trust takes even longer,” she says, continuing to make sauce while she talks. 

Matt stares at her with unconcealed wonder, watching her move swiftly. They had learned to cook together, watching youtube videos and studying recipes, but he never ceases to be amazed by her. 

“When did you get so wise?” he asks. She grabs the hand towel and throws it at him. 

“I’ve always been wise; you’re just not usually this dense,” she counters, and he moves forward, pressing a kiss to her temple before pulling down the spices they need. 

“Well, I love you,” he says, and she smiles up at him. 

“I love you too. Text Andrew and check up on Neil, okay? I can tell it’s bothering you,” she says, nudging him in the direction of his phone. He nods, kissing her temple again before going and calling Andrew. It only rings twice

“Boyd.”

“Hey, Andrew. I just wanted to check in on you guys. Do you need anything? Dan and I are making pasta. You want some?” he says, his cheeks going pink while he rambles. 

“Neil is sleeping,” Andrew says, and Matt wishes for once that he’d be more forthcoming. 

“Do you need anything?” he asks again, and he starts to fidget when he’s met with silence. 

“No. We don’t need anything right now. We’ll see you tomorrow,” Andrew intones after a minute. 

“Okay, see you tomorrow,” Matt says, pocketing his phone after the line goes dead. He makes his way back to the kitchenette, content to watch Dan hum whatever top 40 hit is stuck in her head today. 

The Terrapins are good this year. They’re the kind of efficient that has Matt gritting his teeth and bruised up from checking his mark too often. 

The striker is fast. She’s not as fast as Neil, of course, but she holds her own. Her footwork is impeccable, and Matt is consistently confounded, having to heavily rely on his height. 

One of the most notable changes since he and Neil and Andrew had started their thing is how willing Andrew seems to communicate with him on the court. Every few plays, he’ll bark an order at Matt or give him a tip or even just shoot him a pointed look. It’s a welcome distraction from the brutal game. 

The foxes are ahead 4-3, but Matt isn’t sure they’ll be able to keep that lead. 

They’re in the second half when Andrew hits the ball far, and Matt watches with a sly smile as Neil zooms down the court. He looks stunning, faster than a bullet and twice as deadly. Matt doesn’t notice the Terrapin backliner until Neil is on the ground, tripped and laying there. 

This happens. It’s exy. Sometimes they fall, they trip, they get smashed into the wall. There’s nothing significant about that. 

The problem is when they don’t get back up. 

Matt is sprinting then, dropping his racket and zeroing in on the backliner. It had been illegal. He had tripped Neil with his racket, and if Neil had gotten back up, he probably would have been given a penalty shot. 

Matt throws a punch, knocking the backliner’s helmet off and hitting him again. He gets in four hits, taking two before Dan is there, forcing herself between them. 

“Matt,  _ stop _ ,” she says, bracing herself against his chest. The referees are going crazy, but all Matt can think about is making him hurt the way that he hurt Neil. 

He turns then, jogging over and kneeling down beside Andrew and Neil. Neil reaches up, wiping a trickle of blood from Matt’s split lip without saying anything. 

“Are you okay?” he says, and Neil nods, glancing down at his ankle. 

Andrew and Matt stand, but as soon as Neil puts pressure on his left foot, he hisses.

“Stop,” Matt says, looking up gratefully to see Abby jogging over to them, “don’t make it worse.”

Neil scoffs, crossing his arms while they wait for Abby. While she’s trying to convince Neil to get off the court, Andrew turns to look at Matt, his eyes ablaze. He nods once, and Matt knows this is as close to a thank you as he’s going to get. 

Time feels slow, but within a minute, Matt’s scooping Neil up, carrying him off the court, and accepting his red card. 

“Boyd, what the  _ fuck  _ was that? You can’t just start fistfights in the middle of the damn game! Josten isn’t a damsel, and you don’t have to protect his honor,” Wymack booms, sending Nicky and Jack out onto the court. 

Matt just sits down, taking the ice pack that Abby tosses his way and pressing it to his swollen lip. 

“Sorry, Coach,” he says, and Wymack shakes his head. 

“No, you aren’t. You’re running fifteen extra laps at practice on Monday,” he mutters before going over to check in on Neil who is vehemently arguing with Abby about something as she elevates his leg. 

Matt goes over, sitting down beside Neil and listening to them argue. 

“It’s a sprain, Neil. If you run on it, if you  _ play  _ on it, you won’t heal. You’re not practicing or play for at least two weeks.”

“But-”

“No buts! Two weeks, ice every day. We’ll reassess after your two weeks are up,” Abby says, and Matt sighs, watching Nicky’s mark get around him and take a shot on the goal. Andrew stops it, hitting hard. 

“He’s so good,” Matt says quietly after Abby walks away. Neil doesn’t respond, watching Andrew petulantly. 

They sit there for the rest of the game, watching Andrew shut down the goal, knocking every attempt away with vicious force. 

“He’s amazing,” Neil says after the final buzzer rings, glancing up at Matt, “Thank you. Coach was right though; you don’t need to defend my honor. I don’t have any,” Neil says, and Matt just rolls his eyes. 

Matt stands, grinning down at Andrew when he approaches them. He looks bored as always, but he takes a moment to assess Neil’s ankle before turning to Matt and gesturing for him to lower the ice pack. As soon as he deems them both okay, he looks between them. 

“You two are fucking unbelievable.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys for the kind words and feedback. I love hearing from you!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is pretty fluffy to be honest...

It’s 2 a.m. when Matt’s phone rings, and he jolts awake, his head narrowly missing a collision with the top bunk. He silences it and stumbles blindly out into the living room before answering, hoping that Aaron stays asleep. 

“Wassup?” he says, voice groggy from sleep. 

“You have 5 minutes to get outside.”

“‘Ndrew?” he says, pressing the heel of his free hand to his left eye, stifling a yawn. 

“Yes, idiot. 5 minutes or we’re leaving you. Neil will be upset,” Andrew says, and the line goes dead. 

He sits there on the couch for a minute, blinking into the dark living room before he forces himself to stand up and take stock. He’s in a pair of joggers and a t-shirt. He feels weirdly underdressed and checks the clock before deciding he didn’t give a shit and grabbing his wallet from the bedroom as quietly as he can. 

When he gets outside, he sees Andrew and Neil leaning against the building, cigarettes in hand. Matt walks over, giving them a small smile. Neil reaches out and Matt takes his hand without thinking about it. 

Neil’s eyes widen a bit, but a grin spreads across his face. He squeezes Matt’s hand once, tugging him closer. 

“You woke me up,” he says, turning his gaze to Andrew who stares back at him uncaringly. 

“Sorry, we’re going on a drive. Wanted you to come,” Neil says, swinging their hands absentmindedly, getting used to the unfamiliar weight. Matt’s hands are bigger than his own. It makes him feel safe, cocooned in his best friend’s reassuring presence. 

“Happy to be here,” Matt assures, reaching up with his free hand to brush Neil’s hair out of his eyes. “Yes or no?”

“Yes,” Neil says, and Matt dips down, pressing a chaste kiss to his lips. He’s unable to drag his eyes away from Neil when he pulls back. 

He’s stunning as always, athletic shorts and a plain threadbare t-shirt. His cheeks are dusted pink, and Matt is giddy. 

Andrew pushes off of the wall, stomping out the butt of his cigarette and making his way closer to Matt. 

Matt swallows thickly, turning to look down at him. There’s a smattering of freckles across his cheeks and his eyes seem almost golden in the moonlight. 

“Where are we going?” he asks Andrew who just shrugs, staring at him with an unflinching air of challenge. “Yes or no?” Matt’s voice is soft, and Andrew says nothing for a moment. 

“Yes,” he says then, and Matt dips down again, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to the corner of Andrew’s lips. When he pulls back, Andrew sighs. He raises his hand, letting it hover Near Matt’s neck until Matt whispers assent. Andrew pulls him down, kissing him firmly. 

It isn’t urgent or intense like Andrew’s kisses typically are. It’s simpler, like a reminder that he’s there. Matt sighs against his lips, smiling. 

“You’re like a puppy dog. Stop that,” Andrew says as soon as he’s pulled away scowling. 

“Stop what?” he asks, still beaming. Andrew shoves his shoulder gently before he turns, stalking off towards the Maserati. Neil and Matt follow, still holding hands as they go. Matt gets in the back, choosing the middle seat and leaning forward, resting his elbows on the two front seats. 

“Smells like you,” Matt says, and Andrew rolls his eyes. 

“Idiot,” he mutters, turning the key in the ignition. The mas purrs to life, and Matt leans his cheek on his left arm, watching Neil as they drive. 

No one says anything for a long time, just sitting there in companionable silence while they leave Palmetto behind in the rearview mirrors. Matt is content to spend his time watching Neil and Andrew. At some point, they grab hands, resting on the console between them. 

Matt smiles down at their hands, humming happily. 

“Milkshakes?” Neil asks, and Andrew supplies a small grunt, checking the next mile marker. Soon, they’re outside a small 24-hour diner. When they park, Matt gets out, stretching before he follows them inside. 

They don’t wait for the waitress to see them, moving to the booth in the back. Matt slides into the booth beside Neil, looking over the menu on the table. 

“I thought you didn’t love ice cream,” Matt says to Neil who shoots him a conspiratorial glance. 

“I don’t,” he says, and Andrew kicks them both under the table. It’s not very hard, a warning more than anything else. Matt laughs gleefully, draping an arm over the back of the booth. Neil leans into his side for a second, straightening back up when the waitress comes over. 

“Good morning, you three. You brought a new friend along,” the young waitress says, smiling at Neil who nods, nudging Matt. 

“Hi,” he says dumbly, and she just laughs setting down three glasses of water and a chocolate shake in front of Andrew as well as the silver cup filled with the extra that wouldn’t fit in his glass. He immediately takes a sip. 

“Hey, darlin’. You want your usual?” she asks Neil who nods, “And for you?” 

“What’s good?” he asks, anxiety bubbling in his stomach. He feels separate again like he’s intruding on their space, their night. 

“Everything,” the waitress says at the same time Neil says, “pancakes.”

“Do you have chocolate chip pancakes?” he asks, and the waitress nods, jotting it down and turning to head back to the kitchen. Matt watches her go, his shoulders tensed. 

“Boyd. Breathe,” Andrew says, and Matt sucks in a slow, shaky breath. He takes another moment before he can turn back to them. 

“So you guys come here a lot?” he asks, voice thin. Neil leans into him again, sitting back up immediately when he feels Matt tense up. He shifts away minutely, and Matt wants to scream. 

“We don’t sleep well,” Andrew says, “the milkshakes are good,” he pushes the milkshake towards Matt, an offering. He takes a tentative sip, nodding in agreement before sliding it back across the table. 

“I don’t always sleep well either,” Matt says quietly, not wanting to talk about his own nightmares but longing to share a secret part of himself. Neil nods thoughtfully. 

“I can’t run. It's only been six days, and it's driving me crazy,” he says after a second, “I run every morning. Sometimes, when I can’t sleep I’ll go run a mile and come back. Sometimes we drive. It’s not the same as running, but it takes the edge off,” he offers, reaching over and scooping up some whipped cream on his pointer finger, sucking it clean. Andrew scowls at him. 

“Did you want to run?” he asks, thinking back to Neil’s panic attack. 

“I don’t… it’s not like that. I don’t _want_ to run. I mean, I want to run in the mornings. But that’s different. Some nights I wake up, and I feel like my skin is pulled too tight like it’s trying to crawl off of me. I had to run. I didn’t have a choice, sometimes it still feels like I don’t have a choice,” Neil says, thrumming his fingers against the table. 

Matt nods slowly, “You don’t have to run anymore. Not if you don’t want to,” he offers, and Neil nods slowly. 

“Where’s your favorite place that you’ve ever been to?” Neil is surprised by the question. His eyebrows shoot up. 

“Here,” he says, eyebrows furrowing. It breaks Matt’s heart. 

“Then you better not run, asshole,” he says, and Neil’s expression breaks open. He looks up at Matt like he pulls the sun up each morning, “And if you want to run, let us come with you?” 

He feels stupid as soon as he’s said it. His breathing picks up, heartbeat hammering in his chest. Why would Neil want to take him? He has Andrew. He doesn’t need Matt. He never even-

“I did,” Neil says, his eyes shifting out the window, settling on the car outside. And suddenly, everything clicks into place. 

“ _Oh_ ,” he says, soft and awed. Andrew scoffs, gulping his milkshake. 

“Idiot,” he mutters, but Matt doesn’t miss the small quirk of his lips. It’s an Andrew smile, fond and sly and so beautifully Andrew. Matt feels a hundred pounds lighter. 

“Yeah. I am,” he says, thanking the waitress a minute later when she slides three plates onto the table. The first it a short stack of pancakes absolutely covered in fresh strawberries. The second is Matt’s short stack of chocolate chip pancakes. The third is a large plate of bacon. Andrew grabs a piece, nibbling at it. 

Matt watches them for a second before taking a bite of his food, humming appreciatively. Andrew is watching him, and before Matt has thought it through, he’s cut a bite and offered it to Andrew who stares at him before he leans in, taking the bite directly off of the fork. 

Matt’s heart leaps in his chest. It’s stupidly soft, domestic. He wants to kiss Andrew hard, muss up his perfect hair, press him into the seats of his stupid Maserati, drive him home and do it again. 

“Good,” Andrew says, his eyes slightly narrowed. Matt flushes pink, shoving a bite in his own mouth and nodding. 

“So, we’re going to lose our next match,” Neil says between bites, and Andrew glares at him. 

“No exy at the table,” he chastises. 

“I’m just _saying_. Matt and I are both out- you’re a fucking idiot by the way- and Jack and Sheena aren’t working with the team well enough, and Nicky and Aaron will struggle to play through a whole game. It’s going to-”

“Shut up, junkie,” Andrew says, tossing a jelly packet at him. Matt laughs, watching them throw the jelly back and forth. 

“You’re probably right. And I’m not an idiot. That bastard deserved it,” Matt argues. 

“You are an idiot, but you’re right,” Andrew says, nodding once, “he’s lucky you got to him before I did. You just gave him a black eye. I would have ruptured his spleen.”

Matt laughs again, nodding. He could picture it, Andrew pulling a knife on the backliner and beating him to shit while Neil and Matt watched. The idea was hotter than it had the right to be. 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Neil argues, and both Matt and Andrew glare at him. 

“You aren’t allowed to say that word anymore,” Matt reminds him at the same time Andrew chucks another jelly packet at his forehead. 

“Whatever,” Neil mutters. 

They chat idly while they finish their food. Matt gives Andrew more of his pancakes, blushing every time Andrew doesn’t take the damn fork. 

Matt throws down a fifty dollar bill, and Andrew makes a comment under his breath. The only words Matt hears are _rich kid_ , but Andrew lets Matt kiss his cheek before they get back in the Maserati and drive back to fox tower. 

It’s 4 a.m. when they get back, and they have practice in a couple of hours. Matt doesn’t want to go back to his room. He wants to fall asleep on Andrew and Neil’s couch, both of them pillowed on his chest. 

Instead, he kisses them both sweetly and waits for their door to close before he heads back to his dorm. He falls asleep quickly to the memory of chocolate and strawberry kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments make me undeniably happy. They honestly keep me going. Thank you guys so much for your kind words.


	9. Chapter 9

October passes in a haze. Matt spends some of his nights pressed into Andrew and Neil’s couch with their mouths on his skin and their hands in his hair and some nights with a stack of flashcards while Andrew reads a book and Neil does equations and some nights in the backseat of the maserati while Andrew presses mercilessly against the gas pedal. On the other nights, he holds Dan close, whispering sweet nothings against her soft skin like a prayer. 

The fall banquet passes without much incident (aside from Neil starting shit with some backliner), and Matt passes his midterms after downing a questionable amount of coffee and getting barely any sleep. 

The foxes decide, at Nicky’s request, that instead of having a movie night on Sunday, they’ll go to Eden’s for the obnoxious Halloween bash that they throw every year. Neil whines about not wanting a costume, and Andrew rolls his eyes at him. 

A few days later, they’re laying on the couch, Neil sprawled out across both Matt and Andrew while Rocky Horror plays quietly in the background. Matt turns to Andrew with a devious smile, and Andrew narrows his eyes. 

“I don’t want to hear it,” Andrew says as soon as Matt opens his mouth. 

“I think you should dress up as Rocky,” Matt says, and Neil turns his head to look between the two. Andrew blinks once before rolling his eyes. 

“You just want to see me in the gold underwear,” Andrew says boredly, “not happening, Boyd.”

“I do just want to see you in the gold underwear,” Matt agrees, leaning closer to Andrew, “you’d look stunning,” he whispers, and he almost misses the tiny shiver it causes. 

“Not happening,” he says again, and Matt laughs, nodding. 

“Fair enough. What are you dressing up as?” he asks, and Andrew shrugs. Matt lets it drop, whispering a quiet  _ yes or no _ before kissing Andrew, tongue swiping across the seam of Andrew’s lips. 

Andrew presses closer, taking control of the kiss almost immediately. Their evening dissolves into a steamy makeout session. 

Two weeks later, Dan is fixing his bowtie, smiling up at him warmly. She looks flawless, and Matt dips down to pepper her face with kisses. 

She laughs, her eyes sparkling. A moment later, there’s a knock on the door, and Matt’s cheeks heat up. He has no way of knowing whether it’s Andrew’s lot or Renee and Allison, but he feels giddy anyway. 

Matt walks over, pulling the door open and forcing himself not to stare at Neil or Andrew. He lets all four of them come inside before returning to Dan’s side. 

“Morticia and Gomez. Nice,” Nicky compliments, winking at Matt who just rolls his eyes. Kevin is wearing a Trojans jersey, and Matt almost laughs. But he looks happier than normal, so he lets it go. Nicky is in a sailor costume that he obviously picked up at a Spirit Halloween store. 

But Andrew and Neil look stunning. Neil is wearing black skinny jeans and combat boots with a red velvet t-shirt and a pair of devil horns. Andrew is wearing ripped black skinny jeans and a leather jacket sans shirt. There’s a line of fake blood near the right corner of his mouth, and Matt wants to drag them both to his bedroom and send everyone else without them. 

“Vampire?” he says instead, and Andrew just stares at him. 

A minute later, Allison and Renee arrive and Aaron and Katelyn come out from the bedroom. They hit the road without much talking, and Matt chuckles at Allison’s fawning over Neil. 

Once they’re at Eden’s, Andrew and Nicky get them a table before disappearing to the bar to get them drinks. Dan is chatting animatedly with Allison, and Matt is sitting down, watching everyone. Neil sits next to him, leaning in. 

“It’s busy,” he says, and Matt nods, turning and giving him a quick once over. 

“You look fantastic,” Matt says, drinking in the way Neil’s cheeks go pink in the low lighting. He worries at the hem of his shirt, “y’know, I’ve been thinking about making a deal with the devil,” Matt adds, trying for cavalier. 

“Oh yeah?” Neil counters, perking up, “I think maybe we could arrange that.”

Before Matt can respond, Andrew and Nicky each set down a tray, distributing drinks. Matt takes his gratefully, thanking Andrew, and taking a gulp. He doesn’t go out drinking very often. The atmosphere tends to set him on edge, awakening all of his darkest cravings at once. 

Neil sips at a ginger ale. Their moment has slipped away into the night, but neither of them is too upset about it. They drink and chat and do shots for a while before half of the team disappears. 

“Matt,” Dan says, grinning over at him and offering her hand, “come dance with me?” 

He stands, letting her pull him into the sea of bodies. The music is loud, washing over them as they settle into the rhythm of each other. Matt’s hot in his suit, and he kind of wishes he were wearing a t-shirt. But Dan is beaming, and Matt doesn’t want to dampen her mood. 

Half an hour later, Matt is back at the table, having left Dan with Nicky. He sits down next to Kevin and grabs a shot from the tray, tossing it back. Kevin smiles at him, but before he can say anything, Neil has tapped him on the shoulder. 

“Smoke break?” he asks, and Matt nods, standing up immediately and following Andrew through the back until they’re outside in the crisp evening air. Andrew pulls out two cigarettes, handing one to Neil and lighting them both before leaning against the wall. 

“Andrew, you look amazing,” Matt says, ignoring the way the blonde’s eyes narrow just a touch.

“I didn’t ask,” Andrew says, taking a drag. Matt watches the way the smoke curls in front of them, and he wishes they were alone back at fox tower. 

“I know, but I just wanted to tell you,” he says. Neil offers Matt his cigarette. He’s tempted, eager to feel the rush of calm, but after a few seconds, he shakes his head. 

“I didn’t know you dance,” Neil says casually, and Matt laughs, shaking his head. 

“No, I don’t. Dan’s a dancer, and she just makes me look good. I never have a damn clue what I’m doing,” Matt says, and Neil nods. 

“I’ve never danced before,” he says, and Matt frowns, looking between them. It doesn’t surprise him that Andrew doesn’t dance. It’s crowded, and the likelihood of someone bumping into him or brushing against him is too high. But Neil seems curious. 

“Then we’ll have to dance sometime,” Matt offers, tangling their fingers together and squeezing once. Neil chuckles, nodding and turning to look at Andrew. 

“You planning on sneaking into our room tonight?” Andrew asks, and Matt shrugs. He looks up at the moon, not saying anything. 

“Are you okay, Matt?” Neil asks

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says, and Andrew quirks an eyebrow, turning to stare at him. 

“Lying isn’t your best look,” Andrew says. Matt doesn’t have anything to say to that, so he looks back up at the moon. 

“How come he’s allowed to say fine?” Neil asks, turning to Andrew. 

“Don’t be an idiot,” Andrew counters, finishing his cigarette before stomping it out, “Do what you want Boyd; the offer stands,” he says before going back inside. Neil stands there with him in silence for a few minutes before Neil goes back inside too. 

Matt stands alone for a few minutes before making his way back to the table, going to toss back another shot when Andrew levels him with a very pointed look. 

“You’re finished,” Andrew says, taking the glass from him and handing it to Dan who takes it without complaint. Matt glares at him petulantly, but he doesn’t say anything, “Kevin, get up,” Andrew says then, turning and leaving Edens, his family following behind him. 

Matt watches them go. 

“Babe, you look like a kicked puppy dog,” she says, nudging him, “let’s go.”

He gives Renee his keys, and they get home without incident. Inside, Nicky tells everyone where they’re sleeping. Nicky lets Renee and Allison take his bedroom, and they drag Dan along, leaving Nicky, Kevin, and Matt out in the living room. 

Kevin passes out on the couch in minutes, and Nicky lays blankets out on the floor for both of them. Matt sits there for a minute in the dark. 

“Nicky?” he whispers, and Nicky turns to look at him. 

“Yeah?”

“I need you to do something for me, okay?” he whispers, and Nicky just nods, smiling up at Matt. His eyes are glazed from the alcohol in his system, “I’m going upstairs, and you are never going to mention it.”

Nicky laughs, reaching over and patting Matt’s shoulder. He’s wasted, and Matt highly doubts he’ll remember this in the morning. But he needs to cover his bases anyway. He waggles his eyebrows at Matt. 

“I fucking knew it! Use protection,” he says, giggling to himself before laying down, “And Matt, you better not hurt Andrew or I’ll let ‘im kill you.” he says. Matt rolls his eyes before walking upstairs, knocking twice on Andrew’s door. 

Andrew opens the door and lets him in, closing and locking it behind them. He doesn’t say anything, going back to the bed and laying down. Matt loiters near the door, wringing his hands together.

“What?” Neil demands, slipping off his armbands and changing into a pair of sweatpants. 

“I don’t know,” he says honestly, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“Come here,” Andrew says, and Matt walks over, slouching so that he’ll look smaller. Andrew just stares at him, waiting for him to say something. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Andrew says, his eyes sliding from Matt to Neil. 

“But I-”

“No. Don’t apologize,” he says, his voice tense. 

“Andrew?” he asks, his voice small. He focuses on his breathing as Andrew’s gaze turns back toward him, “Can I kiss you?” 

Andrew says nothing for what feels like an eternity. With each passing second, Matt feels more nervous. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” he says instead of answering, and Matt’s eyes widen. 

“Like what?” 

“Like I’m going to hurt you. Get out if you don’t trust me,” he says, clenching and unclenching his jaw. 

“Andrew,” Neil warns, reaching out to take Matt’s hand, flinching when Matt pulls away. 

“I don’t think you’re going to hurt me,” he says, frowning, “I just asked if I could kiss you.”

“No,” Andrew says, standing up and leaving the room. Matt flinches when he hears the bathroom door close. 

Matt closes his eyes, trying to quell his rising anxiety. 

“Matty?” Neil asks, he says it like Matt is fragile like he’ll break into a thousand pieces. He honestly feels like he might. 

He drags his eyes open, looking at Neil. 

“C’mon,” he says, sitting on the bed and patting beside him, “will you talk to me? You’ve been weird all day.”

“I’m sorry,” Matt says, flinching as soon as he’s said it. Neil sighs, patting the bed again. Matt sits down, “I wanted to kiss you the second you walked through my door today. Andrew too. I wanted to be alone with you guys, and then we came to Columbia with everyone. It’s just hard cuz I’m just a stupid secret, and I…”

“You’re so stupid,” Neil cut in, “honestly, Matt. How can you be one of the smartest people that I know and still be such an idiot? You don’t seriously think that we care if anyone knows do you?” he says, rolling his eyes.

“Well I just thought-”

“You thought nothing. I’m going to get Drew. Don’t have a breakdown while I’m gone,” he says, hopping up and disappearing through the doorway. 

Matt sits there alone for a few minutes, fidgeting on the bed until Neil and Andrew come back in. Matt stands up when he sees them, swallowing thickly. 

“Andrew-”

“Yes or no?” he asks, and Matt nods, smiling softly.

“Yeah, Andrew,” he says, sitting back down and smiling into Andrew’s kiss. Andrew kisses him fiercely and for just a moment before he pulls back. 

“No sex. We were drinking,” Andrew says, and Matt nods, still smiling. 

“You staying tonight?” Neil asks, leaning his chin on Andrew’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, if that’s alright?” 

Andrew is quiet for a moment, mulling something over in his head. He looks at Neil with an expression that Matt doesn’t yet know how to read.

“Or maybe not?” Matt says suddenly, standing up, “This is. Yeah, it’s actually probably better if I’m downstairs. The girls wake up earlier than I do, and they’ll ask questions. And Allison will give me a headache,” he rambles, walking over to the door. 

“Oh, night Matt,” Neil says, and Matt can tell he’s disappointed. Andrew stares at him for a second before echoing the sentiment. 

“I’ll see you both in the morning,” he says. 

The second the door is closed behind him, he groans, running a hand over his face. He can hear their hushed voices from the other side, and it makes his chest ache. As soon as he reaches the stairs, the door opens. 

“Boyd, get in here,” Andrew says, sounding bored as ever. 

“But-”

“Neil will drag you downstairs before anyone else is up. Get in the damn bed. Neil is in the middle.” 

Matt nods, going back into the room and laying down closest to the door, letting Andrew climb over him. He settles with his back against the wall, pressed away from them. 

“Goodnight,” he whispers, biting his cheek to hide his smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments make me the happiest person alive. Let me know what you think?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of this is smut, but yall. There are so many FEELINGS in this chapter. So many feelings. I hope you like it.

Matt wakes up with Neil pressed against his back whispering his name. He groans, shaking his head and curling farther into himself. 

“Matt, up,” he says, nudging him closer to the edge of the bed. 

Everything is still hazy, remnants of sepia dreams and wandering hands and lingering kisses. Neil nudges him again. Instead of getting up, Matt carefully flips over, sending Neil a sleepy smile. 

“Morning,” he says, and Neil rolls his eyes before whispering it back. 

“I told you I’d get you back downstairs before anyone else wakes up,” Neil reminds him, hand hovering over Matt’s. Matt takes it, lacing their fingers together. 

“Mmm but you’re warm,” he mutters, hiding his face in the pillow. 

“Shut up or get out,” Andrew says, voice thick with sleep from his place against the wall. Matt looks up, smiling at him. He looks softer than normal, smaller. Matt flushes pink. 

“Morning to you too, sweetheart,” Matt says, and Andrew’s eyes slide open. He shoots Matt a warning glance, and Matt chuckles. 

“Too early. Go downstairs or go back to sleep,” he says, trying again. Matt has the overwhelming urge to press kisses to every inch of his face. 

Neil sits up, pulling his hand away and carefully getting out of bed. He grabs a new set of clothes, disappearing from the bedroom and coming back in running gear. Matt makes grabby hands at him, whining. 

Neil walks over, muttering a soft yes or no before pressing a chaste kiss to Matt’s lips. 

“I’m going, so you’re on your own,” Neil says, grabbing his tennis shoes. Matt groans, turning to look at Andrew. 

“‘M heading downstairs, see you soon?” he asks Andrew who grunts noncommittally. Matt chuckles before following Neil downstairs. 

They move quietly, Matt walking Neil to the door and kissing his cheek before he goes. He then makes his way back to the living room, laying down beside Nicky and staring up at the ceiling. 

About an hour later, he hears the girls in the kitchen. He stands up, wandering over to them and leaning against the counter. 

“Hey, Matt,” Allison says while Renee makes a pot of coffee. Matt smiles at her, humming when Dan comes over and snakes an arm around his waist. 

“Hey, babe. Sleep well?” she asks, smirking up at him. His cheeks heat up, and he nudges her.

“Yeah, it was fine,” he says, peppering her cheeks with kisses. A few minutes later, they all have a cup of coffee. Matt sips his, wondering idly how Andrew and Neil take their coffee. 

The early morning passes, and eventually, everyone is up and moving around the small house. At lunchtime, Matt drives the girls back to Palmetto.

As soon as they’re back, Matt collapses onto his bed and sleeps for a few more hours, waking up to a knock on his door. He groans, stumbling to the door and blinking in surprise when he sees Andrew and Neil on the other side. 

“Hi,” Matt says, rubbing both of his eyes. 

“You alone?” Andrew asks, and Matt nods, stepping aside and gesturing them in. He leaves them on the couch, going to brush his teeth before dropping down next to Andrew. He just watches them, not saying anything for a while. 

“Andrew, can I kiss you?” he asks, and Andrew thinks for a moment before leaning in and kissing him. 

It’s a quick kiss, and when he pulls away, he stares at Matt seriously. 

“You’re an idiot,” he says simply, “I don’t give a fuck who knows what. They’re nosy and obnoxious, but I do not care.”

Matt ducks his head, avoiding eye contact, “We just only hang out when everyone’s gone.”

“Nicky,” Andrew counters, and Matt thinks back on all of the times Nicky has gotten back from class to find the three of them on the couch, playing games or watching movies. He can’t argue with that. 

“I guess,” he says, not wanting to admit his feelings. 

“Do you want everyone to know?” Neil asks, and Matt stares at his hands for a moment. 

How does he feel about everyone knowing? Nicky doesn’t really care although he might make a lot of jokes. Kevin will probably give him a lecture about his career. Renee won’t care. Dan knows. Allison and Aaron will probably freak out. 

Their responses don’t give him pause. He doesn’t actually care about that, but he knows that everything would change. He doesn’t think he’s quite ready for that. 

“No.” he wrings his hands together, “but not because I’m embarrassed or anything. It-”

“You don’t have to explain. Yes and No are complete sentences,” Andrew says, and Matt huffs, rolling his eyes. 

“I  _ know _ . But I just want us to be on the same page. It’s not because I care about what they think. I just don’t know if I’m ready for everything to change,” he explains, and Neil leans over to squeeze Matt’s hand. 

“We’ll follow your lead,” he says, and Matt nods. 

“Thank you,” he says, and Andrew nods once, pulling his phone out and checking the time before glancing up at Matt. 

“When is Aaron getting back?” he asks, and Matt’s cheeks immediately heat up. He pulls out his phone and sends him a text. They’re good about respecting each other’s time with significant others. 

“Not within the next hour,” he says, dropping his phone to the floor and Andrew lets out a little huff. 

“Yes or No, Matt?” Andrew asks, and Matt grins, agreeing enthusiastically and melting into Andrew as soon as the younger man pulls him in for a kiss. Andrew kisses harshly, teeth and tongue and Matt could get lost in the feeling. 

When Andrew pulls away and turns to Neil, Matt smiles, leaning on the back of the couch and watching Andrew systematically pull Neil apart with his mouth. Matt wants to trace Andrew’s spine. 

“Andrew?” he says, inching closer. Andrew looks at Matt over his shoulder expectantly, “where can I touch you? And kiss you?” he asks, and Andrew thinks for a second. 

“You can’t touch me from behind,” he says slowly, standing up and gesturing for Neil to move to the middle of the couch, sitting on Neil’s other side so that he can see both men, “Shoulders up.”

Matt moves to kiss at Andrew’s neck, leaning over Neil. Andrew shivers, and Matt smiles against his skin. 

“Thought Neil had the neck fetish,” he says, and Andrew elbows him in the ribs. Neil laughs, pulling Andrew down for a kiss. Matt moves with them, still pressing open-mouthed kisses to Andrew’s skin. 

They sit like that for a few moments, both leaning over Neil who is kissing Andrew desperately, pressing his hips up into the empty air above him. Andrew pulls back, thumb tracing over Neil’s scars with a featherlight touch. 

“What do you want, Neil,” Andrew asks, and Matt hums at the gravely quality his voice now has. He’s getting better at reading Andrew, and he pays close attention to all of his tells. He presses a chaste kiss to the juncture of his neck and shoulder, nudging at the warm skin. 

“You,” he breathes out, and both Matt and Andrew roll their eyes. Matt moves to kiss Neil’s jaw once, looking over at Andrew who is staring at Neil with single-minded determination, his pupils barely rimmed with hazel. 

“How?” Andrew prompts, tugging at Neil’s hair. Neil moans lewdly at the motion, letting his head fall back and baring his neck. Matt takes advantage of that, dipping down and sucking at Neil’s neck. 

“I don’t care. Hands? Mouth? Just need you,” he rambles, whining when Andrew squeezes his hard cock over his shorts. Neil nods, one of his hands clutching at Matt. 

“Can I?” Matt asks, and Neil whines, bucking his hips again. 

Matt reaches down tracing his thumb along the waistband of Neil’s shorts for a few seconds before pushing his hand inside. Neil sucks in a sharp breath when Matt touches him, curling his hand around the base of Neil’s dick. 

“Can I get your shorts out of the way?” Matt asks, and Neil nods, lifting his hips and letting Andrew pull his shorts and boxers down. Matt has only seen Neil like this once before when Andrew sucked him off. He smiles at Neil warmly, pressing a kiss to his lips. 

He and Neil stare at each other, taking in the moment until Matt feels Andrew’s hand, grabbing his own and pulling it away from Neil. He turns his attention to the blonde who unceremoniously licks his hand from wrist to fingertips, making direct eye contact. Matt’s breath hitches, and he moves his hand back to Neil’s cock, stroking him slowly. 

“That shouldn’t have been as hot as it was,” he says, and Andrew huffs. 

“Why not?” he counters, and Matt pauses his movement for a second, thinking too hard about that. Andrew’s right, of course. There’s no reason for Matt to overthink the things that he enjoys. Andrew, for all of his anxiety in these situations, is a giver. He carefully catalogs what they like and commits to it. He has never questioned the things that Matt has liked, has never made him feel embarrassed. 

He speeds his hand up, swiping his thumb over the head every few strokes, and he turns his attention to Neil whose breath hitches. He pulls Andrew close, smashing his face into the crook of Andrew’s neck. 

“Matt. Drew. Matt, feels good. ‘S good” he says, whispering his name into Andrew’s skin, and Matt is struck. He shifts closer, leaning in to press a kiss to Neil’s cheek while he makes Neil feel good. After a minute, Neil squirms, bucking his hips to meet Matt’s hand. 

“Matty,” he breathes out, coming with a whine, his hips stuttering, making a mess of Matt’s hand. Neil lets go of Andrew, leaning into the back of the couch and bringing Matt’s hand to his mouth, licking his own release from Matt’s fingers and palm before pressing a kiss to his hand and then another to his wrist and then pulling him in for a languid kiss. 

When they separate, Matt pushes Neil’s hair from his forehead where the sweat made it stick. Matt is in awe of the redhead. He could dedicate years to taking Neil apart and still find new things to worship. 

“Thank you,” Neil breathes, and Matt flushes, ducking his head. 

“Anytime, baby,” he says, and Neil preens at the name, his eyes wide. Matt presses a chaste kiss to his lips before turning to look at Andrew. 

As soon as they’ve made eye contact, Andrew grabs him by the collar, pulling him in for a heated kiss, pressing his tongue into Matt’s mouth immediately. One of Matt’s hands moves to Andrew’s hair, curling into the soft strands at the back of his neck. 

“What do you want?” He asks Matt, echoing his question to Neil. Matt could fall apart and be sewn back together by the attention. 

“You,” he says, and Neil snorts, “whatever you’ll give me.”

Andrew stands, taking two steps and straddling Matt easily, pulling him back in for a kiss. He fits on Matt’s lap so perfectly that Matt wants to keep him there forever. Matt moans into the kiss, his grip on Andrew’s hair tightening. 

When Andrew grinds down, Matt gasps, pulling away from the kiss and pressing their foreheads together. 

“Andrew,” he begs, staring with hooded eyes. Andrew does it again, pressing more of his weight into Matt who ruts up against him, “You trying to make me cum in my pants like a teenager?” 

It’s a joke, but Andrew seems to ponder before grinding down again, more pointedly this time, “could you?” 

“Could I?” he parrots, blinking once, his left hand moving to trace Andrew’s jawline with his thumb. 

“Could you get off like this?” he asks, keeping still in Matt’s lap. Matt blushes, glancing between Neil and Andrew. He reminds himself that he doesn’t need to be embarrassed. 

“Yeah,” he says, his voice breathless, “yeah, Andrew. I could.”

“Yes or no, Matt?” he asks, and Matt nods, his chest heaving at the thought of Andrew pressing him into the couch, taking what he wanted, making him feel good. 

“Yes,” he whispers, and then Andrew is moving, rutting against him. The friction is sweet, hot, and should feel juvenile. Instead, he feels stripped bare, completely clothed in his living room. He feels seen and held together by the cant of Andrew’s hips against his own. He moans, his left hand falling to Andrew’s shoulder, fisting at his t-shirt. 

“Andrew, fuck,” he breathes out, staring up at him with lidded eyes. He doesn’t want to look away, afraid of breaking the moment. Andrew grinds harder, his cheeks and the tip of his ears flushing a warm pink. He looks gorgeous, “So good.”

He knows that Andrew likes verbal feedback as much as he teases them about it. He knows that Andrew appreciates the noises, the dialogue. It’s a reminder that they want this, a reminder that everything he’s doing is okay. So Matt stops thinking, letting his mouth run as he pushes his hips up into Andrew’s. 

“You’re so good, Andrew. Feels so good,” he praises, and Andrew’s hips move faster. His hands both move to Matt’s upper arms, fingers pressing into his muscles hard enough to leave crescent-shaped indentations from his nails. He shifts, changing the angle, and sucks in a sharp breath. 

Matt moans loudly, feeling their cocks against each other, “Andrew, there.  _ Shit _ , yes. Yes,” he says, quieting when Andrew smashes their lips together. They’re barely even kissing, just pressed together, sharing air. 

The steady drag of Andrew against him is almost too much. It’s intimate in a way that Matt isn’t used to being with Andrew. And then he’s undone, his head falling back while he moans Andrew’s name. He trembles from the weight of it, sharp and heady and beautiful. 

When Andrew slows, Matt shakes his head, looking at him. 

“It’s okay,” he says, voice soft, “wanna make you feel good, sweetheart. I’ve got you,” he whispers, leaning in to kiss at Andrew’s neck, smiling when Andrew grinds into him again, chasing his own release. 

Matt whispers encouragement against him, nipping at the sweat-slicked skin of his neck. When Andrew’s movements become less coordinated, Matt moves to look at him, smiling. 

“That’s it, sweetheart. Let go for us,” he says, and Andrew stills for a millisecond before he shudders, the smallest noise escaping his lips, and Matt rubs circles on his shoulders while Andrew pants, chest heaving above him. 

Matt is grinning, he reaches up to push Andrew’s hair off his forehead, and Andrew closes his eyes, trying to regain control of his breathing. 

He looks wrecked, his normally pale skin flushed and shiny from sweat. His hair is a mess, and Matt could hold him there forever. After another minute, Andrew grimaces. 

“Gross,” he says, and Matt laughs, shrugging. 

“You’re the one who decided on dry humping,” he reminds, “Yes or no?” he asks then, waiting for Andrew to nod before he presses a reverent kiss to Andrew’s cheek, “C’mon, you can get cleaned up, and I’ll get you something to change into.”

Andrew stands, dipping down to press a slow, deep kiss to Neil’s lips. Neil was just sitting there in the middle of the couch leisurely, watching them interact with each other.

“Why did you call me that?” Andrew asks while they walk, and Matt stills for a second, turning to look at him. 

“What, sweetheart?” he asks, “Was that not okay?” 

“I hate it,” Andrew says it the same way that he tells Neil he hates him, and Matt smiles, cradling Andrew’s cheek. 

“Sorry, Sweets. Can’t help it. You just taste so good,” he teases, and Andrew’s lips twitch as he shoves Matt in the direction of the bedroom. 

He comes back a minute later with a pair of briefs and shorts that will probably fall too long on the shorter man. He also has a sweatshirt, but Andrew doesn’t take that, closing himself away in the bathroom. Matt goes to grab a new pair of sweats and underwear for himself before going back to the living room, trying to ignore the uncomfortable feeling of his cum drying in his underwear. 

He offers Neil the sweatshirt. He grins up at Matt, pulling it on and looking down at the too-long sleeves. They cover his hands, and Matt swoons, pressing a firm kiss to the top of Neil’s head.

When Andrew gets back out, Matt jogs to change, turning on the shower and rinsing himself off quickly before getting re-dressed. When he gets back out, Andrew and Neil are pressed close together, speaking in hushed tones. He stands there, watching them speak with a fond expression. 

“Staring,” Andrew says, sending him a glance, “We have at least 20 minutes until Aaron gets back,” he adds, and Matt comes around to sit beside him. He can’t wipe the smile off of his face. 

“Game?” he offers, getting up to fetch controllers after Andrew nods once. When he settles back into his place, Andrew leans into him. 

Matt never wants the day to end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? Your comments make me happier than anything else.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So remember when I said this was going to b 15 chapters? So it got out of hand again, and will definitely be longer... like maybe 20-25 chapters?? I hope that's okay.

Beating the Bearcats is painfully satisfying. They were ruthless, and it took everything out of the foxes to manage a win. 

After filing off the court, Matt pulls Dan in for a hug, praising her for her hard work throughout. Dan pulls him down for a kiss, grinning proudly. They did it. They have a chance to defend their title in the spring. 

The whole team is buzzing with uncontrolled energy. 

“Good work out there, but we have a lot of work to do if we want to win the championships again. There’s a target on our backs, and if any of you start slacking-”

“What, you’ll sign us up for a marathon?” Nicky asks, and Wymack glares at him. 

“You smell disgusting. See you Monday morning,” he says. Nothing is out of the ordinary until he turns to Neil with an apprehensive set to his shoulders, “I’m sending you out there with Dan since you’re co-captain. For once in your miserable life, can you not cause any trouble?” 

“Probably not,” Andrew intones before Neil can say something. Neil rolls his eyes, Grabbing Dan’s hand and tugging her towards the reporters. 

“This should be interesting,” Matt murmurs under his breath. He’s louder than he means to be, and Andrew looks up at him briefly before turning to watch the car wreck happen. 

Neil hadn’t been on press duty all season. Wymack usually sends Kevin or Allison or Matt or Nicky out beside Dan. Neil causes too many problems. 

Reporters are vicious things, vultures circling for their next dead thing to feast upon. But Neil Josten is more than used to it. He stares down the sportscaster with a glint in his eyes, and Matt’s holding his breath. 

It starts off fine like it always does. And then she makes a comment about the defensive line’s poor playing and Neil’s body language shifts. 

He’s a livewire, a bullet in a loaded gun, the blade of a newly sharpened knife. Matt watches, rapt. Neil leans forward an inch, and his profile is devastating. He’s sneering, his eyes alight. Matt can’t look away. 

“Shut the fuck up,” he says, and Dan turns to him, muttering something under her breath, but it doesn’t deter the striker, “Our defensive line is strong. Andrew is the best goalkeeper in NCAA exy, Matt could rival any striker except Kevin, Nicky and Aaron are solid, Renee is fucking  _ impressive _ , Allison has a better arm than anyone I know. The freshman have a lot of work to do, but this time last year, our whole roster was a disaster, and we  _ won _ . You all thought that the Palmetto State Foxes were a sight when we were fractured, but you haven’t seen anything. We’re going to defend our title, and I can’t wait for our defensive line to  _ destroy _ every single team that stands in our way,” Neil rants, and Matt takes a second to look over to Andrew. 

If Matt hadn’t spent the last ten weeks getting to know Andrew and his mannerisms, he would have assumed that Andrew was annoyed. But Matt takes in the way that Andrew’s eyes are slightly narrowed, the way he clenches and unclenches his jaw, the way his irises have become nothing more than a rim around his pupils. He loves it. Matt wants to laugh. 

“It is kind of hot,” Matt whispers so lowly that no one else would be able to hear. Andrew blinks once, turning his steely gaze on Matt. 

“Better go save your girlfriend,” he intones, and Matt sends him a challenging smile. 

“Dan doesn’t need to be saved. She can handle herself. I will, however, drag Neil out of there before he gets himself into more trouble.”

“Neil doesn’t need to be saved either,” Andrew says, and Matt scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“I never said that he did,” he points out before strolling over to where Neil is still trying to tear the poor girl to shreds, “Aw, thanks for that. You’re my hero,” he says, putting on an easy grin and draping his arm over Neil’s shoulders. 

“Matt-”

“Coach needs you to chorale everyone for our after-game meeting. Dan and I will be right there,” he lies cooly, and Neil’s eyes narrow. He nods once, not even sparing the reporter a second glance as he stalks over to Andrew. 

“Matt, as I was saying, do  _ you  _ have anything to say about the defensive line’s performance tonight on the court?” she asks, and Matt’s eyes shift over to where Andrew and Neil are watching him. 

“Hm, well, I think Neil pretty much covered everything. It wasn’t our best game, but I  _ do  _ look forward to destroying anyone who stands between us and the title. Now, if you’ll excuse us, we have a meeting to get to. Have a nice rest of your night.” 

Matt grabs Dan’s hand, lacing their fingers together. He’s staring at the reporter with a saccharine smile, but there’s a defiant glint in his eyes. Dan thanks her graciously before leading Matt away. 

She pulls him to a stop next to Neil and Andrew just inside the hallway where the reporters can’t see or hear them. 

“Jesus Christ, you two,” she starts, turning her attention to Neil, “We talked about this. Next year, you’re going to be captain, and you can’t just say shit like that. We need to get you a publicist or something, holy shit,” she chastises. She takes a gulp of air before turning to Matt. 

“And  _ you _ . What was that? That isn’t funny- Matt stop laughing- I’m going to kill you. I’m going to kill both of you. I’m telling coach to bench you both next game!”

“He won’t,” Matt points out, and Dan scrunches up her nose the way that she always does when she’s annoyed. She turns back to Neil and her annoyance fades to just a simmer as she sighs dramatically. 

“You did good out there tonight,” she tells Neil earnestly, “all three of you did. Andrew and Matt… you two are going to be unstoppable by championships if you keep going like this. But stop encouraging him to be dumb,” she points at Matt. 

“I didn’t encourage him to do anything,” Andrew says feigning boredom, but Matt can see the lively expression hiding behind his words. 

“You three are the worst. C’mon, let’s go get yelled at,” she says, squeezing Matt’s hand and tugging him in the direction of the rest of their team. 

The following Tuesday is more domestic than normal. Neil is having an off day, so Andrew and Matt trade a few lazy kisses before they all settle on the couch and put on some random comedy. Andrew is reading a book and Neil is scowling at the wall while Matt sits against the arm of the couch, trying to give everyone some space. 

Matt is barely paying attention to the TV, silently trying to pay attention to Andrew and Neil and any change in their respective body language. 

When Nicky comes in the door, Matt turns to greet him. 

“Hey, Nicky- oh my god, are you okay?” he asks, his shoulders tensing minutely as he takes in his friend. Nicky’s eyes are bloodshot and puffy. He had obviously been crying. Nicky takes in a shaky breath. 

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. It’s all good,” he says, but his voice wavers on the last word. Matt is standing immediately, walking over to him. 

“Can I hug you?” Matt asks, and Nicky nods. Matt pulls him in tightly, rubbing circles into his back. He can feel Nicky’s shuddering breaths, and he murmurs soothing words, “Andrew, Neil. Can you give us a minute?” Matt asks, keeping his voice level and calm. 

Andrew stares at Matt for a minute before standing up, gesturing for Neil to follow him. He saunters over to his desk, grabbing a jacket and a lighter before he and Neil leave. Matt knows they’re going up to the roof, and he feels a small pang in his chest. He wants to be with them. 

Instead, he leads Nicky to the couch, turns down the volume of the TV, drapes a blanket across hi,m and Nicky and turns to him. 

“What’s wrong?” he asks, and Nicky is sobbing then, burying his face in his hands. Matt reaches over to rub his back again, letting him take his time. 

“I’m so stupid,” he forces out, and Matt frowns. 

“No, you aren’t Nicky.”

“I  _ am _ . I failed my test, and I took it out on Erik. And what if he hates me now? What if he doesn’t want me to go back to Germany? And I keep fucking up during games, and Wymack might bench me until I figure my shit out. And I have to practically ace my final now or I’m going to lose my scholarship. And I can’t lose my scholarship because I need to be here for Aaron and Andrew. And I-”

“Wow, Nicky, slow down,” Matt says, shaking his head, “That’s a lot of negative self talk. Let’s work through that,” he offers, “so you failed your test?” he starts, and Nicky nods, pulling the bubble sheet out of his backpack and thrusting it in Matt’s lap. Matt glances at the score before setting it aside, “And you took it out on Erik?” 

“I called him, and it woke him up. And then we were arguing, and I don’t even know why. It was so stupid. And I hung up on him, and he’s-”

“Nicky, slow down. Take a deep breath,” he reminds him calmly. While Nicky is focusing on his breathing, Matt just waits, smiling over at him, “Okay, you haven’t been fucking up during games, you’re just anxious,” he says, and Nicky frowns, “And you aren’t going to lose your scholarship because of one test score. What are you the most upset about?” he asks. 

He thinks back to when he was a freshman, and Dan would sit him down and make him talk through whatever was making him angry. 

“I’m letting everyone down,” he whispers, and Matt frowns. 

“Oh, Nicky,” he says, pulling Nicky into his lap and hugging him close, “You aren’t letting me down. I’d be willing to bet that you aren’t letting anyone down, but I know for certain that you haven’t let me down.”

Nicky smashes his face into Matt’s chest, choking back a sob. 

“I haven’t felt this shitty since right after I took the twins in,” he admits, shaking his head, “God, I was so terrified the entire time. I was so scared that I was going to be just as bad as everyone who had ever looked after them. I don’t want to let them down.”

Matt hums, nodding, “do you think we should set up an appointment with Bee? She’ll be able to help more than I can,” Matt offers, and Nicky nods. 

“Yeah, that’d probably be good,” he says. Matt wipes some of Nicky’s tears away. 

“You know, I think you did a fantastic job. They’re a little rough around the edges, but you love them more than anyone else in the world. And even if they’re both shitty at feelings, I think they know that,” he says, and Nicky laughs, shaking his head. 

“I didn’t know how to be a guardian, but I couldn’t let my parents get their hands on them. They deserved better,” Nicky explains, and Matt’s heart breaks just thinking about 19 year old Nicky taking in his cousins because he knew he needed to protect them. 

“What was he like?” Matt asks, and Nicky stills, wiping his cheeks and staring pointedly up at him. 

“Andrew? Probably about how you expect. He was a menace. He had some outbursts, but not as many as Aaron. Aaron was angry, and Andrew was mostly the same as he is now, just a little more volatile. He threatened me a lot more than he does now. But he also let me make him cookies and teach him german. Sometimes, we would take the screen out of his bedroom window and lay on the part of the roof that’s underneath. And he’d point out constellations,” Nicky says, smiling to himself at the memory. 

Matt thinks that Andrew did that because he knew how scared Nicky was. In his own, weird way, Andrew didn’t want Nicky to feel alone. 

“I always wanted an older brother,” Matt says casually, and Nicky’s expression softened. 

“I mean, I’m not really their brother,” he points out. 

“No, you’re better,” Matt says, ruffling Nicky’s hair. 

“Speaking of which-”

“Nicky,” Matt warns. 

“You don’t even know what I was going to say!”

“I have a guess,” Matt argues, and Nicky rolls his eyes. 

“I was just going to thank you. And also tell you that I better be the best man-”

“Nicky!”

“Do I really have to keep pretending I don’t know!? Even when it’s just us? No one else is here, Matthew. So you’re sleeping with-”

“Nicky!” Matt is exasperated, and his cheeks are bright red. 

“But he let you stay with them when we were in Columbia, so you obviously l-”

“I’m going,” Matt says, standing up and shoving Nicky off of his lap and onto the couch, “I told you not to bring it up, and you did. We aren’t talking about it. Not now,” Matt says, turning and walking towards the door, “Call Erik when he’s awake and apologize.”

“Okay, thanks, Matt. And thanks for getting Andrew to lighten-”

Matt leaves, slamming the door behind him for emphasis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys like this chapter? I know it's a little different. Let me know what you thought!


	12. Chapter 12

The days leading up to Thanksgiving break are uncharacteristically quiet. Andrew has been more on edge, and as much as Matt wants to help, he knows that bringing it up would probably make everything worse. 

Matt is taking Dan up to New York for the week, and Andrew’s lot are spending their time with Abby and Wymack. Matt grimaces every time he thinks about why. 

Matt and Dan fly out Saturday evening, and he wants to take a moment to see Andrew and Neil before they go. He makes his way to their dorm, smiling at Nicky when he opens the door. 

“Hey,” he says, pulling Nicky in for a brief hug before leaning against the doorframe, “When are you guys heading to Abby’s?” he had already asked Aaron that morning, but he felt weird not making conversation. 

“Not until around dinner time, we have a lot of hours. They aren’t here right now,” Nicky says, a knowing smile on his face. Matt rolls his eyes. 

“Can’t a guy visit his favorite 23 year old on the day he leaves for a week. Maybe I just wanted to remind you that I love you, man,” Matt says, his cheeks warm. Nicky rolls his eyes dramatically. 

“Well of course you can always visit me, Matt. But I’m pretty damn sure you’d rather be kiss-”

“Nicky,” Matt warns, but he’s grinning. Nicky has been really good at keeping quiet about his growing thing with Andrew and Neil. He only ever makes comments when it’s the two of them, and it’s always good-natured. 

“Fine, fine. But hey, if you ever feel like kissing someone who is not any of the three people you are currently kissing, I have been told that I am an  _ excellent  _ kisser. I could sweep you off your feet, Matthew,” he says with a dramatic flourish. 

“I’ll keep that in mind, Nicky. But I’d rather not get my heart broken. I’d hate to have to object at yours and Erik’s wedding,” he counters, and Nicky gasps. 

“You wouldn’t!”

“I might if you swept me off my feet,” he says with a wink, pulling Nicky in for another hug and pressing a friendly kiss to his cheek, “happy thanksgiving, Nicky. I’m grateful you’re in my life.”

Nicky looks up at Matt with wide eyes, and he looks so young. 

“Oh… thanks, Matt. I’m thankful for you too. I mean that. You’ve always been so nice to me even when I didn’t deserve it.”

“You always deserved it, Nicky. I’ll see you next week,” Matt says fondly. 

“Bye Matt, text me when you land?” he asks, and Matt nods, turning and making his way up to the roof. 

He isn’t surprised to find them both sitting there, but it is interesting that they’re up here during the day. He walks over, sitting down next to Neil. His heartbeat is quick in his chest, but he calms when Neil smiles up at him. 

“Hey you,” Matt says quietly, taking Neil’s hand when he offers it. He can’t believe how lucky he is.

“Hey, Matt. You heading out soon?” 

Matt’s chest feels a little tight, and he nods, “Yeah, we’ll leave in an hour or so.”

Andrew is chain smoking, refusing to look over at them, Matt tries to pay him no mind. He sits there in comfortable silence, feeling the now familiar weight of Neil’s hand in his own. He doesn’t know what he wants to say. 

“I’ll text you when I get home,” he says, more to Andrew than Neil, knowing that Neil won’t check his damn phone. 

“I’m not your keeper,” Andrew murmurs, starting a new cigarette. 

“Didn’t say you were,” he counters, squeezing Neil’s hand. Neil leans his head on Matt’s shoulder, swinging his feet. 

Matt still hasn’t gotten used to this feeling, the uncertainty of dangling at a fatal height. It makes him feel heavy and weightless at once. 

“I just wanted to see you before I left,” he says it so quietly that he’s afraid it gets lost in the breeze. But Neil looks up at him with those beautiful blue eyes. 

“When do you get back?” Neil asks. 

“Next Sunday,” he says simply, and Neil nods. 

They settle back into silence, and Matt knows that he should go and find Dan, make sure that they both have everything they need. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asks Neil, and then Neil leans in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. He pulls his hand free and traces one of Matt’s cheekbones. 

“See you next week?”

“Yeah, baby. See you soon,” he says, enjoying the way that the pet name softens Neil’s sharp gaze. 

“Andrew?” Matt says, looking over at him, “Can I kiss you?” 

“No,” Andrew says, and Matt nods, moving to stand up. 

“Okay, I’ll text you when I get home, and I’ll see you in a week. Eat an extra slice of pie for me, okay?” he says, and Andrew makes a noncommittal noise. Matt waves at Neil before turning and making his way back inside. 

New York is cold. As soon as they step off the plane, Matt is hit with memories of bitter winters and parties with his dad. He squeezes his eyes shut for a second before pushing forward. He moves to the side of the terminal, leaning against the wall and trying to regain control of his thoughts. 

“Matt?” Dan asks softly, standing right beside him. Her voice is dripping with concern, and he shakes his head. 

“I’m fine. I just need a minute,” he promises, counting his breaths and forcing himself to think about Palmetto, his friends, exy, and all of the other things that are important to him now. A couple of minutes later, he nods, pulling Dan to his chest and hugging her tight. 

“I’ve got you,” she promises, muttering reassuring words to him. He sends a text to Nicky and another to Andrew, letting them know that they survived the trip. And then Dan and Matt take a taxi to his mom’s house.

The week passes slowly. Matt feels like stretched taffy, and he can’t sleep. 

On Saturday, he’s antsy, agitated, unable to focus his thoughts. The week had been harder than normal, and Randy watched him cautiously the entire time. 

On Saturday night, Dan and Matt lay in bed, their legs tangled under the sheets. Matt keeps glancing at his phone, and Dan sighs. 

“You could just text them,” she points out. Matt stills, blinking once and looking over at her. 

“No, I’m just worried about Andrew. This week has to be hard for him.  _ Last  _ week was hard for him, and your body doesn’t forget trauma. And-”

“Matt, you don’t have to explain it to me. I get it,” she says, smiling at him warmly. She grabs his hand, pulling it up and pressing a kiss to his knuckles, “But you could call him. I think he would pick up.”

“He would,” Matt says, “but I can’t coddle him. He doesn’t like that.”

“You’ve been stressed all week, I think it’s safe to say that it would be for your benefit and not his,” she argues, and he shakes his head again. 

“Neil and Nicky are there, and they would let me know if something was wrong. He’s fine. I’m just…” Matt can’t explain it. 

“Whipped?” Dan offers, and Matt glares at her. 

“Fuck off.”

“I mean… you  _ are _ . If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you like them more than you like me, but I’m not one of those people,” she says, and Matt stills. 

“I don’t,” he says, “like them more than you. I don’t. It isn’t… it’s just different,” he tries to explain himself, and Dan laughs. 

“I know. And if it bothered me, I would tell you. We’ve always been open to this, and I see how happy they make you.”

“I’m sorry,” he says, and Dan frowns, turning to face him straight on. 

“Why are you apologizing? You haven’t done anything wrong,” she says, leaning in to press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

“I love you so much. And I don’t want you to think that I don’t or that I love you any less now than I did before. Dan-”

“Okay, seriously? I know that. I just told you that I love how happy they make you. Why are you so anxious?” she asks, and Matt squeezes his eyes closed. It’s not an easy question for him to answer. It never has been. 

“They love each other so much,” he says, trying to piece together all of his feelings, “they know each other so well, and I just… feel like there’s no reason for me to be there sometimes?” 

“They want you there? They care about you; is that not enough reason?” she asks, and Matt groans, covering his face with his free hand.

“I don’t know. What if they don’t care about me? What if we’re just messing around, and at the end of the day, they just want each other. What if they don’t want me?” he asks, and Dan shifts closer. 

“Oh. I get it now. That makes so much sense,” she says, more to herself than to Matt. He uncovers his eyes, looking over at her expectantly, “I should have known that you three idiots wouldn’t have  _ talked  _ about it. So, what, you’ve just been sucking each other’s dicks?”

Matt groans, covering his eyes again, “We  _ talk _ . We just haven’t talked about  _ us  _ like that.”

“Okay, so you’re anxious and fidgety because you don’t know where you stand. I’m not trying to be an ass, but why don’t you just ask?” she says, and he can tell that she’s smiling at him. 

“Too embarrassing. Too needy,” he argues, and Dan laughs, nudging him. 

“You care about them, right?”

“Obviously, Dan,” Matt says, uncovering his eyes to glare at her. 

“So when we get home, tell them. Sit down with them, and tell them that they’re important to you. And maybe tell them that it’s been driving you insane not knowing if they’re serious like you are,” she says it like it’s the easiest thing in the world. 

“What if they’re not?” he whispers, and Dan shrugs, kissing his shoulder. 

“Then I’ll rough ‘em up,” she jokes, and Matt chuckles, shaking his head. 

“I love you,” Matt says again, and Dan laughs, pressing against his side. 

“I love you too, babe.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, Matt really is the king of overthinking. 
> 
> Let me know what you think?


	13. Chapter 13

Matt finds Neil studying at his desk that Sunday night, his face buried in notebook paper while he works through an equation. Andrew is laying on the couch opposite Nicky who also has a textbook open. He just wants to say hello to everyone, but Kevin hears Nicky say his name when he opens the door, and he’s pulling him to the bedroom, shutting the door and turning to Matt curiously. 

“You want to play professionally, correct?” he asks, and Matt sighs already emotionally exhausted from the impending conversation. 

“Yeah, Kev. That’s the goal,” he says, and he notices Kevin’s laptop which is playing highlights from last week’s pro games. 

“You need to improve your accuracy, practice your long throws,” he says simply, “how was your week?” 

Matt is surprised, and he shakes his head before finding words, “It was good. Dan and I had fun,” he says, and Kevin nods. 

“Have you looked into any teams?” he asks, and Matt sighs. 

“I still have a year and a half, Kev. Not all of us have had contracts lined up since we were born,” he reminds, and Kevin rolls his eyes. 

“Start thinking about it. Are you here for Nicky? He’s studying; so is Neil.” he sounds annoyed about it, and Matt wonders if they’ve blown him off for night practice. 

“How was your thanksgiving? You stayed with coach, right?” Matt asks, ignoring Kevin’s question pointedly. 

“It was good; his coach is uncomfortable though. My neck hurts,” it looks like it almost pains him to admit it. Matt smiles.

“Well, I’m glad you had a good time. I hope you spent some time not thinking about Exy. It won’t kill you to have fun sometimes,” Matt says, reaching out to ruffle Kevin’s hair. He rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath while he fixes his hair, “what was that?”

“Nothing, Matt. If you stay, you have to watch-”

“See you at practice, Kevin,” Matt says, beaming at the striker. Kevin looks like he’s about to argue when Matt turns around, “if you get bored of reruns, you can come and hang out!”

He leaves as quickly as he came, waving at Nicky when he looks up from his textbook. 

He doesn’t really speak to Neil or Andrew until Tuesday. Practice had been awful that afternoon, and he was ready to pummel Sheena if she so much as  _ looked _ at him the wrong way. Nicky had to distract him more than once.

When Neil opens the door at 6:10, Matt grins, asking for permission before pulling Neil in for a tight hug. Neil laughs, hugging him back before pulling him toward the couch where Andrew is squished into the corner. 

He looks skittish like any wrong move might send him darting away, so Matt settles against the other side of the couch, leaving Neil to sit in between them. They sit quietly, and Matt can imagine the phantom tic of a clock. He tries to gather his thoughts.

“How was your break?” Matt asks, and his eyes flit to Andrew who still hasn’t acknowledged Matt’s presence. 

“Hm? It was fine. Kevin was annoying, Nicky kept wanting hugs, Aaron’s an asshole, Drew ate an entire pumpkin pie by himself with a spoon,” Neil says, and Matt laughs, letting his eyes settle on Andrew who is now watching him apprehensively. 

“Extra whipped cream?” he asks, and Andrew nods once. Matt loves the image of Andrew sitting at the corner of the table, demolishing a pumpkin pie while everyone else eats a piece of their own dessert (Neil and Kevin both have a bowl of fruit). 

Matt nods back to Andrew, still smiling. He knows that he needs to talk to them. Dan had lectured him about the importance of communication in a relationship, but he still doesn’t know how to bring it up. 

“How was New York?” Neil asks, and Matt jumps, having been lost in his thoughts. 

“Oh, it was good. Quiet. It was just me and Dan and my mom. Dad was gone for something,” he says, waving it off, “New York is fucking cold. I’m spoiled now because I’m used to the weather here. If I end up back east, I’m going to be miserable in the cold,” he rambles, chuckling. 

“Does Dan like New York?” Neil asks, and he tilts his head just a fraction. Matt’s chest warms. 

“Um, not really. She thinks New Yorkers are rude which isn’t true, we just don’t have the energy to expend on every passing stranger,” he argues, and Neil smiles. 

“Says you? You’re one of the friendliest people I’ve ever met,” Neil counters, “you freaked me out at first because you were so nice. I didn’t know how to deal with you.”

“That was different. You were my roommate, not a stranger,” he argues, and Neil hums like he doesn’t believe it, “I did uh… can we talk about something?” he asks, his gaze shifting between the two men. 

“Yeah,” Neil says, and Matt looks at Andrew who just stares back. 

“Andrew? Yes or No?” he tries again, and Andrew remains quiet for a moment before he gestures for Matt to go ahead. 

“I missed you. Both of you. Kind of a lot, actually. Dan was teasing me about it. And I kind of had a come to Jesus moment with myself, and I know that we haven’t actually talked about it. But now seems as good a time as any,” he begins.

“I’ve really enjoyed this for the past few months, and I’m really glad that I’ve gotten to spend time with you and get to know you better. And at this point, I can confidently say that I’m serious. About this.” His eyes are fixed past Andrew so that he doesn’t have to make eye contact. His cheeks are bright red as he speaks, and he barely gives himself a pause before continuing. 

“And it’s not that labels are particularly important to me because they’re not, but I know that I care about both of you. And I want you to be permanent fixtures in my life if you’ll have me. And before you ask, Dan is really supportive, and she said that we could all sit down together if we needed to figure anything out. I know this is new for me, and I think it’s new for all of us. But if we set ground rules and know each others’ boundaries, I think this could be amazing. So yeah.”

Neil is just staring at Matt with wide eyes. Whatever he had expected Matt to say, it was not this. Matt wrings his hands together, trying to keep himself calm while he waits for someone else to say something. 

“What are you saying, Boyd?” Andrew says, and he sounds bored. Matt doesn’t let that deter him. 

“Well, I think I said what I meant to say. I want to date you or be serious or be your boyfriend. That’s all semantics, and I’m not at all picky about what we call it. I just want this to be long-term, not just casual, not just messing around.”

“This is nothing,” Andrew counters, and Matt has to think about the mechanics of breathing. He has to command his lungs to fill and empty and repeat. Something inside of his chest shatters. 

“Oh,” he says. It’s quiet and resigned. Matt nods once, counting three breaths until he stands up stiffly, “I actually have a discussion to do. I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” he says, counting another breath before practically running to the door. 

“Matt-”

He closes the door before he can hear the end of Neil’s sentence. 

He stands there for a few seconds, staring at the wall before he goes back to his room, pacing until his head aches from thinking. He glances at the clock before pulling on a pair of sweats and a tank top, and he grabs his gym bag. 

Two hours later, he’s buried his anxiety in a punching bag, hitting until all he can think about is the way that his knuckles throb. And if he cries that night in the shower, no one else has to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry...
> 
> Let me know what you think?


	14. Chapter 14

The next week drags by, painful, sluggish, morose. Everyone has noticed how off Matt is. He’s sullen, and every time he has to talk for more than a few minutes, he’s cutting, looking for a fight. He’s been actively avoiding both Dan and Neil, and he and Andrew are at some kind of weird stalemate. They haven’t spoken to each other, and Andrew hasn’t blocked a goal. Matt would rather scrimmage on Renee’s team, but he’s too petty to ask Dan or Neil. So he plays alongside Nicky with a clenched jaw. 

It’s one week to the day when Jack calls Nicky a faggot, and Matt snaps. 

Matt moves before anyone else has processed it. He throws down his racket and shoves Jack hard enough for him to fall over. He pins him down, pulls off his helmet, and hits him with single-minded focus, his teeth bared and eyes alight. Everything else fades into the background. 

“Don’t ever fucking call him that,” he accents each word with a punch. He feels a set of hands on him and doesn’t even turn to see who before shoving them away and turning back to Jack. 

Someone grabs his wrist before he can get in another hit, and he lashes out, turning to hit whoever has him. 

“No,” Andrew says, tightening his hold on Matt. He stills aside from his heaving breath, slumping. He’s still straddling the beat-up freshman. 

And then Matt’s been hit by a freight train. He has tears in his eyes and blood rushing in his ears. Dan is yelling at him. Wymack is yelling at him. Kevin is obviously biting his tongue to keep from cutting either of them off. 

“Get the hell off my court, Boyd.” Matt stands as soon as the words are out of Wymack’s mouth. He wants to be anywhere else. 

Andrew lets go of Matt’s wrist, but Matt doesn’t spare him a second glance, storming off the court and into the locker room. He strips efficiently, changing back into his clothes without showering and driving back to the dorm. 

He narrowly maintains the little control he has until he’s locked himself in the bathroom. 

He can’t recognize the person staring back at him in the mirror. His eyes are bloodshot from lack of sleep, his knuckles are bloodied and throbbing, a bruise already ghosting its way up his hand toward his wrist. It hurts enough to be concerning, but instead of dealing with any of it, his sinks to the ground. He looks like he did when he was 17, high and angry at the world. 

He hears Aaron come home and leave again while his knees are pulled to his chest.

He doesn’t attend practice the next morning, and he skips all of his classes. They aren’t allowed to miss class without an excused absence, but Matt couldn’t care less. By the time afternoon practice is looming, he’s considered dropping out of school. 

When there’s a knock on the door, he expects Dan. Instead, Andrew is standing there, staring up at him with practiced neutrality.

Matt eyes him warily as he pushes inside silently, making his way to the fridge and opening it, peering inside. He doesn’t take anything, thinks for a moment, and then goes to the cabinet, pulling down a bag of gummy worms and ripping it open.

He pops one in his own mouth before grabbing another, ripping it in half where the colors meet before offering it to Matt. 

Matt takes both halves, chewing the red half thoughtfully and swallowing before eating the other half. Andrew just watches him, shoving another two worms into his own mouth. 

“I’m sorry I-”

“I don’t care what you do, Boyd. I’m not your keeper,” Andrew reminds him, and it takes all of Matt’s focus to not flinch. 

“Why are you here then?” Matt challenges, and Andrew’s eyebrow twitches, a microexpression that Matt has grown used to. Matt grinds his teeth. 

“You’re smart. Think about it.” Andrew reaches for Matt’s right hand, pulling it up and inspecting his injuries. Matt knows it isn’t pretty. His knuckles haven’t scabbed over yet, so they’re just open wounds in a violent shade of crimson. The bruising is dark. Andrew presses his thumb to the middle of his hand, eyebrows twitching again when Matt doesn’t conceal his wince. 

“Come on, Boyd. If I have to hear Kevin or Wilds bitch about you not showing up again, I’m stabbing Jack. Show Abby your hand,” Andrew says, dropping Matt’s hand and walking toward the front door. 

“Why Jack?” 

Andrew turns to look at him, and Matt falls quiet. 

“Neil has the Mas, so you’re driving.” Matt grabs his keys and follows Andrew out into the harsh South Carolina sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These boys...
> 
> Let me know how you're feeling, and I'm sorry this one is so short.


	15. Chapter 15

The practice is as awful as he expects it to be. Abby checks his hand, telling him he’s lucky nothing is broken and that Jack isn’t pressing charges before sending him out to the court with an ice pack taped to his hand. Wymack makes him run two miles while everyone else warms up, and Dan won’t even look at him. 

But Jack is sitting on the bench with ice pressed to his face, and Matt’s stomach turns. He doesn’t know whether he feels guilty or satisfied. Jack’s nose is broken and the bruises follow the hollow of his eye sockets and trail down his jaw. He looks like shit. Matt decides he only feels kind of bad. 

By the time he’s on the court, everyone is doing drills, and Matt goes to stand by Allison who just looks up at him with one perfect eyebrow raised. He forces a small smile at her. 

“Are you finally finished moping? What the hell is wrong with you?” she asks while they watch Sheena try to get the drill right. Matt sighs, glancing over and making eye contact with Andrew who is leaning against the plexiglass in goal. 

“It’s just been a long week,” he says, and she chuckles noncommittally before walking over to Renee and leaving Matt alone. The end of practice can’t come fast enough. 

When Matt gets home from his class the next day, Neil is sitting on his couch, flipping aimlessly through tv channels. When the door clicks closed behind Matt, Neil turns the tv off, setting the remote on the coffee table. 

“Hi…” Matt says slowly, dropping his backpack to the ground by the side of the sofa, just staring, “how did you get in?”

“Don’t ask questions you know the answer to,” Neil offers, and Matt scoffs. 

“Careful, you sound like Andrew.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

The following silence stretches out between them while they stare at each other. Matt breaks first, shrugging his shoulders and ducking his head. He hears Neil’s sigh and wants to crawl into his bed and sleep for the rest of the day. He doesn’t have anything before practice, and the sweet escape of a dreamless sleep sounds perfect. 

“Come here,” Neil says after another minute, and then Matt is sitting next to him, still avoiding eye contact, “do you want to talk about it?”

Matt taps his fingers on his thighs, trying to control the ceaseless thoughts running through his head. He shrugs. 

“I think we should talk about it. We’re worried about you,” Neil says simply, leaning back into the crook of the couch and watching Matt with those cerulean eyes. Matt wonders who Neil’s  _ we _ is. 

“I didn’t tell Dan what happened when she asked. I figured you’d tell her when you want to, but she knows that it was Andrew and me,” he starts again, and Matt lets out a chuckle, shaking his head. Of course, we is Neil and Dan. 

“Okay,” is all Matt says. 

“Will you talk to me?” Neil asks, and there’s an edge to his voice. It’s the tone he reserves for reporters and people who comment on his scars and other players when they’re pissing him off. 

“What do you want me to say, Neil? That I’m not doing well? Is that what you want? It doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure it out. Andrew doesn’t give a shit about me, Dan is the one who told me to bring it up, and you’re only here because-”

“I want you to cut the bullshit,” Neil snaps, frowning at him, “why are you being so dense? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you’re an idiot who jumps to conclusions and then avoids anyone who fucking cares. You wouldn’t even  _ look  _ at me! At Dan! God, you’re so-”

“I should have known!” Matt says, and Neil flinches. Matt sounds angry, and Neil’s eyes flit toward the door before he takes a deep breath and turns back to Matt, watching him expectantly, “I should have known that it was just me because why would you two want anything from me? I’m just for fun, right? Just a stop on the way to your destination which is together. The two of you. And I  _ am _ stupid. You’re right. Andrew is right. I’m a fucking idiot for thinking that you’d even consider… and he’s right. I’m not worth it. I’m nothing. I always have been, and you’re better off without me. All three of you deserve better than me.” 

Neil is quiet for a minute, staring at Matt like he’s grown a second head. 

“Matt… what the fuck?” he sounds resigned, “If you would have listened to any of us, you’d know how ridiculous that is. You’re avoiding us because you think…?” he reaches out, his hand open, “can I?” 

“Yes,” Matt says, and Neil takes his hand, squeezing once.

“You are worth it. You have the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever met. You give so openly, and you trust so beautifully. And you respect all three of us. You…” he shakes his head again, moving closer to Matt, “I tried to stop you when you left because it wasn’t what it sounded like. Andrew is having a really hard time right now. He’s having nightmares every night, and he needs more space than normal. But when he said that this is nothing… it wasn’t fair to you. It wasn’t fair for him to shut you down like that especially since he didn’t mean it the way you took it,” Neil offers. 

“How the fuck was I supposed to take it?”

“I’m nothing. Andrew and I are nothing. He’s said that since day one. But he’s it for me, you know? And I know that he feels the same way about me even if he can’t say it. Maybe he’ll never be able to say it, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t go to the ends of this earth for me. He would. He just can’t  _ say  _ it,” Neil explains, tracing small circles on the back of Matt’s hand with his thumb. 

“Okay, but that’s you.” 

“He wants nothing,” Neil says simply, a small smile on his face, “And I’m nothing. And you’re nothing. And the three of us are nothing. But I’m not mediating your shit. You two need to talk about it, but you need to go into that conversation understanding where he’s coming from. You need to think really hard about Andrew and all of the things you know about him and then you need to remember that you’re one of the very few people that he trusts. He chose you, and  _ you  _ walked out. So stop acting like he shot you or something. You hurt each other, and you’re both too stubborn to apologize.”

Matt’s eyes are glassy, and he looks away from Neil trying to blink away the tears. He hates crying in front of people. He hates when other people look at him and see the cracks in his carefully curated facade. 

“Come here,” Neil says, pulling Matt to his chest and rubbing his back, “we’re a mess. But that doesn’t mean we’re not worth it,” he presses a kiss to the top of Matt’s head, “what do you want for lunch? I’m ordering food, and we’re watching a movie.”

They order Thai food and watch a romcom and hold each other on the couch until a few minutes before Aaron gets back from class. 

At practice that afternoon, Matt sends a shaky smile toward Dan who just stares at him. And his chest feels tight because he knows that Neil is right. He’s fucked everything up just as much as he had thought Andrew had. 

He and Andrew still don’t talk, but Matt has thawed out. He doesn’t glare daggers at the blonde, and he tries to help him while they run new plays. Everything still feels shaky and uneven, and he has to frequently remind himself how to breathe.

And after practice, he sees Dan talking to Aaron. When Matt gets back to the dorm, Aaron is gone with his backpack and Neil is sitting on his couch again. They eat the rest of their Thai and Matt falls asleep that night with Neil pressed against his back with an arm around his midsection. 

He sleeps through the night for the first time since New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Neil is done with everyone's shit. 
> 
> Hope you liked the chapter! As always, your comments fuel me!


	16. Chapter 16

Matt wakes before the sun has risen, and he can feel the steady rise and fall of Neil’s chest against his back. He’s awake, trying desperately not to move too much, but his feet move. Matt flips in his arms, sending a sleepy smile to Neil. 

“Is it killing you to be here instead of out on a run?” he asks, and Neil rolls his eyes, throwing a leg over Matt’s and hauling himself impossibly closer. 

“No, Matt. Believe it or not, I like you,” he says, and Matt hums. 

“Morning, baby,” he says, and Neil softens at the name, tracing the notches of Matt’s spine while they stare at each other. 

“Good morning. How did you sleep?” Neil asks, absently tracing at Matt’s under eye circle. Matt turns his face to press a chaste kiss to Neil’s hand, going still immediately. 

“I’m sorry, I-”

“It’s fine, Matt. That doesn’t bother me,” he assures, “You don’t need to ask me about the little things like that. I’ll tell you if it’s a no.”

“But-”

“Andrew needs to know he isn’t making me do anything. He says I’m a martyr. But we don’t ask about everything either, at least not verbally,” he says, and Matt nods, lacing his and Neil’s fingers together. 

“Morning kiss?” he asks, and Neil chuckles, pressing three quick kisses to Matt’s lips. Matt goes boneless, sinking into Neil’s embrace and humming. 

“We have to get ready for practice soon,” Neil reminds him, and Matt groans, hiding his face in the pillow, “you’re as bad as Andrew.”

“Not our fault Wymack makes us practice at zero dark thirty,” Matt says into the pillow, and Neil laughs, pressing a kiss to Matt’s shoulder. 

“Well,  _ I’m  _ going to get ready. I’ll see you at the court,” he says, peeling himself away from Matt to stand. Matt grabs his hand before he can walk away, sitting up and pulling him back to kiss him sweetly, his free hand cupping Neil’s face. 

“See you soon, Neil. Thank you,” he’s painfully earnest, and Neil rolls his eyes. He nods though, studying Matt’s face for a few seconds before leaving the dorm. 

Three days pass, and Matt still hasn’t spoken to Andrew. They’re tense, moving around each other without a word, and Andrew catches Matt staring more than once. 

Dan is still annoyed with him, and he makes her dinner as a peace offering. She’s sitting on the counter, watching him move around the small kitchen with sharp eyes. Matt hums the tune of some top 40 hit that Dan enjoys and avoids talking more than he has to. 

They don’t fight often. In fact, Matt can count the number of fights they’ve had during their three and a half year relationship on one hand. He isn’t even sure if this counts as a fight. He doesn’t want to ask. 

When he’s finished cooking, Dan hops off the counter, moving to get them both plates and putting together a taco, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. She sits on the couch, taking a bite of her taco and chewing slowly. Matt drops down next to her, eating his taco in silence. It’s grating at his sanity. 

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, and Dan’s chewing slows. She turns to look at him, staying silent for a moment after she swallows. 

“For what?” she challenges, and Matt glances to the floor, willing it to swallow him up. 

“For going awol for a week and refusing to talk to you,” he says, sighing after, “it wasn’t cool. I shouldn’t have done it. And also for causing problems. I was an ass.”

“Damn right,” she mutters, finishing her taco and setting the plate on the coffee table before saying anything else, “what the hell happened, Matt?” 

He’s embarrassed, guilty. His stomach twists into knots, and he shakes his head, “I talked to Andrew and Neil, and it didn’t go well.”

Dan just stares, waiting for him to continue. When he doesn’t offer anything else, Dan sighs. 

“What do you mean it didn’t go well?”

Matt clenches and unclenches his jaw, “I mean, I told them that I wanted to be with them officially and for real and how much I care about them. Neil didn’t say anything, and Andrew told me we’re nothing. And then I stormed out.”

Dan’s expression darkens, and before Matt is aware, she’s standing, marching out of his dorm and off down the hallway. Matt frowns, shoving the last of his taco in his mouth before jogging after her. 

By the time he’s caught up with her, she is pounding on their door incessantly, not stopping until Neil pulls it open. He looks stressed, and when he sees Dan, he frowns. 

“Dan? What-” she pushes past him. 

“Andrew? Andrew, come out here or I will break down your door. I  _ swear to god _ ,” she demands, and Matt’s eyes widen. 

“Dan, I don’t think this is going to help anything,” Matt says, his throat tight with anxiety. When Andrew opens the bedroom door and walks out, he has that practiced apathy plastered across his face. 

Dan doesn’t even say anything at first. She just walks over to him and shoves him as hard as she can, sending him back into the door. 

Matt’s face contorts, and before she can hit him again, he’s running and dragging her away by her midsection. 

“Dan,  _ don’t _ ,” he says, but she just keeps pushing forward, trying to get out of his grip. He won’t let go, his eyes trained on Andrew, who has pulled out one of his knives, twirling it deftly in his fingers. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” she demands, and Andrew doesn’t respond, “he deserves a hell of a lot better than  _ you _ , and if you ever call him nothing again, I will  _ end you _ .” 

Dan is seething, finally stilled in Matt’s arms. 

Matt and Neil are both watching Andrew with held breath. He walks forward deliberately and very slowly, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest. Matt is holding his breath. 

“It’s none of your business, Wilds,” he says, and Dan tries to pull out of Matt’s grip again. Andrew’s attention turns to Matt, “call off your guard dog.”

“Don’t call her that,” Matt snaps, and when Dan has stilled again, he lets her go, pulling her to his side gently, their hands linked together. 

“It is my business,” Dan says after a minute, “it’s my business because unlike you, I care about his feelings. You  _ hurt him _ .”

“He’s a big boy. He can handle himself,” Andrew says, and Matt sighs, exasperated. 

“He just wants to date you, Andrew. He gushes about you. He talks about you like you’re special and important and kind, and you said-”

“He doesn’t know anything about me,” Andrew sneers. 

“Bullshit!” Matt snaps, his voice raised. The following silence stretches in front of them, and Matt’s chest is heaving. 

“I know you like extra whipped cream on your milkshakes. And I know that you like to read. I know that you have glasses, but you never wear your glasses in public. I know that you hate to be woken up early in the morning and that you make Neil shower after he runs before you’ll let him kiss you. I know that you’re terrified of hurting the people you love and that you never throw the first punch, not really. You don’t lash out unprovoked. I know that your lips twitch when you’re trying not to smile, and you don’t usually like to be touched from behind. I know that you’re funny. You study criminal justice because you didn’t think you’d want to play exy professionally, and you want to help people like you. People like Neil and Aaron and Nicky and Kevin. I know you have a big heart even if you’ll  _ die  _ before you fucking admit it. And I know that this is scary. Don’t you think I’m scared, Andrew? This shit is terrifying,” Matt says with a dry chuckle.

“But I know that I want you even on the days where you won’t let me kiss you and the days when everything that’s happened to us is too much. I want the ugly days just as much as I want the happy ones because I care, Andrew. And it’s scary, but you’re worth it. Andrew. I-”

“Stop,” he rasps, and Matt closes his mouth immediately because he’ll always stop when Andrew needs him to. He’ll push and he’ll plead, but he’ll never intentionally break the shaky trust they’ve built. 

Andrew looks at Matt and then at Dan and finally at Neil before he storms off, slamming the bedroom door behind him. Matt flinches at the sound. 

“Just give him a minute,” Neil says softly, reaching over to grab Matt’s hand, “He doesn’t do well with this stuff; it’s not just you.”

Dan sighs, pulling Matt into a one-armed hug, “I’ll apologize to him later, but I have some homework to get done. Let me know if you need anything?” Matt nods, dipping to kiss the top of her head. 

“Bye Dan,” Neil says, smiling when Dan hugs him too. And then she’s gone, leaving the two of them standing in the entryway of the dorm. 

After a few minutes of sitting anxiously on the couch, Matt glances at Neil, “do you think he’s ready to see me? I don’t want him to-”

“Just knock on the door? You’ll know if he wants you to go away,” Neil says, getting up and going to his desk, pulling out his homework and worrying at the eraser of his pencil. Matt nods even though nobody sees it. 

He walks to the door and knocks, chewing at the inside of his cheek. When there is no response, he opens it just a crack and swallows. 

“Andrew? Can I come in?” he asks, and he hears the drawn-out sigh before a quiet yes. Matt enters the bedroom and closes the door behind him. He hasn’t spent very much time in their bedroom, and he looks around. It’s tidier than he expected, every bed is made except for Nicky’s. 

Andrew is laying up in the top bunk, staring at the ceiling. Matt leans on the ladder just taking in the way the sun turns his hair a soft shade of gold. 

“Can I come up and sit?” he asks softly, and Andrew sits up, moving over to press his back against the wall, nodding once and watching warily as Matt climbs into his bunk. He slides past Andrew, moving to sit closer to the foot of the bed to give Andrew space, “hi.”

Andrew clenches and unclenches his jaw, and Matt just watches him with curious eyes. Andrew’s bedding is forest green and the sheets are a pale grey color. Matt smiles. 

“I’m sorry,” he says earnestly, clasping his hands together, “I know that this is a lot, but I shouldn’t have yelled. And I  _ never  _ want to make you uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide from me, and-”

“I’m not hiding from you,” Andrew counters and a laugh bubbles out of Matt’s chest. Some of the tension seeps out of his shoulders, “You really are the stupidest person I have ever been cursed with meeting.”

Matt puts his hand out, palm up. It’s an offering, and Andrew does not take it. Matt doesn’t respond, just leaving his hand there between them. 

“And I’m sorry that I left. I shut down, and that wasn’t fair to you and Neil. I was just hurt because I thought you meant that I wasn’t important. I already feel like I’m intruding sometimes,” Matt explains, his voice soft. 

“Just because this is nothing does not mean it is unimportant,” Andrew says, and Matt laughs, nodding. 

“I know. And I’m sorry I freaked out. We still have a lot to learn about each other, and we’re probably going to fuck up again. But god, Andrew, waking up next to you and Neil in Columbia was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. And I just want you to know that I’m all in,” Matt says, ducking his head afterward. 

His head snaps back up when he feels Andrew’s hand in his. Andrew is watching him, a challenge living there in his hazel eyes, and Matt shifts a little closer. 

“How about this. It’s a different approach to the same thing,” Matt says, squeezing Andrew’s hand gently, “We don’t have to label it or define it or put it in a box, but I’m all in. Are you in, Andrew, yes or no?” he says, laying it out in the simplest terms the way that Andrew always asks. 

Andrew’s lips twitch, “yes, idiot.”

And Matt grins, shuffling a little bit closer, “I want to kiss you, yes or no?” he asks, and as soon as Andrew says yes, Matt is pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. The kiss is slow, honey-sweet, and warm. And when Matt pulls back, he leaves his forehead resting against Andrew’s. 

“You are extraordinary, Andrew Minyard,” he whispers into the space between their lips, and Andrew traces his thumb along Matt’s jawline. 

“You’re a disaster, Matthew Boyd.” Matt laughs, nodding. 

“Yeah, sweetheart. Yeah, I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was a lot for me emotionally. Let me know what you think??


	17. Chapter 17

Matt doesn’t enjoy wearing a suit. And on the evening of the winter banquet, when it’s announced that the Foxes will go on to defend their title in the spring, all Matt wants to do is crawl into bed with Dan or Andrew or Neil and sleep for a week. 

He’s drowning in projects and presentations, and with finals week quickly approaching, he doesn’t know how to do all of it without failing. 

They’re sitting at a table with USC, and Kevin is chattering with Jeremy and Jean, more upbeat than he normally is. Matt sips at his drink, keeping to himself and trying to work out the kinks in one of his final projects when Andrew sits next to him. 

Andrew looks flawless wearing an all-black ensemble that perfectly complements his broad shoulders. Matt smiles down at him. 

“Hey,” he says, and Andrew doesn’t respond, stealing Matt’s drink and gulping it down. Matt laughs, rolling his eyes and nudging Andrew with his elbow. Andrew turns to look across the room, watching Neil, “he looks good in green.”

Andrew makes a noncommittal noise, and Matt almost leans to rest his head atop Andrew’s before remembering that they are in a very public place. 

They sit there in comfortable silence as the banquet moves around them. Matt occasionally catches the eye of one of his teammates, sending them a smile as they go on their way. 

He stands suddenly, turning to look at Andrew, “I’m getting another drink. Do you want anything?” he asks, and Andrew says nothing, standing and walking toward the bar. Matt follows him, pulling out his ID. 

“I forgot sometimes that you weren’t 21 until a month ago,” Matt says, and Andrew’s eyebrows twitch. 

“I didn’t ask, Boyd,” he says, and Matt chuckles. 

“I know you didn’t… I didn’t get you anything,” he adds, and Andrew glares at him. 

“I would have stabbed you,” he counters, and Matt nods slowly. 

“Maybe, but you still deserve to be celebrated.”

“You’re insufferable,” Andrew mutters, ordering two drinks when they get to the front, shoving one at Matt as soon as it’s ready. Matt takes a drink without thanking him, knowing that it would probably get him nothing but a cold shoulder for the rest of the night. 

When they move to return to the table, Matt freezes, immediately zeroing in on Neil who is engaged in what appears to be a very tense conversation with one of the Raven backliners. 

“Shit,” Matt says, taking a large gulp of his drink and walking over. 

“Riko blew his brains out, you piece of shit. Maybe he was embarrassed to be your fucking captain because he knew that you would never-”

“Neil,” Matt warns, but the redhead ignores him, plowing forward with the force of a bullet. 

“-amount to anything. And he was right. You’re a pathetic excuse for an athlete and don’t deserve the air that you  _ breathe _ ,” he seethes, and Matt sighs, watching her jaw clench and unclench. 

“And what about you, Nathaniel? Your team is a disgrace, and you won’t last two games in the-”

Neil, takes a step forward, his face pressing so close to hers that it might look flirty from across the room. 

“I wouldn’t finish that sentence if I were you, Emily. I would hate for you to choke on those words,” he says, his voice low and menacing. 

“Go fuck yourself, Nathaniel,” she says, and Matt steps forward too, towering over her. 

“His name is Neil. You better watch yourself,” he says, and a slow, devastating smile slides across Neil’s face. He looks up at Matt with a kind of hunger that feels misplaced. 

“Hm, what’s your name again? I can’t seem to recall the most useless-”

Andrew materializes beside her, a knife in hand, and he twirls it casually, his eyes darkened. He tilts his head, daring her to continue. 

“Oh good, two psychopaths and a-” 

“Matt is a boxer, I’m a mass murderer’s son, and Andrew won’t fucking hesitate. I’d walk away if I were you,” Neil says, but the challenge drips off his tongue. Matt forces himself to glance around, hoping they haven’t caught anyone else’s attention. 

“Watch your back, Wesninski,” she says, turning on her heels and storming away. 

“Oh, I’m shaking,” he calls after her, sneering. The knife disappears from Andrew’s hand as quickly as it had appeared, and Matt’s shoulders drop. 

“God, can you stay out of trouble for two hours?” Matt asks, but Neil just grins up at him. Matt laughs before chugging the rest of his drink.

“What would be the fun in that? These are boring, and I was left unattended,” he says with faux innocence. Matt ruffles his hair. 

“If she tries to hurt you during our game, I’ll kill her,” Matt says casually, and Andrew shakes his head, sipping at his drink. 

“Can’t wait to see that,” Neil teases, rolling his eyes. But they’re all quiet for a moment, and Matt wonders if they, too, are thinking about Jack sitting out of practice for almost a week because he could barely see out of his swollen eyes. He doesn’t ask. 

Finals week passes in a blur of caffeine and anxiety dreams, and Matt is once again hunting down Neil and Andrew to say goodbye. Dan had left that morning, having gone home to Mobile to spend the holidays with her stage sisters. 

Matt finds Andrew in his bedroom with a book in hand, and he knocks on the doorframe to alert him of his presence. Nicky had stepped out after letting Matt in, and Matt made a mental note to thank him later. 

Andrew looks up from his book, dog-earing the page before setting it aside. He’s laying in Neil’s bed. Matt walks over, sitting down at the foot of the bed. 

“I just came to say bye before my flight. When does Neil get back?” he asks, and Andrew takes a moment, stretching and then sitting up before saying anything. 

“His final ends at 2,” Andrew says, and Matt pulls out his phone, checking the time. 

“You’re still going to Columbia?” he asks, and Andrew stares back at him with that annoyed expression he makes when Matt asks dumb questions, “You could come to New York.”

It isn’t the first time he’s offered (or the second or third), but neither Andrew nor Neil has accepted the invitation. 

“Tell Randy you need to work on your left hook,” is all Andrew says in response, and Matt chuckles, dropping to lay back. Andrew watches him move. 

“Will do,” he says, reaching up and letting his hand hover an inch from Andrew’s cheek. Andrew nods once, and Matt hums, tracing his cheekbone with the tips of his fingers, “I’m gonna miss you.”

“You have a phone, Boyd. Use it,” Andrew challenges, and Matt snorts, sitting back up and nodding. 

“Okay, Sweets, I’ll be sure to give you a call,” he says softly, and Andrew mutters something that sounds like  _ I don’t care what you do _ , but he presses his cheek into Matt’s hand anyway, “Goodbye kiss, yes or no?” 

Andrew rolls his eyes, pulling Matt in for a quick kiss before standing up and going to grab his duffle bag from its place in the closet. 

“Will you tell Neil to come and see me when he gets back? I have to leave by 2:30,” he requests, and Andrew grunts, effectively letting Matt know that he’s done talking. 

Matt watches him for another minute before leaving, hugging Nicky on his way back to his room. He’s never felt less excited to spend time back home.


	18. Chapter 18

His first week in New York is fine although he wakes up every morning under a mountain of blankets wishing he weren’t alone. He’s at home with his mom, and although it’s quiet, he does enjoy spending time with her. Every day, he almost brings up Andrew and Neil but bites his tongue. 

On his eighth day, Randy throws a set of his old hand wraps at him while he’s laying on the couch, and he looks up at her with a small smile. 

“What, you miss kicking my ass?” he asks, and Randy laughs, tossing her head back. Matt stands though, going to his room and changing into his workout gear before following his mom out the door and to the gym. 

It’s two days before Christmas, and the small boxing gym by their house is locked up, and randy pulls out a ket, unlocking it and sending him a wink. He’s always admired his mother’s easy charm, and he knows that somehow, he managed to learn it from her.

Matt sits down to wrap his hands, watching his mom do her own, and he feels a small pang in his chest. He hasn’t spent much time boxing with his mom since he returned home from rehab in high school and picked it up. 

“Andrew says I need to work on my right hook,” he offers, trying for casual while he pulls on a pair of gloves, clenching and unclenching his fists inside.

“Minyard?” is all she says, and Matt nods, avoiding eye contact and willing his cheeks to cool, “I thought you didn’t talk to him much.”

“I didn’t,” Matt says, glancing her way and standing up, “we’re good now. And Aaron switched rooms with Neil, so we live together now.”

“Why does Andrew think you need to work on your left hook?” she asks, ignoring his deflection. Matt sighs, shrugging and stepping into the ring. It feels smaller than it used to.

“Because I always lead right when I start fights?” he suggests, and she nods, humming thoughtfully. 

“Sure, but why is Andrew criticizing your fighting? Have you been throwing down with Minyard?” 

Matt laughs, throwing back his head. His mom follows him into the ring, raising her gloved fists. Matt’s heartbeat picks up as he mirrors her. 

“No. I’m not throwing down with Andrew. To be honest, I think he’d kick my ass,” Matt says, dodging his mom’s first jab. 

“You’re a boxer, Matthew. If 5’ Andrew can kick your ass, we have more problems than your left hook,” she counters, throwing her own left hook and then jabbing Matt in the jaw when he blocks with his right hand. 

“If you’re going to hit my face, I want a mouthguard,” Matt mutters before continuing, “He brings knives to a fistfight, excuse me if I don’t want to get stabbed. Besides, I don’t think he wants to fight me, and I know I don’t want to fight him.”

“Go get us guards,” she says, nudging his shoulder and watching her son go and retrieve their mouthguards, slipping his in and handing hers over, effectively silencing them both while they fight. 

An hour later, Matt is bruised and exhausted and laying on the ground with a heaving chest, staring up at the lights in the ceiling. His mom never ceased to amaze him. She is fast and powerful and ruthless in a way he had never learned to be. She sits beside him, meticulously unwrapping her hands. 

“Why didn’t you invite your friends again?” she asks, and Matt sighs, shrugging and blinking away the aura left behind by the lights for a few minutes before speaking. 

“Most of them had plans. Erik bought Nicky a plane ticket to Germany as his Christmas present, so he’s gone. Aaron is with Katelyn, Kevin stayed with Coach, Allison and Renee are together, and Dan is in Mobile with the girls. I invited Andrew and Neil, but they stayed in South Carolina together,” he says, his voice quiet by the end. Randy doesn’t say anything, flexing her fingers and watching her son expectantly. 

“Hypothetically… if I were dating more than one person, how would you feel about that?” he asks, too afraid to spare a glance at her. He holds his breath.

She chuckles, shaking her head, “are you cheating? Hypothetically?” 

Matt’s gaze snaps to her, and he sits up, “absolutely not. I would never do that to Dan,” he says, and then his cheeks are warm from more than just exertion. 

“Well, if everyone is consenting, I don’t think there’s a problem with that. You’ve always had a big heart. It’s not traditional, but who cares,” she says it like it’s the simplest thing in the world, and Matt nods slowly. 

“And if it weren’t hypothetical?” 

“Who are you seeing, Matt?” she asks, and he groans, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Dan. And Andrew and Neil,” he mumbles, and his mom just laughs. 

“Neil’s the spitfire redhead with the scars, yeah?” she asks, and he nods, still avoiding eye contact with his face buried in his hands, “he’s cute; you could do worse.”

“And Andrew?” he whispers. His mom reaches out to squeeze his shoulder. 

“He’s interesting. I trusted him with you when you were nineteen; why would it be different now?” she asks him, and he shrugs. He doesn’t know why he expected her to be mad about it, “Matt, honey, does he make you happy?” 

Matt nods, looking down at her, “yeah, he does. They both do. It’s a lot different than being with Dan, but most days I can’t believe how lucky I am.”

“Well there it is: how could I feel bad about that?” she says, standing up and offering him a hand to pull him to his feet, “he was right about your left hook, though. It’s terrible. Does he box? Maybe you should train with him,” she says casually, and Matt rolls his eyes. 

“I’m not doing that.”

Two days later, he’s watching sitcom reruns on TV in the living room when he pulls out his phone and sends a text to Andrew. They haven’t spoken since the day Matt left for New York, unlike him and Dan who have texted daily.

_ It’s cold, and I want kisses _

He doesn’t actively expect a response, but when his phone buzzes, a grin breaks out across his face. 

_ Sounds like a personal problem. _

_ Boo, you’re mean. Tell Neil I want kisses.  _

Matt’s surprise doubles when he receives an incoming call from Andrew. He stares at it while it rings again.

“Tell him yourself,” the blonde says as soon as Matt has answered him. He laughs, shaking his head. 

“He doesn’t answer his phone,” Matt reminds him, “Also, mom says hi, and that you were right about my left hook.”

“I’m always right. Neil is out,” Andrew says, and Matt hums, closing his eyes and listening to the sound of Andrew breathing. He wonders when if Andrew likes to listen to him too even though he knows the younger man wouldn’t admit it.

“I miss you. New York is boring,” Matt says, and Andrew is quiet on the other end, “have you done anything fun?” 

“No. I’m making dinner tonight,” he says, and Matt blushes red. 

“Oh, right. Merry Christmas, sweets,” he says, softness creeping into his tone. He imagines Andrew’s eye roll. 

“It’s just another day,” he counters, and Matt shrugs even though he knows that Andrew can’t see him. 

“Sure, what are you making for dinner?” he asks, and he listens to Andrew list off their meal, imagining sitting there with them. 

“Sounds good, send me a picture?” he asks, and Andrew makes a noncommittal noise. They sit there in companionable silence for another minute “well, I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” Andrew parrots back at him, and he lets out a breathy laugh. 

“You’re the worst. I’m gonna go help mom. Give Neil a kiss from me when he gets back?” 

“Okay.”

“Okay. Thanks, Andrew,” he says, and Andrew is quiet for a moment on the other end of the call. Matt just keeps listening to the sound of his breathing. 

“Merry Christmas, Boyd,” he says before disconnecting the call, and Matt grins, staring up at the ceiling for a few minutes before he can calm down enough to walk to the kitchen. 

That night, Andrew sends Matt a picture of Neil with a piece of asparagus hanging out of his mouth. Matt saves the picture, and if he looks at it several times before falling asleep that night, no one has to know. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You get a little bit of texting as a treat 😘  
> Hope you like it!


	19. Chapter 19

Randy flies out for a boxing match on December 28, and Matt, after assuring her it would be fine, takes a taxi to his dad’s house. 

He’s avoided his childhood home since he came back from rehab, anxious about the memories that would surface in the house that shaped him as both a person and an addict. His dad welcomes him with a hug, and Matt goes to his room. 

It looks mostly the same as it did then, blue walls and posters and polaroids of his old friends. His stomach clenches, an unwelcome reminder of times passed, and he traces his thumb across the crook of his elbow absentmindedly. 

The afternoon passes slowly, and the itch under his skin grows. He sits in the living room with his dad, but he can’t focus on the show. His dad makes steak, and it tastes like sawdust in Matt’s dry mouth. He can barely keep each bite down. By 8, he’s laying in bed, covered in the thin sheen of sweat, and unable to fall asleep. 

The next day is worse. 

He barely slept, existing in that bitter place between sleep and awake. He stands in the shower, drinks a bottle of water. 

By noon, he’s entertaining dark thoughts, his body aching for the sharp pleasure it remembers from years before. His jaw aches from clenching his teeth. His stomach keeps cramping. 

That night, he pulls out his phone, opening his contact list, and staring at the name. He doesn’t know how long he stares before typing out a message with trembling fingers.

_ Hey Stephen, happy holidays _

_ Hey, man. What can I get for you? _

His reply comes minutes later, and Matt’s heartrate picks up, beating angrily in his chest. 

_ Do you have any dust? _

_ Always, that all you want? _

As soon as he’s read it, he locks himself in the bathroom with the lights off. He sits down, hugging his knees to his chest and praying for the euphoria of anticipation to pass. His stomach clenches and his entire body is screaming for release. 

Instead, he lifts his phone to his ear with shaking fingers. 

It only rings twice, and he can hear Andrew breathing although the younger man doesn’t say anything. They sit there in silence for a few minutes before Matt can focus his thoughts enough to say something. 

“I’m sorry,” he forces out, squeezing his eyes shut, “Andrew, I’m so sorry. I didn’t- I can’t-”

“Stop,” Andrew says, and Matt sucks in a sharp breath. He listens to the sound of Andrew murmuring something to Neil before getting up and going to a different room. He can hear the click of the door, “why are you apologizing?”

“I didn’t mean to, Andrew. It’s just so fucking-” he groans, hitting his head on the wall behind him, trying to clear the overbearing  _ want _ . 

“Where are you?” he asks, and Matt is quiet for a moment, trying to scrape together a coherent sentence. 

“I’m at my dad’s. My mom is gone for a few days and-”

“Did you take anything?” Andrew asks, blunt as always, and Matt shakes his head, “Matt. Did you-”

“No,” he forces out between clenched teeth, “but I texted my dealer and-”

“You still have your dealer’s number?” Andrew asks, and Matt flinches at his tone. 

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“Do you have anything?” 

“No, Andrew, I just-”

“Give me his number,” Andrew demands, and Matt’s breathing picks up. He can feel his pulse, rabbit-quick in his chest. 

“Drew, I can’t just-”

“You called me for a reason,” Andrew says, and Matt chokes back a sob, “Let me help you, yes or no?” 

Matt almost says please, but he bites his tongue until he tastes blood. He pulls up the contact information and reads it off to Andrew. Andrew is quiet for a moment, and Matt just sits there, listening to Andrew breathe. 

“Okay, where are you exactly?”

“I’m in my bathroom, Andrew I-”

“Come home,” he says simply, and Matt frowns, still trying to clear the cobwebs from his mind.

“What?”

“Book a flight. You can’t be in New York alone. Send me the itinerary, and I’ll pick you up.” Matt hears another door shut. 

“I can’t just-”

“Matt, if you stay there will you relapse?” he asks, and Matt sucks in a sharp breath. 

“Probably.” It’s barely more than a whisper. Andrew sighs, and Matt can picture the look on his face. 

“You called for a reason,” Andrew says again, and Matt nods. 

“Okay. Yeah, I’ll book a flight.”

“Good, is there anything in the house that’s an immediate issue?” Andrew asks, and Matt frowns, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“I haven’t looked,” he admits, getting up on shaky legs and making his way to his dad’s office, logging on to the computer, and looking at flights. 

“Don’t look. What do you need?” he asks, and Matt blinks away tears. 

“Don’t hang up,” he whispers, and he buys the earliest available ticket, “I leave at 9 in the morning.”

“Okay. Good,” Andrew says, and Matt goes to the kitchen, gulping down a glass of water. It makes his stomach twist, and his hands are shaking still. 

“Andrew?” he says, voice tight. Andrew makes a noise of acknowledgment, and Matt swallows thickly, “Will you talk to me? I just, I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m-”

“I started playing exy in juvie,” he says casually, and Matt almost laughs at the absurdity. Of course, that’s what Andrew would start talking about, “Go tell your dad you’re leaving in the morning.”

Matt makes his way to the living room where the evening news plays. Matt’s throat feels tight. 

“Dad?” he says, and he cringes when he hears how small his voice sounds. He feels like a kid again.

“Matt? What’s wrong? Do you need-”

“I’m leaving in the morning. I’m going to stay with some of my friends in Columbia for the new year until we go back to school,” he rushes out, his phone still pressed to his ear. 

“What, no you’re not. Matt that’s ridiculous; you can’t-”

“I can’t be here,” he snaps, his voice loud and angrier than Andrew has ever heard him sound, “I can’t be in New York. I can’t be in this house. I’m doing so well, Dad. My grades are good, and there are people who care about me, and there’s interest in my signing with a professional Exy team when I graduate. I can’t risk it. It’s not worth it,” Matt says, and he feels like he’s going to be sick. 

“Matt, we can-”

“No.”

“Matthew-”

“I said  _ stop _ . I said no. Please stop!” His voice cracks on the last word, and then he turns on his heels, locking himself in his childhood bedroom and sinking to the floor, gasping for air. 

“Matt,” Andrew says, and Matt can barely hear him. He can’t think. He can’t breathe. He feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest. His cheeks are wet with tears. 

“I’m sorry. Andrew, I didn’t mean to. You told me not to, and I did. Don’t make me stay here; I didn’t mean it. I’m-”

“Stop,” Andrew says harshly, and Matt sees spots in his vision, “It’s fine just don’t do it again, and don’t say it to me.” 

Could it really be so simple? He had done one of the few things that Andrew had told him not to do, but Andrew forgives him? He still can’t breathe. 

“Boyd, breathe. I’m going to count for you,” Andrew says. And then he does in that stupid monotone voice. He counts in fours until Matt can think again. 

“You have to wake up early,” Andrew reminds him, and he knows that it’s Andrew’s way of telling him to get in bed. 

“You didn’t finish telling me about juvie,” Matt prompts, turning out the lights and climbing under the sheets. 

“I started playing exy because I was tired of reading, and I had already learned how to make a shank and suck a dick,” he says, bored as always. Matt laughs, smiling for the first time in days. 

“Mmm, lucky me. You are really good at sucking dick.” He can hear Andrew’s exhale, the closest he’s heard to laughter. 

“I’m good at a lot of things. Sucking dick is marginally better than playing exy.”

“I’m glad you play exy. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t have met you, and I never would have gotten to experience the wonder that is your mouth on my dick,” Matt teases, and he can practically hear Andrew’s eye roll. 

“Shut up, and go to sleep. I won’t hang up until you’re sleeping,” Andrew says, and Matt hums. 

“Thanks, Sweetheart. You’re the best.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about this one too... hope you like it anyway?? Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also, I have a mandreil playlist that I write to. Does anyone want the link?


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here are my AFTG playlists for anyone who is interested
> 
> [My Mandreil Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4n2UOuCYSTOhTdxH1rW5DT?si=5RcAnm9qRxmgmgGoid7knw)   
>  [My Andreil Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/3M9Ms2u2QK7IArtroRLN3P?si=0Cdmt65gRUWj8fCq5wQIcA)   
>  [My General AFTG Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2dmwH1eCHawDnIICPwwBY4?si=jTU1s8ZtQvichp9DXTsfwQ)

When Matt finally gets outside, he immediately spots the maserati. Andrew’s arm is out the driver’s side window, a cigarette half-smoked between his fingers. Before he says anything, Andrew pops the trunk. Matt puts his luggage in the back before dropping into the vacant passenger’s seat. He can finally breathe again.

Matt stares at Andrew in a soft, worn-in grey t-shirt and sweatpants. He looks soft to the touch, and Matt has never wanted to hold him more. Andrew takes another long drag of his cigarette before glancing at Matt. 

“Where’s neil?” Matt asks, his voice hoarse from crying. Andrew takes another drag. 

“He’s waiting at the house,” Andrew says, and Matt nods slowly before reaching up to rub his eyes. 

“Drew, can I…” he trails off, dejected. He scrambles for the words, clenching and unclenching his fists. 

“Yes or no?” Andrew asks, and he accepts Matt’s desperate nod, reaching over and capturing his chin between his thumb and forefinger, holding firm. He makes eye contact, studying Matt for a second before leaning in and pressing a firm kiss to his lips, “you’re going to be okay.”

There is no room for argument, and Matt nods slowly. 

“Thank you,” he whispers, and Andrew scoffs, his right hand dropping to the gearshift. 

“Don’t be an idiot,” he counters, putting the car in drive and taking the familiar roads back to the Columbia house. 

Matt gets his suitcase from the trunk while Andrew grinds out the stub of his cigarette. Andrew takes his hand, guiding him inside with a tight grip. Neil is on the couch, staring at the muted television. His head snaps to the door when it opens. 

He stands, but doesn’t move any closer to the door, watching Andrew and Matt come inside. Matt is ashen, visibly trembling, and Neil notes the way Andrew is watching him. 

“Hi,” Matt forces out, and Neil sends him a tight smile. 

“Hey, Matty.” Neil’s words are drawn out. 

“Matt is taking a shower, and then he needs some sleep,” Andrew says, and Matt marvels at how he manages to sound both decisive and bored at the same time. Neil nods, still standing in front of the couch. 

“Will you make sure there are clean sheets on all the beds?” Andrew asks, and Neil nods again, disappearing upstairs in a flash. 

Andrew takes Matt’s suitcase, turning to look up at him, “I’ll grab you a clean towel. You remember where the bathroom is?” 

Matt nods, watching Andrew stalk off into Nicky’s bedroom. He stands there for a few seconds, staring after Andrew before staggering upstairs to the bathroom. He avoids the mirror, ignoring the way that he looks like death personified. 

Andrew knocks once before pulling the door open, and some of the tension bleeds out of Matt’s shoulders when he sees him. He takes the towel, hugging it to his midsection. 

“Thank you,” he manages, and Andrew nods, glancing toward the shower which is still turned off. 

“Do you want me to stay?” he asks, and Matt can’t mask his shock. He stares with wide eyes for a moment before nodding. 

“Only if you’re comfortable with that. I don’t-”

“I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t okay,” Andrew reminds him before slipping past and turning on the shower, putting his hand in the spray and adjusting the temperature until it’s to his liking. 

Matt strips slowly, dropping each article of clothing on the floor. He gets in the shower when he’s naked, hissing when the hot water hits his back. When Andrew gets in, he’s still fully clothed, and Matt chuckles. 

“I didn’t think you would get in with me,” he admits, rolling his neck. Andrew raises an eyebrow. 

“Do you want me to get out?”

“No.” Matt’s answer is quick, and Andrew’s lips twitch in amusement. Matt closes his eyes, pressing farther into the stream of water. He reaches out a hand, smiling when Andrew links their fingers together. 

Matt hums, opening his eyes and sucking in a sharp breath. Andrew is beautiful, standing there in his dripping wet clothes, and Matt can see the lack of sleep. Matt shuffles a little closer. 

“Andrew, can I hug you?” he whispers, barely audible over the water. Andrew stares up at him, and just when Matt thinks he hadn’t heard, he nods, stepping closer. 

“That’s a yes Boyd,” he says when Matt hesitates. Matt laughs, wrapping his arms around Andrew’s shoulders and relaxing into Andrew’s arms when he wraps Matt up in turn. 

He can feel Andrew’s heartbeat, and he has to blink back tears. He’s shaking, but he doesn’t squeeze. He refuses to make Andrew feel trapped. Andrew traces a small circle on his shoulder blade with his thumb.

“You smell like sweat,” he says a minute later, and Matt laughs, shaking his head. They both know that Matt’s night was riddled with nightmares. 

Andrew grabs the body wash before pulling out of the hug, thrusting the bottle at Matt, “After you’re clean, we’re napping. You can stay in Nicky’s bed or-”

“No,” Matt argues, shaking his head while he steps out of the spray, lathering up his hands, “I want to stay with you… if that’s okay.”

Andrew watches him as he washes off, keeping silent until Matt is back under the water. 

“Just me or both of us?” he asks, and Matt shoots him an unimpressed look. 

“Both of you unless you’d rather-”

“Don’t be stupid. I’ll ask Neil while you’re getting dressed,” he says simply, and Matt grins. His tremors have lessened, and he reaches out with shaking fingers hovering by Andrew’s cheek. 

Andrew leans his head into the touch, and Matt melts. He traces his thumb across Andrew’s cheekbone before leaning in and whispering a quiet, “yes or no?” and kissing Andrew’s forehead once he’s answered. 

“Wash your hair,” Andrew says in return, and Matt shakes his head, “if you don’t, you can’t lay on my pillow.”

And Matt laughs again, but he doesn’t move. They stare at each other for a minute before Andrew sighs, pouring shampoo in his hand and reaching up to plop it on Matt’s head. 

After pausing to make sure it’s alright, he washes Matt’s hair. His hands are rough and he presses too hard, but Matt just smiles down at him, soaking in the touch. When he’s done and Matt has rinsed it out, Andrew leans around him, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower. 

Matt accepts the towel when Andrew offers it, wrapping himself up and following Andrew to the bedroom where the blonde pulls out a new set of clothes and traipses back to the bathroom to change. 

Matt dries himself off, pulling on a t-shirt and some sweats of his own. When Andrew returns, Neil is behind him. Neil walks over and drops onto the bed, turning to watch Matt and Andrew interact. 

Andrew grabs Matt’s towel, turning on his heels and calling, “you’re in the middle,” over his shoulder while he takes the towel back to the bathroom to hang it up. 

Matt crawls into the bed, dropping down beside Neil who turns to smile at him. Neil scoots closer, hesitating before he takes Matt’s hand and squeezes tightly. Matt reaches up to push Neil’s hair out of his eyes. 

“Hey, baby,” he says, and Neil shifts closer again. Matt leans in to press a chaste kiss to his cheek, and Neil chuckles. 

“I think I’m supposed to be comforting you,” he points out, and Matt shrugs. He can see the rigidity in Neil’s frame, the pent up emotion. 

“Why can’t we comfort each other? You two look as stressed as I feel,” he offers, and Neil grimaces, avoiding eye contact. 

“We were worried about you. I didn’t know if you’d-”

“Sleep now, talk later,” Andrew says, getting in the bed and pressing his back to the wall, leaving space between himself and Matt. 

“Drew, can we cuddle?” he asks, and Neil smiles, pressing a kiss to the back of Matt’s hand. Andrew is quiet for a moment while he thinks. 

“Yes, but you have to face me.”

Matt kisses Neil’s cheek before flipping over and looking at Andrew. He can feel Neil press himself up against his back, draping an arm over his waist, and he goes boneless. 

Andrew moves slowly, an inch at a time until he’s pressed at Matt’s front, his head under Matt’s chin and his arm beside Neil’s. Matt hums while his eyes fall closed. 

“Thank you,” he breathes out, and Andrew presses a kiss to the juncture of his neck and shoulder before burrowing his face there. 

“We’ve got you,” Neil promises at his back, and Matt nods, closing his eyes and resting there between the two of them, letting sleep pull him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought!
> 
> [Come vibe with me on tumblr. I accept prompts, and I'm friendly](https://unpredictableandunreal.tumblr.com)


	21. Chapter 21

Matt wakes with a jolt, his heart hammering in his chest, and Andrew immediately pulls away, trying to put distance between them. 

“No, stay,” Matt mumbles, opening his eyes to study Andrew’s apprehensive face. Matt’s arm is still tossed lightly around Andrew’s waist, “it was just a bad dream. ‘M okay.”

At Matt’s assurance, Andrew moves closer again, leaving a few inches between them more for his sake than for Matt’s. Neil is still plastered to Matt’s back with a leg thrown over Matt’s hip. 

“Does wilds know you’re here?” Andrew asks, his voice raspy. Matt shakes his head, absently tracing shapes on Andrew’s side, “tell her.”

“I don’t want her to worry,” he argues, averting his eyes, and Andrew dips to catch his gaze. 

“She’ll be more worried if she finds out you were hiding this from her,” Andrew argues, and Matt shrugs. Neil chooses that moment to pop up, resting his chin on Matt’s bicep and looking down at him. 

“Drew’s right. She’d want to know that you’re having a hard time,” Neil says before pressing a chaste kiss to Matt’s bare arm, holding on tighter. Matt stares at Andrew, his breathing picking up. 

“Stop panicking,” he says, and Matt closes his eyes, “you didn’t do anything wrong.”

Matt tries to focus on his words, but everything goes hazy, “I think I’m going to be sick,” my forces out between shaky breaths, and Andrew is up, tugging him out of bed and to the bathroom where Matt dry heaves into the toilet. 

Andrew sits down behind him, close enough to be comforting but not close enough to touch. When Matt lifts his head a moment later, one hand clutching at his stomach, Andrew reaches over to feel his forehead with the back of his pale hand. 

“No fever,” he says, and Matt squeezes his eyes shut, “anxiety or cravings?” he demands, and Matt leans into his touch when he goes to pull away. Andrew hesitates before scooting closer so that his crossed legs press against Matt’s. 

“Both?” Matt offers, and Andrew just nods. 

“What did you ask for?” 

Matt stills, trying to focus on breathing, knowing that Andrew will chastise him the second he stops. He doesn’t want to tell him. It’s a big admission, and it makes Matt feel weak. He doesn’t want to tell Andrew, but he wants him to know. 

“Coke,” he forces out after a minute. Andrew nods, just watching him, “he asked if I wanted anything else.”

Andrew taps two fingers against Matt’s pulse point, just watching him breathe. Matt closes his eyes again, and Andrew nudges him. 

“He won’t answer you anymore, but you need to delete his number,” Andrew says, and Matt could swear his voice is softer than it normally is, the jagged edges smoothed out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” Andrew says, his eyes narrowing, “you’re here, and you’re going to be okay.”

“I don’t want to let you down,” Matt whispers, and his eyes are glassy. Andrew blinks, studying his face for what feels like an eternity. 

“What about letting yourself down?” he asks, and Matt shrugs. 

“That’s less devastating. I can handle disappointing myself, but I don’t know what I’d do if-”

“Stop,” Andrew says between grit teeth, he pulls his hand away from Matt, pushing away until his back is pressed against the wall. Matt leans away from him, trying to give as much space as he can, “you can’t do it for me. I’m not your answer.”

“I didn’t say you were,” Matt points out, keeping his voice level, “I didn’t do it for you. You helped even though it didn’t really feel that way when I overdosed and then dealt with the withdrawal alone. But you did help… not because you cared about me, I know. You did it for Aaron which is okay.” Matt is rambling, and Andrew is just letting him talk. 

“And I don’t want to stay sober because of you specifically. I want to stay sober because of all of this. Because of the team and Dan and you and Neil and Nicky and Wymack and my mom and mostly for me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my entire life, and it isn’t worth throwing away. But at that moment when I sent that stupid fucking text, my first thought was thank god because the relief is almost as good as the high… but my second thought was that I couldn’t let you down because you’ve taken more than one chance on me. And I never want you to regret it.”

“I don’t do regret,” Andrew replies coolly, but Matt can see the nervousness in the way his jaw is set. 

“Well, I do. And I regretted that text the second I sent it because losing everything isn’t worth it. And I feel fucking sick to my stomach because my body is pissed, but I’d rather be here with you.”

Andrew closes his eyes for a second before he reaches out, his fingers finding Matt’s pulse point again. 

“You’re a disaster, Boyd,” he says again, and Matt offers him a watery smile, reaching up to wipe his eyes. 

“I-”

“No,” Andrew warns him, eyes narrowing, “we aren’t doing that right now. I’m making soup for dinner, and you need to rehydrate.” Andrew stands, pulling Matt up after him, “and brush your teeth.”

Matt laughs, sniffling, and going to get his toothbrush from his suitcase while Andrew and Neil make their way downstairs. 

Matt brushes his teeth while staring at himself in the mirror. He looks wrecked. His eyes are red-rimmed and there are dark circles under them. His skin is more ashen than it normally is, and he feels like shit. 

But when he finally gets downstairs and sees Neil sitting on the kitchen counter, watching Andrew cut carrots, he smiles. They look domestic, both in oversized t-shirts and sweatpants with bare feet. 

And Matt is struck by the scene. He leans against the wall, watching Andrew move around the kitchen effortlessly. He’s always so sure in a way that Matt admires. He’s strong, maybe the strongest person Matt knows, and he loves that Andrew will be there to hold him up. 

“Stop staring,” Andrew calls over his shoulder, and Matt doesn’t know who he’s telling. So he pushes off the wall, making his way over to kiss Neil’s forehead, smiling at him.

“You’re so pretty,” he whispers to Neil who rolls his eyes dramatically. But his cheeks warm, and he bites the inside of his lip. And Matt knows Neil is pleased with the compliment. 

A few minutes later, Andrew puts a lid on the pot and sighs, turning to take in his two idiots who are peppering each other with lazy kisses. 

He shakes his head, moving past them and out onto the porch, pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one as soon as it’s in his hand. When Matt and Neil appear a moment later, he pulls two more free, tossing one to Neil and then offering the third to Matt. 

Matt stares for a second before nodding, placing it between his lips and dipping down to press his unlit cigarette to the cherry of Andrew’s and inhaling. When he pulls back, Andrew’s eyes are trained on him, dark and expectant and almost impressed. 

He tosses the lighter to Neil. 

They sit outside in silence, smoking until their cigarettes are to the filter. Andrew sits between Neil and Matt.

“I have presents. For you,” Matt says once they’re back inside, and Andrew’s eyes narrow. Neil eyes him curiously, his head tipping to the side, “I’ll be right back.”

He goes upstairs to pull the pristinely wrapped presents from his suitcase, leaving the third where it is packed away carefully. When he returns downstairs, Andrew and Neil are sitting on the couch, pressed together. 

Matt hands them each their gift, sitting down on the other side of the couch and ducking his head. 

“We didn’t get you anything,” Andrew says, and Matt laughs, meeting Andrew’s eyes and shrugging. 

“That’s fine,” he says, “I didn’t expect you to.”

Andrew doesn’t move, holding the box in his hands. He isn’t used to presents. Nicky is the only person that usually gives him anything, and it’s easy for him to brush Nicky off. His stomach lurches, and he looks down, finding the seam of the wrapping paper and undoing it carefully, pulling the paper off in one piece and setting it aside. 

He pulls out the contents of the box one by one, studying each before setting it aside. There are four books, and Andrew is secretly impressed by how closely Matt must have paid attention to his reading taste. He recognizes all of the books but stills when he pulls out the last one, his eyebrows twitching. 

It’s the same as the book before but in the original Russian. He looks over at Matt curiously before setting all four off the books on the coffee table gingerly. 

“I know you’re learning Russian. I thought it might help,” Matt offers, his voice soft. Andrew doesn’t know what to say, so instead, he turns his attention back to the box, pulling out the final present and humming. It’s a jar of maple butter, and Andrew unscrews the lid, dipping a finger in and licking it clean. He looks over at Matt again, finger still in his mouth, and Matt grins. 

“Yeah, I figured you’d like it. I recommend it on pancakes. And toast. And everything,” he says, and Andrew nods, dipping another finger in and sucking it clean before screwing the lid on tight and setting it aside. 

Matt and Andrew both turn their attention to Neil who is still staring at Matt with an expression akin to awe. When Andrew nudges him, he rips into the paper, tearing it off in crimson-colored strips until he’s holding the gift in his hands. 

“Oh,” Neil says, his cheeks turning a deep shade of pink while he turns over the jacket. 

“I didn’t know what to get you,” Matt admits, rubbing the back of his neck, “but I know you didn’t really get momentos when you were on the run.”

It’s a denim jacket, a soft, worn blue color. And on the back, there are patches sewn on, taking up only the top portion of the jacket. Neil traces the letters, and his vision blurs. Each patch is somewhere he had gone with the team. There was a patch from Palmetto and a dozen more from other cities were they had played. 

“I know it isn’t-”

Neil launches himself at Matt, curling into his chest, and burrowing into his neck. When he pulls away, Matt’s skin is damp. 

“Thank you. It’s perfect,” Neil says, wiping his eyes with a disbelieving laugh. Matt stares, completely shocked. He had never seen Neil cry. He reaches up to wipe his cheeks, dipping to press a kiss to his lips. 

“And we can get more, whenever we go anywhere,” Matt promises, and Neil nods, looking back down and tracing the patches. 

“You sew,” Andrew says, and Matt looks over at him. It isn’t really a question, but Matt answers him anyway. 

“Yeah, I do. Dan taught me,” he says, and Andrew nods, sitting up and leaning over. 

“Yes or no?” he asks, and when Matt nods, he kisses him slowly, the taste of maple butter lingering on his tongue. 

“You’re welcome,” Matt whispers when they separate, and Andrew scoffs, turning his head to kiss Neil from his spot in Matt’s lap. 

“Dinner,” Andrew says after a minute, standing up and going to fill three bowls. Matt follows Neil to the table, moving slowly so he can take it all in. Neil puts on the jacket, and it fits him perfectly.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this chapter. It's SOFT. Let me know what you think!


	22. Chapter 22

After dinner, Matt leaves Neil and Andrew on the couch. His heart is hammering in his chest while he makes his way upstairs, pulls out his phone, and calls Dan. She answers on the first ring. 

“Matt?” she asks, and although she’s trying to hide it, Matt can hear the anxiety creeping into her voice. He swallows thickly. 

“Hey,” his voice still sounds gravelly, and worn from the last two days. He clears his throat, and they sit in silence for a minute. 

“Are you okay?” she asks, and Matt sighs, flopping down on Andrew’s bed and pulling the duvet up to his chin. 

“It’s… been a long couple of days. I’m sorry that I didn’t text you at all yesterday or today,” he says, and she laughs, sounding relieved. 

“It’s okay. That happens sometimes. I was a little bit worried,” she admits, and Matt feels like he’s going to be sick again. 

“I almost relapsed. Yesterday.” it seems better to just lay it out on the table. Dan goes silent on the other end. 

“You… oh, babe, why didn’t you call me? You know you don’t have to go through all of that alone. Shit, I knew your dad’s would be hard… but I guess I didn’t think it would be like that. What happened? Would it help to talk about it? Do you need me to fly out? I could-”

“Dan, I’m gonna be okay,” he promises, stopping her babbling, “It was awful, and I texted my dealer.”

“Okay, so do you have anything? What do we do from here?” she asks, and Matt shakes his head, counting a few breaths before he can talk again. 

“I’m in Columbia.” his voice is quiet, and he can hear Dan’s breathing which has the same calming effect it always does. 

“Okay… are you with Neil and Andrew?” she asks, her voice soft, and Matt nods again, trying not to panic. 

“Yeah… I called Drew last night right after I fucked up, and he told me to come here. So I booked a flight, and he picked me up this afternoon,” he says, and his voice wavers, “They told me to call, but I didn’t want you to be upset. And I know I fucked up, and I just didn’t want to disappoint you or ruin your holidays. And I didn’t want to let you down, and I-”

“Hey hey hey, Matt. It’s okay. I understand,” she says, and he curls up, hiding his face in the pillows, “I’m glad you got help. Are they taking care of you? Is there anything I can do to help?” 

Matt’s cheeks are damp, and he feels broken all over again. His entire body aches and his head hurts, and he can’t help but feel like he’s ruining everything. 

“Matt, are they taking care of you?” she asks again, her voice harder, and he lets out a shaky breath. 

“Yeah, they’re great. Drew stayed on the phone with me until I fell asleep and then he got me from the airport. And he cleaned me up and they cuddled me so I could sleep. And I got sick, but Andrew sat with me. And he made soup, and they like their presents. They’re good, I promise.”

Dan hums at that, and Matt closes his eyes, sinking into the sound of her voice, “good. That’s good. Is there anything else you need?” 

“Will you just talk to me? Just tell me about your day?” he asks, and then he goes boneless, listening to her talk for half an hour. He knows that she talks longer for him, but he doesn’t say anything. 

“Matt, honey? It’s getting pretty late,” she says softly, and Matt nods. 

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll let you go. Thank you. For everything.”

“Anytime, babe. Do you need to stay on the phone? Cuz I can call it a night and keep talking if that’s what you want,” she says, and Matt laughs again. 

“No, it’s all good. Neil and Andrew are downstairs watching something, and Neil gives good cuddles. Tell Marissa I say hi? And I’ll text you tomorrow night?” he says. 

“Yeah, I look forward to it. Give the boys a kiss from me,” she says, and Matt’s cheeks warm, “I love you, Matt. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, Dan. I love you too. Goodnight.” When he hangs up, he lays there in bed for a few minutes before sneaking back downstairs.

Neil is laying with his head in Andrew’s lap, so Matt settles on the other side of the couch, smiling softly when Neil shoves his feet under Matt’s thigh. He rests a hand on Neil’s ankle, grounded by the touch. 

When Matt glances over, he notices Andrew studying him, his eyes slightly narrowed. Matt reaches over to offer him a hand, smiling when Andrew links their fingers together. 

“How’s Dan?” Neil asks, turning to look up at Matt.

“She’s good,” he assures, and Andrew reaches over to wipe the remaining moisture from Matt’s jaw, quirking an eyebrow, “I’m also good. It’s just been a long couple of days.”

Andrew nods once, burying his free hand in Neil’s curls and turning back to the television. Matt watches him for another minute before squeezing his hand briefly and turning his attention to whatever movie is on the TV. 

When Matt wakes up the next morning, Neil isn’t in bed, but Andrew’s face is hidden in his pillows. He always looks so soft in the mornings, the way his blonde hair is haloed around his beautiful face. Matt smiles, stretching out and watching him. 

“You watch Wilds sleep too?” he grumbles, voice gravelly from sleep, and Matt chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Bold of you to assume that I wake up before Dan does,” he retorts, and Andrew sighs, turning onto his side. Matt loves the way that early morning sunlight diffuses against Andrew’s skin. Andrew wipes a hand over his face. 

“Nightmares?” he asks, and Matt shakes his head. 

“No, I slept well. What about you?” Andrew shakes his head too, and Matt smiles so wide, his eyes go squinty. 

“Your breath stinks,” Andrew says plainly, and Matt rolls his eyes. 

“You’re no better, sweetheart,” he says, but he gets up, padding to the bathroom and grabbing his toothbrush. Andrew pushes past him, getting out his own. They stand next to each other, and Matt almost laughs at how domestic it feels. Andrew shoots him a warning look. 

When they’re both finished, Matt follows Andrew back to bed, climbing in beside him. He reaches out, stopping just short of his cheek, “can I kiss you?” he asks. Andrew nods, pressing forward to meet his lips. 

Matt kisses him slowly, languid, light brushes of lips together, and when Andrew tries to press harder, Matt pulls back, a small smirk on his lips. They dance like that together, pulling and pushing and trading kisses. 

When Matt pulls away altogether, leaving Andrew chasing his touch, the smaller man glares, “you are insufferable.”

“Hm, I am?” he counters, and Andrew crosses his arms, “would you prefer something else?”

They both know Matt’s just being contrary. Andrew clenches and unclenches his jaw, moving closer so that his lips hover an inch away from Matt’s, “yes or no, Boyd?”

“Take whatever you want,” is Matt’s response, and Andrew raises his eyebrows, biting back an annoyed retort before smashing their lips together. Matt is plaint, content to follow Andrew anywhere with the maddening press of his tongue. 

Matt keeps his hands to himself until Andrew pulls one to his shoulder. Matt presses closer, still keeping a few inches between their bodies. 

“Oh, shit, sorry.” Andrew pulls away, his gaze shifting the bedroom door where Neil is standing, still sweaty from his run. Matt plops down on his back, turning to look at Neil who is still lingering by the door. 

“G’morning,” Matt offers, smiling over at the redhead. 

Neil walks over, dipping to press a soft kiss to Matt’s lips before looking at Andrew. Andrew stares at him for a minute before huffing and pressing a firm kiss to his lips. 

“Did I interrupt something?” Neil asks, and Matt reaches up to trail his fingers down Neil’s bare arm. 

“Yes,” Andrew says, but he sounds casual, “Join, yes or no?” 

Matt is impressed that Andrew is offering before Neil has showered, not that he minds, himself. He had always assumed it was more of a principle than a dislike on Andrew’s part. Neil cocks his head to the side, chewing on his bottom lip for a minute before he shakes his head. 

“No. Not today. I don’t…” Andrew shoots him a look, and his mouth snaps shut, “I wasn’t justifying, quit it.” He reaches over to shove Andrew’s shoulder playfully, a small smirk on his face, “You two have fun. I’m making pancakes, so come down when you’re… finished.” 

Matt watches Neil pull a pair of shorts from Andrew’s suitcase before pulling a t-shirt from Matt’s. They both let it happen. 

When the door has clicked closed behind Neil, Matt can feel Andrew’s breath near his ear. Matt can’t hold back his shiver. 

“Where can I touch you?” he asks, and Matt’s eyes flutter closed. 

“I already told you, sweetheart. Take what you want. You can touch me anywhere. I trust you.” Andrew would question it if Matt spoke with any less conviction. But instead, he moves to straddle Matt’s hips, dropping to kiss at the column of his throat. 

Andrew moves slowly, more casually than Matt has ever seen him move. He pulls Matt’s shirt up, leaving it bunched up on his chest, and he drops down, sealing his lips around Matt’s left nipple. When he sucks, Matt hums, arching his back into the touch.

Andrew’s tongue swirls languidly, swiping across the bud every few seconds before he pulls back, flicking Matt’s nipple before moving on to give the other side equal attention. 

Matt had never considered how good it could feel, and he finds himself lost in Andrew’s skilled mouth yet again. Andrew never ceases to surprise him. 

When Andrew bites, a punched-out groan escapes Matt’s throat. And when his hands move, Andrew makes a warning noise, grabbing both of Matt’s hands and pushing them up until they’re resting above his head, crossed at the wrists. 

“Drew,” Matt whispers, but Andrew ignores him, still laving at Matt’s chest. By the time Andrew has made his way back up to Matt’s lips, Matt is panting, fully-hard in his pants. 

“Any requests?” Andrew asks, and Matt, shakes his head, staring up at Andrew like he’s hung the stars. 

“Oh, I mean, I’d like for you to get off too… if you want,” Matt says, averting his eyes as soon as the words have slipped from his mouth. Andrew moves to catch his eyes, staring at him for a minute. 

“I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want to know,” he reminds before moving in to press their lips together again. It’s messy, their tongues pressing together in the open-mouthed kiss. And Matt could live there, underneath Andrew’s steady weight, their hips pressed together, breathing each other in. 

When Andrew pulls back, Matt whines. Andrew watches him for a few seconds, mulling something over in his head. Matt just lays there, waiting for him to be ready. 

He reaches up and takes both of Matt’s wrists, guiding his hands to his hips. Matt’s eyes widen, and Andrew clenches his jaw for a second. 

“Here is okay, but don’t hold me down,” Andrew says, “you can also touch my back over my shirt.”

It’s the best present Andrew could give him. Matt beams, rubbing circles into Andrew’s hip bones before his left hand slides up, tracing Andrew’s spine over his well-worn t-shirt. Andrew’s shiver is delicious. 

Andrew’s hand rubs Matt’s clothed dick, and Matt gasps, pressing his hips up into the touch. Andrew just pets at him for a few seconds, content to rile him up further before he’s off of Matt’s lap and pulling his sweats and boxers down. 

He leans down to take Matt in his mouth, sinking lower than Matt expects. When he pulls back, he gives an experimental stroke, straddling Matt’s thighs again immediately after. Matt watches him with curious, lidded eyes. 

And then, Andrew is surprising Matt again, pushing his own shorts down so that he can pull his cock free. 

For a few seconds, Matt just stares at him, his chest flushed. His hands find Andrew’s hips again, and he lets out a breathless chuckle. 

“God, you’re so fucking gorgeous, Sweets,” he whispers, and Andrew sends him an unimpressed glare. He puts his hand next to Matt’s mouth. 

“Spit,” he says, and it takes a minute for the word to catch up to Matt’s sex-addled brain. He looks between Andrew’s face and his hand a few times before complying, wetting Andrew’s hand. 

“It’s still weird that I think that’s hot,” Matt says, and Andrew rolls his eyes before leaning forward and wrapping a strong hand around both of them, “ _ shit _ , Andrew. Fuck me.”

He’s not moving slowly anymore, setting a quick pace. He narrows his eyes at Matt, but he doesn’t say anything. Matt shifts so that he can sit up and kiss at Andrew’s neck, wanting to draw out the quiet noises Andrew makes. 

When Matt is sitting up, Andrew adjusts so that they’re pressed close together. He wraps both of his hands around their cocks and Matt moans into his neck. It’s tight and wonderful, and he can feel Andrew against himself. Matt’s left hand moves to Andrew’s back, fisting at Andrew’s t-shirt while he lets everything but Andrew fall away. 

A few minutes later, he finds his release, whispering Andrew’s name like a prayer before biting down on the smaller man’s neck. Andrew moans softly, finding his own release right after. 

They sit there for a few seconds, chests heaving. Matt is holding Andrew, palms flat against his back, and Andrew is leaning into Matt, bringing his hands up his left hand to his mouth and licking it clean. 

Matt watches him with dark eyes before he grabs Andrew’s right hand and sucks each of Andrew’s fingers clean, swirling his tongue. Andrew smirks. 

When he’s done, Andrew stands up, disappearing to the bathroom with a new set of clothes and returning a few minutes later, “go clean up,” he says, kicking casually at Matt’s foot which is dangling off the bed. 

When Matt gets back, Andrew is laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Matt hovers near the edge of the bed, unaware of whether or not Andrew needs some space. 

“Can I lay with you?” he asks, and Andrew nods, scooting over to make space for him. Once he’s settled, he places his hand palm-up between them. A few minutes later, Andrew takes his hand. 

“Was it a voluntary or involuntary ‘fuck me’?” Andrew asks, and Matt’s cheeks heat up. He worries at the hem of his shit with his free hand for a minute. 

“What do you mean?” he asks, his voice quiet. Andrew lets out a little huff, rolling onto his side to look at Matt. 

“Did you mean it?” Andrew is always blunt, sometimes it still startles Matt. He nods. 

“Yeah, someday... if you or Neil would like that. I’ve never done it before, but I’m definitely interested in… that,” he says, shrugging his shoulders and turning to watch Andrew think. 

“Have you topped?” he asks, and Matt shakes his head. 

“No. My prior experience with men is mostly just hand jobs,” he admits, smiling down at Andrew, reaching up to trace his cheekbone once Andrew grants him permission, “but I mean… you’re stunning. And so fucking hot, and you always make me feel so good. And someday, if you want to, I’d like you to fuck me.” 

Andrew doesn’t say anything. He nods once and lets Matt trace the swell of his bottom lip, the curve of his jaw, and the bridge of his nose. 

“Thank you,” Matt whispers, and Andrew pinches the skin at Matt’s ribs. He accepts the warning without saying anything else. A few minutes later, he hums, “Neil said he’d make us breakfast. How generous are you feeling?” 

Andrew huffs, sitting up, “pretty fucking generous, Boyd. You noticed.”

“Mm, so you’ll let me have some of your maple butter?” He asks, and Andrew shoves his shoulder, standing up and pulling him towards the stairs. 

“We’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like this one. Let me know what you thought?
> 
> Also, I'm doing kinktober, so if you're into smut, go check out what I've written so far!


	23. Chapter 23

Neil is in the living room, reading one of Andrew’s books. When he hears them, he looks up, tossing the book aside before standing and going to the kitchen. He pulls batter out of the fridge and turns on the stove. 

Matt squeezes Andrew’s hand before letting go and going to wrap his arms around Neil’s waist, resting his chin on his head, “Need any help, baby?” he asks. It’s interesting to feel Neil’s chuckle instead of hearing it, but it makes him smile. 

“I’ve got it,” Neil says, reaching up to pat blindly at Matt’s cheek. He hits his nose instead, and Matt laughs, hugging Neil tight before letting go. 

Andrew is sitting on the other counter, watching them. Matt smiles at him before walking over and planting his hands on the counter on either side of Andrew’s thighs. 

“Kiss?” he asks, and Andrew indulges him, pulling him in or a chaste kiss. They watch each other, standing close in the kitchen. The only sound is Neil cooking them breakfast to Matt’s left.

“You know,” he says to Andrew, “you both look fucking adorable in my clothes.” Neil snorts, and Matt glances over at him. He’s swimming in Matt’s t-shirt, the clothing falling to his mid thighs and slipping a little on his shoulder. It’s the cutest thing Matt’s ever seen (except for maybe the time he wore Matt’s sweatshirt because he had sweater paws, and it was precious). 

“If you ever call me adorable again, I will stab you,” Andrew warns, but Matt just chuckles, shaking his head. 

“I don’t think you’ll stab me.”

“He might stab you,” Neil argues, tossing Matt a wink over his shoulder. 

“You won’t stab me cuz then you’d have to drive me to the emergency room and hold my hand while they stitched me up.” Matt reaches up to ruffle Andrew’s hair. Andrew grabs his hand, bringing it down to his lap and holding it there. 

“I wouldn’t have to,” Andrew argues, and Matt nods. 

“You’re right… but you would,” Matt says, and his fondness is audible. Andrew rolls his eyes, but he doesn’t say anything which is as much of a concession as Matt expects to get. They hold hands until Neil grabs plates. Then Andrew is standing, pushing past Matt to get a pile of pancakes. 

They’re chocolate chip, and Matt’s chest is warm. He makes his own plate, piling fruit on the side just like Neil does before following them both to the table. 

They mostly eat in silence, but after coating each of his pancakes in maple butter, he slides the jar over to Matt. 

Matt knows better than to thank him, but he smiles down at his plate, scooping some out. 

They spend the rest of the day smoking on the porch and cuddling on the couch while Andrew reads and Matt flips through channels on the television. It’s easy and lazy and everything he’s wanted since Andrew kissed him the first time. 

They go to Eden’s for New Year's Eve. It’s loud and colorful and everyone is wearing glitter except for them. Andrew scowls at anyone who tries to talk to them, but Matt is happy to make small talk with anyone who tries to strike up a conversation. 

He’s talking to a very nice girl when Andrew grabs his hand and tugs harder than Matt is expecting. He barely holds back a stumble, his gaze snapping down to Andrew who is staring up at him expectantly. 

“Drinks,” he says, and Matt nods blinking twice before turning back to her. 

“It was nice meeting you, Natalie. I hope you have a fantastic year,” Matt says, and it would be embarrassing if he wasn’t so earnest. She nods dumbly, unable to hide her shock at first. She looks at Andrew and then at Matt and then at their hands. 

“Yeah, Matt. You too,” she says before tossing her dark hair over her shoulder and walking away. 

“Do people always flirt with you?” Andrew asks, dropping his hand as soon as Matt is following him through the crowd to the bar. Neil is lounging on a chair, keeping their table while they weave through drunk patrons. 

“What do you mean?” Mat asks, sliding up behind him when he pushes his way to the bar. He stays a foot back, not wanting Andrew to feel trapped in. 

“She was flirting with you, Matt.” Andrew snaps his fingers at Roland as soon as he hands off a drink. Roland grins, sauntering over and leaning on the bar. 

“Andrew! Long time no see, how’s it been?” he asks, and Andrew fights the urge to roll his eyes. 

“Whiskey on the rocks, two tequila shots, and a ginger ale,” Andrew says instead of answering. He turns to look up at Matt, “what do you want?” 

Matt smiles down at him before turning his attention to Roland, “Oh, I’ll take a vodka lemonade, thanks.” 

Andrew slides his card to Roland, “open a tab.” Roland nods, moving to prepare their drinks and returning with a tray and setting it down. 

“Him too?” Roland asks, a sly smile playing at his lips, and Andrew just blinks, “he’s cute. Good for you. Tell Neil I say hello.”

Matt takes a step back, letting Andrew grab their ray and lead him back to Neil. He hands the soda off swiftly before sitting down. Matt sits between them, grabbing his drink and taking a sip. Neil is looking between them curiously. 

“I don’t think she was flirting. I think she was just being nice,” Matt says after a few seconds, and Andrew rolls his eyes, setting a shot in front of him. 

“You’re an idiot with too much faith in people. She thought you were hot,” Andrew intones and then, before Matt can defend her, he says, “shot, yes or no?” 

“Yes,” Matt says, licking the back of his hand and letting Andrew press the salt there. They take their shots at the same time, and Matt grimaces while Andrew stays impassive, “God, I don’t know how you do that. It tastes like shit. Anyway, I think I have the appropriate amount of faith in people. It’s mostly worked out for me. And even if she was flirting with me, I don’t care. I’m going home with you two, and I already have the three best people in the world. Any more than that, and I’m going to start losing track of what’s going on.”

Neil laughs, nudging Matt with his elbow, and Matt turns to wink at him. Andrew mumbles something under his breath and takes a sip of his whiskey. 

They sit there for a while, people watching and having hushed conversations and finishing their drinks. When Matt sets down his empty glass, he turns to Neil. 

“In October, I said we should dance sometime. Yes or No?” Matt asks, and Neil’s eyes go wide. His gaze slides to the dance floor where bodies are pressed close and writhing. He looks at Andrew before nodding. 

“Sure. If I hate it-”

“Then we come right back,” Matt promises, sure as ever. 

Matt smiles down at Andrew before getting up, leading Neil to the edge of the dance floor where Andrew would still be able to see them both. He knows that Andrew worries, even if the blonde won’t admit it. 

The music is blaring, bass vibrating the floor beneath their feet. Matt recognizes the song and takes Neil’s hand, “you’re thinking too hard,” he calls over the music, and Neil frowns. 

He’s awkward, shifting his hips left and right a little too slowly for the music. Matt grins, content to watch him move. It makes no difference to him if Neil is the best dancer in the room. The lights illuminate Neil, deepening the shadows on his face in the most delectable way. 

“Can I?” he asks, his hands hovering an inch from Neil’s hips. He nods, and Matt grabs his hips, helping to guide him to the beat of the music. Neil is still thinking too hard, chewing at his bottom lip with his brow furrowed. He presses a little closer to Matt. 

When the song changes, Neil looks around, “I know this song! It’s the one Alli plays all the time,” he yells, and Matt nods. 

The transformation is stunning. Neil tosses his head back, shaking his hips and his shoulders and singing the words to the familiar song. Matt beams down at him, still holding his hips while they dance to the music. 

When the chorus hits, Neil turns around, pressing back against Matt’s hips and grinding. Matt’s fingers tighten on Neil’s hips in his surprise, but he doesn’t slow, sipping to sing the lyrics in Neil’s ear while they dance. 

When the song ends, Matt looks over at Andrew who is staring intently, swirling his empty cup. When Matt turns his attention back to Neil, he’s grinning up at Matt. He doesn’t know the next song, but he dances with Matt anyway, just as enthusiastically. 

A while later, Matt tugs Neil back to the table, wiping sweat from his forehead and plopping down. 

“Drew, that’s so fun!” Neil says, asking for permission before sitting on his lap. Andrew grimaces when he realizes that Neil’s sweaty, but he keeps his mouth shut. 

“I don’t dance,” he reminds Neil who just rolls his eyes. 

“I  _ know  _ that. But Matty does dance, and we had fun. And I saw your fuck me eyes, so I don’t want to hear it,” Neil says, sticking his tongue out at Andrew. For a brief second, Matt thinks Andrew is going to bite it. But instead, he rolls his eyes. 

“It’s loud. Home?” Andrew says after a minute, looking between Matt and Neil. Neil smiles, standing up and Matt follows him, watching their keys exchange hands so that Neil can drive. 

Once their in the Maserati and Matt is leaning on the backs of their chairs, he asks Neil to stop at a liquor store so he can buy them champagne. 

“That’s stupid. Neil might not even like champagne,” Andrew argues, but Matt shakes his head. 

“But he’s never  _ tried  _ champagne. And I like champagne! And we’re celebrating. C’mon Andrew, we can drink expensive champagne out of Nicky’s cheap wine glasses and cuddle and kiss at midnight.” Matt bats his eyelashes. 

They argue for another minute before Andrew sighs dramatically, giving Neil directions to the nearest liquor store so Matt can run inside and buy them a bottle of champagne. 

True to his word, he buys the most expensive bottle they have and presses a kiss to Andrew’s cheek when he returns to the car. 

“Thanks, Sweetheart. You’re the best. You know, sometimes in porn-”

“No good thought ever starts with those words, and I don’t want to hear it,” Andrew deadpans, and Matt lets out a full-body laugh. 

“Okay, that’s fair. But I was  _ trying  _ to say that I want to kiss you both at midnight for obvious reasons, and I know that threeway kisses are a thing because they do it in porn,” Matt says, ignoring Andrew’s glare. 

“Wait, people kiss on New Years?” Neil asks, and Andrew sighs, muttering something that sounds suspiciously like  _ they had to both be idiots _ . 

Matt explains the tradition to Neil, and Andrew watches with an amused glint in his eyes. When they get home, Andrew does pull out three of Nicky’s wine glasses, and Matt pours them each a glass after pressing a sweet kiss to each of their foreheads. 

They spend the rest of their night with their legs tangled in bed, sipping their drinks and trading lazy kisses. And when the clock strikes midnight, Andrew pulls them both in for a kiss to ring in the new year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and let me know what you think about this chapter??


	24. Chapter 24

Matt is wary about driving back to campus for the start of the spring semester. His schedule is awful, he still wakes up some nights drenched in a cold sweat and cramping stomach, and he doesn’t want to go back to pressing desperate kisses to Neil and Andrew is the moments between classes when their roommates are gone. 

He doesn’t say anything. 

Instead, he lounges in the backseat, humming along to Andrew’s pop punk music filtering through the radio. Andrew drops him off at the airport to pick up his truck, and Matt sits there for a minute before the person idling behind them honks his horn. 

“See you soon?” he asks quietly, and Andrew shoots him a look. 

“You live two doors down, Boyd. You’re not moving to Australia,” Andrew’s clipped tone settles Matt’s nerves, and he nods. He drags his suitcase out of the trunk and waves at his boyfriends before turning and walking to the parking lot. 

The drive is familiar, and Matt quickly finds himself dropping his suitcase onto his bed. Aaron isn’t back yet, and Matt is trying to not be jealous. 

His afternoon passes too slowly, and by the time the sun has set, he’s antsy. When Dan knocks on his door, he smiles, pulling her to his chest and sighing. 

“I missed you,” he says softly, and Dan nods, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. 

“I missed you too. The girls and I are going to grab dinner from the dining hall, and we wanted to know if you’re coming. Allison keeps complaining that you’ve been missing in action the last few months.”

He nods, grabbing his ID and following her to her room where Allison is laying on top of Renee who is petting absently at her hair. He chuckles, shaking his head. 

“Hi, Matt,” he hears Renee say, wiggling to get a better sightline. Allison smiles over at him. 

“Hey, Matt, how was New York?” she rolls off Renee, standing gracefully and fixing her hair before pulling her girlfriend up. 

“Oh, y’know. It was fine. Cold, dreary, boring. I watched a lot of sitcom reruns,” he says casually, and Dan shoots him a glance. 

“Hm, well that sounds nothing like New York. You really need to learn to get out more,” Allison says, turning to mutter something quietly to Renee who in turn does not react. Matt watches them warily. 

“Dinner?” Dan says, grabbing Matt’s hand and tugging him toward the door. 

He eats slowly, listening to the girls recount their breaks cheerfully, but he doesn’t contribute very much to the conversation. Allison is domineering, her voice loud and more abrasive than Matt wants at the moment, but he just keeps a small smile on his face. 

“You’ve been weird, Matthew. Care to share why with the class? Or shall I start the betting pool instead,” Allison says after she’s finished her stir fry. Matt rolls his eyes, draping an arm over the back of Dan’s chair. 

“Fuck off, Allison,” he says, careful to keep his voice light. 

“No, seriously. You’ve been hiding or something, and you spent at least three collective weeks last semester all pouty and pissed off. You beat Jack to a fucking pulp which isn’t exactly  _ normal _ ,” she pushes, and Matt clenches his teeth, keeping quiet. 

“Alli, let it go,” Dan says, and her voice holds a warning. Allison pays her no mind. 

“So what is it? Are you using again?” she asks, and her flippant tone makes Matt flinch. 

“What the fuck, Allison. Leave him alone,” Dan says, and now her voice is cutting. Renee looks between the three of them. 

“I think we should all take a few breaths before we cause a scene,” she says, her voice level. Matt is staring at Allison, and he can taste his bile in the back of his throat. 

“Maybe I haven’t been hanging out with you because you’ve been a bitch,” Matt counters, and then Dan is glaring at him. 

“Matt, you’re not fucking helping,” she snaps, and Matt stands up, shaking his head. 

“I wasn’t trying to help. I was answering her damn question,” he mutters. The noise his chair makes as he pushes it in is awful, but he doesn’t react. He just turns and leaves the dining hall. 

He’s halfway back to his room when someone grabs his arm, and he turns, raising a fist. One of his favorite things about Dan Wilds is how unflinching she is. She stares back at him with a defiant tilt to her chin, and he deflates, his hand dropping to his side. 

“So, what, you’re gonna hit me?” she demands, and he sighs. 

“No, of course not. I wouldn’t do that,” he says, resigned. 

“Should I be worried about you?” She asks, and her voice is soft again. Matt says nothing, studying the soft curve of her set jaw. 

“I don’t know,” he admits, rubbing a hand across his face, “all I know is that I’m tired, okay? I’m going to sleep.”

“It’s only seven,” Dan argues, but Matt shrugs. 

“I know. I love you, but I need to lie down.” He dips to press a kiss to her forehead before pulling out of her softened grasp. He doesn’t sleep for a long time. 

The first week of class and practice passes quickly, and Matt and Allison have both decided to pretend like nothing had happened (although he doesn’t doubt that there’s a bet going on. He doesn’t want to ask).

After all of the original foxes have filtered into his and Aaron’s dorm, putting on some romantic comedy that Nicky had chosen, Matt settles into the loveseat next to Dan. 

They had gone out to dinner and talked through Matt’s break and residual agitation, and now that they’re both on the same page again, something inside of him has settled. Neil is eating popcorn on the couch next to Andrew who is eating whatever candy he had pulled down from the cabinet. Matt is trying not to stare, so he doesn’t know what it is. 

Every few minutes, Nicky or Allison will laugh at something on the screen, but other than that, everyone is quiet. Matt curls himself around Dan, and she smiles up at him, taking his hand. 

“You know, I always wondered if meet cutes are real,” she whispers, and Matt nods slowly. 

“I’m sure they are.  _ Someone  _ has to have met the love of their life by like… knocking their books out of their hands and helping pick them up. That’s statistically probable, I think,” he whispers back, and she nods, considering his point. 

“Maybe I’ve just never seen it happen because every single person in my life is a shit show,” she says, and he laughs, quickly covering his mouth. Nothing funny had happened on screen, so a few of the foxes look over at them. 

Andrew takes a piece of popcorn out of Neil’s bowl and throws it at him. He doesn’t take his eyes off the TV, but Matt smiles anyway. 

“I like your crinkly smile,” she says, tracing the skin near his eye, “it means you’re actually happy. You smile a lot, but it isn’t always that big.”

Matt swallows thickly, unsure of what to say to that. He just presses a kiss to her cheek in lieu of a response before turning his attention back to the TV. 

His classes are kicking his ass already (curse 4000 levels), and he hasn’t spent much time with Dan, Andrew, or Neil. Andrew hasn’t offered any free time during which Kevin and Nicky are gone, and he hasn’t asked. 

When the movie ends, Matt watches Nicky gush from his spot on the loveseat with an amused smile. He and Allison spend a couple of minutes arguing about the merits of the love interest (who Matt kind of thought was a douchebag). 

Kevin, tugs on Neil’s sleeve, and Matt watches as Kevin, Neil, and Andrew have some kind of hushed conversation which ends in Kevin dragging Neil away, probably for practice. Andrew stays, eating the rest of Neil’s popcorn and watching Nicky with practiced disinterest. 

“No one cares about his lips, Nicky,” Andrew drones after another few minutes.

“Oh, c’mon. You can’t tell me you didn’t think he was cute!” Nicky argues, and Andrew just blinks. 

“He’s not my type,” Andrew counters, standing up and walking to the kitchen, depositing the bowl in the sink, and opening the fridge to pull out a beer. Matt’s eyes track him. 

He presses a kiss to Dan’s lips before following, setting his and Dan’s popcorn bowl in the sink too, “no practice tonight?”

“Fuck off,” he says, and Matt chuckles, looking between Andrew and the open beer. 

“I could go for a cigarette, but unfortunately, I don’t have it in the budget,” he says with mock sincerity. 

“Put it on daddy’s credit card, rich boy,” Andrew counters, and Matt rolls his eyes, leaning against the counter. 

“Yeah, I could do that… or I could bum one off this cute blonde I know,” he says, biting back a smile. Andrew just stares at him for a minute, and Matt can hear Allison lecturing Nicky in the background. 

“Do what you want, Boyd,” Andrew says before pushing past him and out the dorm door without saying goodbye. Nicky makes a comment about it, but no one else cares. 

Matt sits there for the agonizing ten minutes it takes for everyone to leave before slipping on a jacket and heading up to the roof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends! I'm sorry this update took so long. Let me know what you think?
> 
> This week was kind of hard for me, and I fell into the tumblr discourse and then had a crisis. I usually subscribe to the notion that fanfiction doesn't necessarily have to spport canon/be perfectly in character/"preserve the sanctity of canon" or whatever. But I do think it's important to be aware of how what I post might affect people. So, if you're a mlm and you have concrit, you're always welcome to drop it in the comments. 
> 
> I don't really know why the discourse made me feel panicky, but I took a few days from writing because I was really anxious about my writing not keeping the lads like they are in canon. I try my hardest to keep their vibe close, but I'm not trying to write a fanfiction that's like canon (hence the OT3..). I'm sorry if I've let you guys down in any way. 
> 
> I'm not stopping this fanfiction or future Mandreil fics, but I have put a pause on Kinktober because I feel so discouraged. I'm sorry if that makes anyone sad. And I'm also sorry for writing a novel; I just felt like I had to explain myself. Anyway, let me know if you liked the chapter.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being the best. I really mean that.

Andrew is staring at the stars when Matt finally gets outside. He walks over and sits with a few inches between them. He’s amazed by how much more comfortable he is with being so close to the edge now, their feet dangling over the side of the building. 

Andrew fishes the cigarettes out of his pocket, pulling out two. Matt takes one, letting Andrew light it before taking a drag and letting his eyes fall closed. They sit in comfortable silence until half of Matt’s is gone. Andrew has already smoked his to the filter. 

“Which constellation is your favorite?” he asks, and Andrew shoots him a questioning look while he pulls out another cigarette, “Nicky told me you know them.”

Andrew looks up, scanning the sky. After a minute, Matt stops waiting for an answer, taking another drag and looking up at the smattering of stars above their head.

“Perseus,” Andrew says after a minute, and Matt turns to look at him while he stares up at the stars. He narrows his eyes for a minute before pointing. When Matt looks up, he chuckles, unsure about what he’s really looking for. 

“I don’t know which one that it. The only constellations I can ever find are the big and little dipper,” he says, and Andrew looks over at him, blinking slowly. 

“The big dipper is part of Ursa Major,” he says, pointing at the big dipper and then at a handful of other points. Matt can’t really see it, but he likes the strong line of Andrew’s arm and the way his brows furrow slightly while he thinks. 

“Why is Perseus your favorite?” he asks, and Andrew’s eyes slide back to a different section of the sky. 

“His legend is there,” Andrew says quietly, “it’s a good story.”

Matt turns, to follow Andrew’s gaze, surprised when Andrew grabs his hand firmly and scoots over so that their thighs are side by side, he folds down all of Matt’s fingers except his pointer finger and points to eight stars, murmuring the names as he goes. 

When he’s finished, he drops Matt’s hand. Matt is beaming, tracing the shape over and over again with his eyes. 

“Wow… that’s so cool,” he says, afraid that if he looks away, he’ll never find it again. He stares for another minute before turning to look at Andrew. He knocks their shoulders together gently to get the blonde’s attention. 

Andrew stares at him expectantly, finishing his second cigarette and stubbing it out. Matt smiles. 

“Thanks for showing me,” he says, and Andrew nods once, keeping quiet. Matt looks out at the campus, “Why do you come up here?”

“Why do you ask so many questions?” he counters.

“Because I like to learn about you.”

“I’m afraid of heights.”

Matt frowns, turning to look at him again. Andrew keeps his eyes fixed on something in the distance. Matt opens and closes his mouth a few times before settling on something to say to that. 

“Is that why you don’t like flying?”

Andrew’s eyebrows move up, and Matt laughs. 

“Anyone could tell if they paid any attention to you. You either get antsy or weirdly still, and you don’t breathe right,” Matt says casually, turning to look at the horizon. Andrew huffs. 

“You stare too much.”

“Not my fault you look like that. So if you’re afraid of height, why come sit out here… is it like exposure therapy or something?” he says, and Andrew clenches and unclenches his jaw. 

“No.” Andrew clasps his hands together, and he says nothing else. Matt decides not to push it. They sit in silence as the minutes tick by. The only words are Matt’s soft request to lean is head on Andrew’s. 

Andrew jabs him in the ribs with his elbow before nodding. They sit like that until The door opens behind them. Neil jogs over, smelling like sweat and dropping down next to Andrew. 

“You’re disgusting.”

“Hello to you too. We missed you on the court,” Neil says, and Matt smiles, glancing over at him. 

“No exy on the roof,” Andrew intones, and Neil rolls his eyes. 

“Soon, I’m not going to be able to talk about exy anywhere with you,” Neil reasons, and Andrew’s lips twitch in the darkness. 

“That’s the goal, junkie.”

“You can talk about exy with me,” Matt offers. Andrew elbows him in the ribs again, pulling a laugh from his throat, “you keep doing that, and I’ll push you off this roof, Minyard.”

Neil laughs at Matt’s jokes, his eyes glinting in the moonlight. He leans in to whisper something in Andrew’s ear, and Andrew elbows him too. 

“I hate you both,” Andrew says. 

“We know, Drew.” Neil laces his fingers between Andrew’s and pulls their hands to his lap, kicking his feet idly. 

“Wouldn’t have it any other way, sweetheart,” Matt agrees. 

Neil does talk about his practice with Kevin though, detailing the drills they had gone through and Kevin’s whining about him not coming. Matt secretly thinks that Kevin just misses spending so much time with Andrew. They’re friends in their own weird way, but now that Andrew doesn’t have to protect him, they spend more time apart. Matt doesn’t want to be the one to point it out, so he keeps quiet while Neil rambles, interjecting every once in a while. 

When Neil yawns, Andrew glances up at Matt (who can feel his head shift). 

“Bed,” he says simply, and Matt moves away from him, swinging his legs back to solid ground and standing up to offer Andrew a hand. 

They go downstairs, Matt and Neil chattering the whole way. Matt drops them both off at their dorm door, glancing down the hallway before pressing a quick kiss to both of their foreheads. 

Neil hugs him goodnight, and Andrew studies his face for a moment before turning to open the door. 

“G’night. Sleep well,” he says to them before heading to his own room. 

Aaron is already sleeping when he gets in, and he tiptoes around their dorm to get ready for bed. When he lays down, his phone buzzes. When he opens it, he grins up at the bottom of the empty bunk above his head. 

_ Neil says goodnight. _

He stares at the three words Andrew had sent him for a couple of minutes before replying. 

_ Goodnight to both of you and sweet dreams.  _

That night, Matt dreams of far off islands and a short, blonde hero that slays a gorgon. It’s a very sweet dream indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is short! Let me know what you think?
> 
> And thank you to everyone who reached out to me after the last chapter went up. You all made me feel so much better.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I heard some of y'all wanted Andrew and Neil supporting Matt's relationship with Dan! These boys aren't conventional, but I hope you like it

In the middle of February, Matt is knocking incessantly on Andrew and Neil’s door. He doesn’t stop until Nicky pulls it open, staring at him like he’s lost his damn mind. He softens when he sees who it is, but he doesn’t say anything for a second. 

“Neil?” Nicky calls over his shoulder, stepping aside to let Matt in their room. As soon as he’s called Neil’s name, he dips out and closes the door behind him. 

Neil is blinking sleep out of his eyes when he comes into the living room, stilling as soon as he sees Matt, “Drew,” he calls before walking over. 

Matt’s jaw is clenched, his eyes wild, his body tense. When Andrew comes out, he gives Matt a slow once over before walking to the kitchen. Matt watches him hop onto the counter so he can reach something on the top shelf. 

“I’m stabbing Kevin,” he says, and Neil rolls his eyes, plopping down on the couch. Matt is just standing there near the door, keyed up in a way he hasn’t been the last month. 

Matt’s gaze moves back to Andrew. He’s making hot chocolate, and Matt wants to scream. 

After a few minutes of moving through the kitchen quietly, Andrew walks over and hands him a mug. There’s extra whipped cream, and Matt sighs, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. 

“Sit,” Andrew says, walking back over to drop down beside Neil while holding his own mug. Neil swipes his forefinger through the whipped cream and licks it clean. He scrunches up his nose, and Andrew elbows him. 

Matt takes a sip of the drink, hissing when it burns his tongue. Instead of sitting, he paces. He can feel the steady gaze from the other two while he walks back and forth from their kitchen to the front door. 

No one says anything for a while until Matt stops. 

“Dan got offered a job,” He says before taking a gulp of the now-drinkable cocoa. Andrew and Neil are watching him with matching blank expressions. 

“That’s...good, right?” Neil asks, drawing his words out. Matt makes a noncommittal noise and starts pacing again, clenching and unclenching his jaw. He pauses to glance over at them. 

“I think she should wait. What if there’s a better offer later in the semester? What if her dream job is an option in a month, but she’s already signed a contract and has a plan, and knows where she’s going? It’s too early, right?” he rants, throwing his free hand up in exasperation. 

“I don’t know,” Neil says, shrugging and glancing at Andrew, “did you tell  _ her  _ that?” 

“Yeah, she’s mad at me,” Matt says, brushing it off and taking another drink. He wishes there was bourbon in it. 

“What job?” Andrew asks, and Matt’s eyes narrow at him before he’s even really said anything. 

“It’s an assistant coach position at a community college in Oregon,” Matt says, and Andrew’s expression changes. His eyes narrow slightly, and his head tips to the side. Whatever he’s going to say, Matt decides he does not want to hear it, “it’s not that it’s a bad opportunity or anything, I just think it’s too early to commit to anything.” 

“Every time I think you’ve said the stupidest thing I’ll ever hear, you manage to come up with something less intelligent,” Andrew says, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. Matt glares at him, chugging the rest of the hot chocolate before storming to the kitchen. 

He washes the mug by hand, focusing on the sound of the water. He doesn’t want to yell because it makes Neil anxious. When the mug is washed, he sets it back in the cupboard and puts the cocoa mix back up on the shelf where Andrew had pulled it down from. 

“I’m stabbing Boyd,” Andrew says from his place on the couch, and Matt can hear Neil sigh. 

“It’s not their fault you’re-”

“If you finish that sentence-”

“You’ll stab me too?” Neil counters, and Matt turns to watch them bicker. Andrew shoves Neil’s shoulder, and Neil laughs, “I look forward to it.”

Matt walks back out, collapsing onto the couch beside Neil. 

“She’s gonna be a great coach,” Matt says, resigned. Neil grabs his hand as soon as he’s close. 

“She is… Oregon is nice,” he says simply, and Matt sighs, squeezing his eyes shut. 

“It’s a six and a half hour flight,” Matt says, his voice barely louder than a whisper. 

“Ah, so he’s self-aware,” Andrew says, and Matt’s eyes slide open so he can glare at him again. 

“You’re not helping,” Matt snaps, and Andrew just blinks at him, unaffected by Matt’s tone. They stare at each other for a minute, “what if there’s something better?”

“Something closer,” Andrew corrects him, and Matt grinds his teeth together, focusing on not gripping Neil’s hand too tightly. 

“Fuck you,” Matt says, but he sounds more sad than anything else. Neil leans on Matt’s shoulder. 

“Is she mad because you said something stupid?” Neil asks, and Matt scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“She’s mad because he told her not to take the job,” Andrew says, and Matt’s cheeks warm. 

“I didn’t tell her not to take the job. I just told her to wait for a few weeks. She thinks I’m not proud of her.” Matt ducks his head, avoiding any eye contact. Andrew sighs, moving so that he can look Matt in the eyes. 

He’s quiet, just watching Matt breathe with a heavy gaze. After a minute, Matt groans, hiding his face. Andrew reaches over and tugs at his sleeve once. 

“You’re too smart to act this stupid.” His words are simple, but then he’s standing, taking his mug and leaving it in the sink before walking back. Matt watches him move with his head still lowered. 

“You should go apologize,” Neil says, and Matt nods but he doesn’t move, still staring after Andrew. 

“It’s the other side of the country,” he says, and Neil nods. 

“You’re so dense. Just go and apologize. You’re proud of her, right?” 

“Of course I’m proud of her,” he mumbles petulantly. Neil rolls his eyes again. 

“Okay, did you tell her that? She isn’t a fucking mind reader, Matt. You need to stop making assumptions, jesus christ.” Matt groans, hiding his face in Neil’s hair and shaking his head. 

“Can’t,” he mumbles. 

“Why not? Too busy moping? If you came here hoping for us to console you, you’re out of luck, Matty. Go make nice with Dan and come back when you’re done being stupid.” Neil reaches up to pat his head. 

Matt sighs dramatically, pulling away from Neil and crossing his arms, “I know you’re both capable of being comforting. You’ve done it before.”

“You don’t need comfort. You need to pull your head out of your ass,” Andrew says, bored as ever, “you heard Neil. Go.”

Matt stands up, pursing his lips together and looking between them, “fine. But when I come back will you be nicer?” he asks, and Neil laughs. 

“Not a fucking chance,” he says, smirking up at Matt from his place on the couch. Andrew’s lips twitch. 

That night, when Matt sits with them on the roof, they aren’t nicer. But Neil does give him a lazy kiss and asks about Dan. Matt swallows his pride and tells Neil the truth. They were right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know how you feel about this chapter?? I'm having a bit of a writing struggle right now in the sense that I know where this story is going, but I'm not really sure how to get there!

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos give me life
> 
> [come vibe with me on tumblr. I want to be your friend. ](https://unpredictableandunreal.tumblr.com)


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